A Drink with the Candidates!

So...an icy blonde, a Hispanic, an elf from Cleveland, and some guy named Barak walk into a bar...

 

Standing at the bar watching them are a balding New Yorker, a Mormon, some Huckabuck, and one angry Vietnam vet. All are quite wary, as this is the first time they've been in the same room. Slowly, all notice: hanging behind the bar is a huge oil painting of Jeb Bush. It has a long moustache and big eyeglasses crudely drawn on it's face. Everybody smiles!

 

The bartender says "What'll it be?" The angry Vietnam vet says: "Quick, bring us six ethanol daiquiris!" Then, everybody breaks up, and laughs!

 

They grew quiet, and notice a man in a black suit stroll to the door and depart the premises. New guy Barak asks the Huckabuck who that was. As a group, including the bartender answer: "The man from Diebold!" They stand respectfully and quietly. All have their hands over their hearts. A visible sigh of relief escapes them.

 

The bartender serves everybody the same thing: Coca-Cola, with a small shot of pepto bismol for a back up!  No one touches their drink, until the icy blonde raises her glass and says: "Thank God, Swartzenegger can't run for president!" Various amens and hallelujahs come from everybody. 

 

Spontaneously, the Huckabuck raises his glass and proposes a toast: "To all the informed voters!" The balding New Yorker says: "What have they got to do with it?"  Once again, everybody breaks up, and laughs.

 

The Cleveland elf asks no one in particular: "Did John Kerry ever get that flip-flop thing off his back? " All shake their head NO, and take notice that everybody is in unison...then, all laugh again!

 

When the bartender says the tab is $85, the Mormon says: "Is that in soft money, or hard!" Now everybody is bent over laughing.

 

Working to get in the spirit of things, the angry Vietnam vet says:" I'm very optimistic, especially since I'll probably carry most of the cemetery vote from Chicago! " Soon, everybody is giddy, and they begin giggling too!

 

The icy blonde, trying too hard to be one of the guys yells: "Screw Al Gore!" The rest receive this hesitantly, but can't contain themselves, and one by one, bust up laughing.  The icy blonde says: "Hey, that was a joke!"

 

Next, Barak says: "Has anyone seen that Joe Biden? He's sooo clean!" All are now starting to fall down from laughing so hard!

 

The phone on the bar rings, all get quiet.  The bartender answers, listens, then holds the phone to his chest and yells loudly: "Anybody from that online magazine, TheCheers.org here?" The icy blonde motions all to hush. "Shhh!"

 

Unnoticed at a back corner table until now, a silver haired guy in red shoes, slowly rises, then limps to take the phone, and turns away for some privacy.

 

Now subdued, each attempts to straighten themselves. The angry Vietnam vet is first to leave. He salutes and says: "See ya in New Hampshire!"  All respond: "Yeah, yeah...sure..." And everybody leaves the bar.

 

(Fade to black)

 

Cast:

 

Icy Blonde:..................…...Senator Hillary Clinton

Hispanic:.....................…...Governor Bill Richardson

New Guy:...................…....Senator Barak Obama

Cleveland Elf:.....................Congressman Dennis Kusinich

 

Balding New Yorker:..........Ex-Mayor Rudy Guiliani

The Mormon:...........…......Ex- Governor Mitt Romney

Huckabuck:...............…....Ex-Governor Mike Huckabee

Angry Vietnam vet:......…...Senator John McCain

 

Bartender:...................…...Jimmy Heck

Man from Diebold:......….....Unknown

Silver-haired guy:........…....The Comic in Red Shoes

 

Shot on location in Palms, CA

No red shoes were harmed in the completion of this film.