Self-help books are great! They're great for the authors of self-help books! Who else can get rich by telling other people that if only they would do things that they don't do, their life would be different? It's a wonderful thing. So let's say you want to become a self-help author. Here are the Rules you'll need to follow for success:

1. Include a Number. 7 Rules. 10 Rules. 9 habits. 6 Minutes. 5 Reasons. 2 French hens. It doesn't matter what you DO with the number. People just love numbers. And don't go makin... continue reading


The one thing I can tell you, with full knowledge, is that no matter how good, expensive, old, tasteful or rare a wine is, if you get hammered with it...


Porn is the latest addiction to hit the sheets. Back in the day, and by this I mean the 1970s, if you wanted to see some porn you had to steal it. The...


Guys, how many times have you been looking at magazines at the newstand when you hear the uneven breath of a pasty-faced pudge-ball next to you?


My hands shake, my pulse races, but relief is close at hand. Soon the newspaper will arrive with today’s Sudoku.


If there is one piece of advice some of today’s most successful companies have to offer it is this, “Screw over your customers ruthlessly while shamel...


Advertising has always gotten me more worked up then it should. Something about the nerve they have presenting a product to you in a MOST disturbing m...


The phenomenon of priests, clerics and other religious sex offenders is, by all accounts, more like an epidemic rather than the occasional occurrence ...


As the court cases mount and the damages bills are likely to venture into the billions, Toyota must getting a bit worried about the overall effect on ...


Well might you say. "Poor old Santa". Here is the poor old pensioner trying to save some time by travelling via the Eurotunnel and he gets stuck on a ...


It is so sad to see people with obvious talents being ripped-off by crooks, charlatans, dodgy individuals and companies and other forms of low-life wh...


Has everything in your life that you have come to depend on recently become extinct? Announcing today, the discontinuation of everything that you like...


If yuo cna raed tihs tahn yuo adn I shaer a simliar prolbem. Spell chceker is agiasnt me and perahps it is agiasnt yuo too. Pelase hlep me find taht e...


True story: She says "i hope when you go hunting that the bullet bounces of the animal and hits you in your sorry little ass." She don't even wear ...


The next vaccine developed should be one that can cure the biggest pandemic this planet has ever seen. Panic and Paranoia have taken a hold of the min...


Beyonce, Paris and Nicole,
on a routine exhibition,
wore the largest sunglasses ever known.
High and vapid, It struck their brain daft (insert scre...


They say that survival is a basic human instinct, well if that is true then it is clear that evolution is still largely at play in the human race. Cle...


The vast majority of militant organizations are religious based or have some sort of religious mandate associated with their cause. Although be carefu...


We are all told to make lemonade when life hands us lemons but what if you just wanted some damn water? I didn't ask to be part of this stinking war a...


Social networking and the creation of groups on networking sites give people a sense of belonging and not being alone in the world. Yet this belonging...


It’s hard for to fathom what technology was like 50 years ago. In fact most would agree that the ‘technology age’ has existed in its entirety in the l...


If you aren’t careful technology has a way of leaving you behind faster then you can change the blade on your razor. It is difficult to imagine what t...


What came first - America's obsession with sex or Madison Avenues obsession with money?


Let's watch the greatest show on earth (if we can afford it).


Today businesses have implemented creative technology that actually makes you an employee minus all the benefits such as being paid or participating i...


We've all probably had the experience of watching a standup comic and finding ourselves laughing, then feeling slightly uncomfortable, then actually w...


If you have a fantasy, daydream, or secret desire, there is someone out there ready to help, for a price. The most toxic and seductive advertisements ...


Even with the worst crisis in the modern history, one thing everybody should agree is that the last eight years have provided more humorous material t...


When a body is delivered to the morgue, the Coroner, or in many instances now known as the Medical Examiner, have to answer two questions. Firstly, ho...


Racism, and in fact hatred against most minority groups, is often motivated by the malaise that is besetting the world, and that is the fear of change...


My father liked to take us on car trips - always leaving at the godforsaken time of 4am - heading north, mostly, and landing, sometimes, in Canada. Po...


I’m not sure what can really be said for travelling the world. So many proverbs come to mind and it’s really not in anybodies best interest if we tabu...


My friend has just died, but it doesn’t matter, I have a new and better friend now anyhow.


Tell ya what, if there is one thing we human people like doing, it's putting things into lists. It's like an obsession.


If money makes the world go round, prepare for a sudden jolt when it stops. The financial house of cards is getting caught in the crosswind of greed a...


The most emotionally taxing time of year for most people. With many asking, ‘how do I get by another Christmas?’ I have decided to offer you some poin...


Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat………and we all know that Christmas is full of those family traditions that we all love. My idea of Christm...


I am writing in advance to address your policy of gifts being delivered only to those children on your “Good” list.


An Open Letter to the people of Earth


We are waiting for you to come and save us. Our world is not united and the many conflicts direct effort away from the important problems facing us. I...


My personal anecdote in the middle of the fight that been troubling human mind since the beginning of time


I can't think straight. I haven't been able to all day. My mouth feels dry. I'm anxious and I feel on edge. I'm twitchy. I have a headache.


Alcohol. Drugs. Sex. Food. Gambling. Smoking. Porn. Exercise. Shopping. Bad Relationships. All addictions. Is there anything we're NOT addicted to? I ...


It is always great to see the kind of symptom lists that show if you have an addiction. Or these tests you take to see whether your sex life is good. ...


Seeking self-help implies one has a self-problem, and who doesn't? Too shy, too fat, too skinny, too nervous, not artistic enough, too autistic - the ...


With the election finally over, we can turn to the biggest social divider of our lifetime, religion.


In this excerpt from Mr. Shelton's forthcoming novel "The Message" (expected relase date, Fall 2009), a humorous insight is posited as to what God has...


Religion! Ah...there's a word that crashes into a conversation like a Steer on a Segway. Nothing creates more drama, tension, and war than the old 'my...


A generation or more after the Holocaust, the Troubles in Ireland, and consistent religious oppression in other countries, there comes a phenomenon: t...


You knew it would happen sooner or later. You knew there was no escape. But do you really know why?


Why will the GOP Lose This Presidential (and several senatorial) Election in 2008? Seven reasons. All pretty simple.


How important the star system is as a useful campaign tool to get their respective candidates into the White House, come the election on November 4th.


How can you NOT know who you are going to vote for in this election? Are you friggin’ KIDDING ME?!?!?!? I don’t know that there has ever been two cand...


A humorous and insightful look at obesity. What causes it. What Doesn't. Who's to blame.


Bedtime stories are an important part of childhood. These stories will make them an important part of therapy.


Sometimes crazy people who are oddly obsessed with things that happened 500 years ago need to be chronicled too.
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