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Article published on 7th June 2005 in CHEERS          










UK GOVERNMENT SUPPORTS WAR CRIMES ACCUSED FOR EU PRESIDENT
It has been revealed that the Gordon Brown Government is endorsing former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair to become EU President. In a move that will be fiercely opposed in Europe, current UK Government ministers are lobbying behind the scenes on Blair's behalf.

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Cheer Up America!

Article by
The Comic in Red Shoes
In Search of Laughs!

(A quick look on the bright side)

 

Gosh, with all the holiday blues going around, and with all of Uncle Sam's woes these days, it's become real easy to get down on ourselves lately.  But don't.  It's really not that bad for us.  Cheer up everybody!

 

OK, so we have an idiot son of a former owner running the place...but, haven't we always?  Outside our revered founding fathers, the greatest percentage of our presidents have been from near aristocracy.  Very few have been men of the people. Don't whine!

 

OK, so we have two undeclared wars continuing this moment, but haven't we always?  Between actual combat and covert operations, Americans in peril have served and died overseas since Uncle Sam was in diapers. Whether their service was in a just cause or not, defies my judgement.  Ask a historian. Besides, our citizens who are too young to remember our last wars, need to learn the realities of these conflicts. Maybe they won't make the same mistakes we and our parents did. Quit bitching!

 

OK, so everybody in the world is using their god to battle our god, hasn't it always been that way?  Of course it has. In the parlance of dodging the collection basket at 5:00 Mass on Sunday...that's the cost of doing business with people of different faith than yours. Walk it off, forget the perceived insults, both taken and given.  Remain calm in spirit. Expect to get what you give. The house odds are that you will usually win at least that bet, even though it's a longshot. Stand tall!

 

OK, so political discussion these days has reached the level of banter available at titty bars...hasn't it always?  Since Monica Lewinsky opened for business, the 24 hour news cycle demands to be fed! Just ask Kramer: aka Michael Richards! If you think the media is untamed now, study up on what happened to Jefferson or Lincoln. That makes us look almost civilized by comparison. (That's using ego scales adjusted for time )

 

OK, so there's more to get sick and die from now, than ever before, but...hasn't it always been that way?  As science expands it's database, the unknown always brings more bad news than good. But, wait and see.  As soon as some crazy venture capitalist sees enough profit in a particular thingy, we'll make a cure for everything that comes down the pipe. So to speak. It's just a matter of time and money....and then some more money....and then some more...and more. But, rest assured, our guys are working on some wild stuff.  Think differently!

 

OK, so Uncle Sam and all Americans have this really heavy stuff hanging on us right now, but compared to the hearty souls in our citizenry who have given so much to get us to where we are now, I don't rightly think any of us should bitch or whine too much, not now!  Look about your life and see the finery of it, that's the reason to cheer up. Smile! You know how lucky you are, or you should know. If the rude saying "He, who dies with the most toys, wins!" is accurate, Americans need to know and remember that we already won that race!  Don't whine or bitch! Not right now.

 

If you were on the International Space Station looking down, you'd see that there's very little difference between us and them.  You have to get close, real close, to see the reasons Americans have to be so happy.

 

So cheer up Americans, things really can't get too much worse that it seems they are for us these days. Cheer up, because sooner or later, somebody is going to figure out how to make money off of cheering up, and then we'll have to pay for that too!

 

Count your blessings and look forward.

Peace on Earth

Semper funny y'all!!



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sam says on 2007-02-23 14:00:36 about cheer up
Much like Ted, I cheered up after reading this. Unlike Ted, I see no hidden meanings in your writing. Swiftian? What a compliment!










Ted says on 2006-12-15 13:34:25 about Cheer up
You swiftian satirists are all the same. You make your point by showing farce and expect the reader to extrapolate on their own. Just say what you mean and forget all the hidden meanings. Other than that, I read your article and cheered up. Happy now?









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