The world as we know it is coming to an end in 2012 and people, our people are still divided by a fine line. One side believes in the existence of the higher power while the other still likes the sperm in the exploding tube theory which resulted in dinosaurs, monkeys, billions of years old earth. Today I would like to share 10 indisputable facts with you, facts that will once and for all, prove that there is a god!
When last I left my intrepid readers, I was holding a handful of miracles. In the ensuing week, I realized it just couldn’t last. I was right. To quickly review, here are some of the crazy miracles to give you some perspective:
Land of the Lost Beyonce, Paris and Nicole,
on a routine exhibition,
wore the largest sunglasses ever known.
High and vapid, It struck their brain daft (insert screams here),
and plunged them down to make them look real slow.
To the Land of the Lost.
To the Land of the Lost.
To the Land of the Lost.
An Open Letter to All Survivors They say that survival is a basic human instinct, well if that is true then it is clear that evolution is still largely at play in the human race. Clearly few of those who are now labeled with the title Survivor actually possess any survival skills, perhaps even to this day. Maybe if one deludes themselves into thinking that they can survive anything then that may just be enough to help them survive their own insanity and short comings, with a little "coaching" that is.
Militant Simians Aren't Just Throwing Poo Anymore!!! The vast majority of militant organizations are religious based or have some sort of religious mandate associated with their cause. Although be careful humans because a new species of threat is evolving right under our noses and they don’t give a damn what you believe. Monkeys are starting to quite literally go ape shit and if we aren't careful humans may become extinct as a result.
I Smell a War, and the Scent of the Battlefield Never Smelled Better We are all told to make lemonade when life hands us lemons but what if you just wanted some damn water? I didn't ask to be part of this stinking war and yet I keep finding myself an unwilling participant in an epic olfactory struggle. Lemon scented or pine scented? I don�t need my floors to smell like either because they didn�t have an odor before I even started to clean them. We all have to stop this assault on our senses because frankly the conflict is beginning to reek.
Do You Want Me to Stab You Repeatedly?!?!?! Social networking and the creation of groups on networking sites give people a sense of belonging and not being alone in the world. Yet this belonging is a facade and in reality is deteriorating real life human interactions. People are losing the ability to carry on a conversation despite the fact that they have more access to information about their “friends” then they ever had before.
Armageddon Technology It’s hard for to fathom what technology was like 50 years ago. In fact most would agree that the ‘technology age’ has existed in its entirety in the last 50 years.
La Diablo Mort, the Ultimate in Shaving Technology If you aren’t careful technology has a way of leaving you behind faster then you can change the blade on your razor. It is difficult to imagine what the world will be like in 50 years but if there is one thing I know it is that I will still be routinely injured by the best a man can get.
Leo Getz Was Right!!! If there is one piece of advice some of today’s most successful companies have to offer it is this, “Screw over your customers ruthlessly while shamelessly profiting from it.” In a shaky economy with customer spending at an all time low, it is important for any successful company to not just provide a sub-par product but also to suck the life force out of each and every customer. This is a “Dog Eat Dog World” and we are all left feeling hunger pangs, but then maybe that is because we keep returning to the drive thru.
The Theater of God Let's watch the greatest show on earth (if we can afford it).
I'm At MY Service!!! Today businesses have implemented creative technology that actually makes you an employee minus all the benefits such as being paid or participating in the health plan. Furthermore, they have cleverly tricked you into thinking this is what you want by providing you with sub-par service for years. People are singing the praises of Self-Checkout technology and the words go something like, "CHA CHING!!! CHA CHING!!!" However, the grocery store wrote the lyrics.
Is Robin Williams Crazy or Just Creative? We've all probably had the experience of watching a standup comic and finding ourselves laughing, then feeling slightly uncomfortable, then actually wondering whether the comic is quite possibly...just possibly... a little crazy--bonkers--mashugana.
The Agnostic Pulpit: Toxic Advertising If you have a fantasy, daydream, or secret desire, there is someone out there ready to help, for a price. The most toxic and seductive advertisements play into our fantasies. When in comes to advertisements, we can be our own worst enemies.
Wine: the worst hangover ever The one thing I can tell you, with full knowledge, is that no matter how good, expensive, old, tasteful or rare a wine is, if you get hammered with it, the next day you’ll regret it so hardly that only a shot between the eyes would spare you from the pain and suffering.
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