The Evolution of a NEO-CON! ......or Please Come Back William F. Buckley, You Weren't THAT Bad!

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The Evolution of a NEO-CON! ......or Please Come Back William F. Buckley, You Weren't THAT Bad!

Article by
The Comic in Red Shoes
In Search of Laughs!

(An ongoing metamorphosis from homo sapiens to insecure warmonger)

It's time to realize wackos escaped from the booby hatch are advising the C student that runs America and the free world. Where did they come from? Were they nurtured or nourished? Are they hard-wired? What are the forces that warped their abilities to play well with others? Here's a short list of their developing phases you can use to identify and neutralize their aggressive tendencies. Be watchful, or else you and/or your family will be manipulated into fighting some stupid war too!

Most neo-cons will mutate through these twelve predictable stages:

Infant:

This is the baby that pees in your face and soils your pants. He's also the one that bonks you with his rattle at every chance. Watch him!

Toddler:

This is the three year old that runs around everywhere then invades your personal space (an indicator of pre-dispositional behavior).

Pre-teen:

This is the youngster that paints his face and nails black, he is sullen. He lies about intelligence. He blames others for everything and his constant cry is "Leave me alone!" He's a bed wetter.

Teen:

This is the individual that usually forgets what he promised to do, has slouchy posture, always seems confused, strikes out violently at others, but curiously, seems to think he knows everything.

Young adult:

This worker bee is a go-getter who ignores most lessons learned from the past. He drives his SUV like a tank. He's unfashionably late and usually tries to impress everybody. He is the first to question any authority and he wants to vote, he wants you to vote, and he wants your Auntie to vote too! Right now! Watch him!

Man:

This world wise guy disdains the lower classes. He knows in his heart, he's superior to those around him. He is the first one in the group to use manifest destiny as a personal alibi.

Disillusioned man:

If things had been done his way, we wouldn't be in the mess we're in now. He now calls the Iraq fiasco: Bush's Bay of Pigs. He says they're all bums anyway. Who cares how many of them die? He thinks about hitting his wife when he's impotent. He's the last to get to work, and the first one to leave. Bed wetter. He smells like Rush Limbaugh on a bad day. He demands: "Leave me alone!"

Bitter old man:

This old coot complains that HE had to serve all of his required National Guard time. He thought Pat Tillman was a sap. He knows who offed JFK and wants to take the vote away from women. He refuses to go hunting with Dick Cheney, but his feelings are hurt because he was never asked to go. Have the Homeland Security watch him!

Vice President:

...(This section deleted, due to national security requirements) ......" seems to be nice guy." is only entry in section remaining.

Bitter dead guy:

He was charged, but not indicted yet. He looks like George Will. He's buried with all of his guns, awarded Medal of Freedom. His gravestone reads: "See I told you over and over: I was right, and you, you jerk, are STILL wrong!"

Tortured soul:

He ruminates around White House. Really doesn't think Hell is all that bad, compared to living with the undecided voters, and those idiot liberals. He's forced to appear in Oliver Stone's next anti-war movie. He wants everybody and everything (the un-dead included) to just leave him alone!

Re-incarnated soul:

Ann Coulter, bed wetter, bulemic and liaress supreme!

Known neo-cons include: William Krystol, Paul Wolfowitz, General Rommel, Jack Bolton, Elliot Abrams, Benito Mussolini, Charles Krauthammer, Jonah Golberg, Meyrav Wurmser, Pol Pot, Ariel Cohen, Sean Hannity, Mothra, Michael Ledeen, Richard Pearl, Robert Kragan, Benedict Arnold, Jacques Barzun, Russel Crowe, The Devil Incarnate, David Horowitz, David Harsanyi, Sirhan Sirhan, Jeb Bush, Felix Rohatyn, Hap Arnold, John Podhoretz, Carl Gershman, Ted Nugent, Frank Gafney, O.J. Simpson, Thomas Donnely, Estonia's Siim Einfeldt, Leo Strauss,

Mao Tse Tung, Oliver North, Joe McCarthy, and of course, George Bush Jr.

These creatures, whether by evolution or intelligent design, (let neo-cons chew on that one for awhile!) have had hugely negative effects on the lives of innocent, peace loving people almost everywhere. If we track current and past neo-con activity and their plans, future citizens can still be forewarned.

This is my personal belief: Those who want a war, should be forced to fight in it!

If a citizen does not protest evil actions by his government, then he is as morally guilty as his government! I refer you to the Germans who let the Nazis take over! Heed my warning or risk the consequences: Watch the war hawks and neo-cons! Track them. Listen to the neo-cons, because surely they are listening to you. Or maybe they'll have the NSA do it without a warrant!

Fight neo-cons where they can't fight back! I propose a bumper sticker that says:

" NEO-CONS CREEP ME OUT! "

Peace out ...Red Shoe-wise!



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sheldon says on 2007-04-04 03:07:37 about neos
Identify and hunt down these idiots, then ship them to Iraq to finish what they started!










carney says on 2007-02-28 19:35:14 about neos
Buckley must be rolling in his grave from this! I hope the neocons don't come and get you!










Rick says on 2006-09-10 13:32:47 about neo-whoosis
The folks that stopped the Vietnam war should be back in the streets again! We proved "the power of the people" then, We can and should prove it again! It's not that we're against war, it's that we're against stupid, needless war!










Sam says on 2006-08-31 11:33:50 about NEO-CON
I'm so glad someone finally outted Mothra. That winged conservative insect is a danger to all mankind. As for the bedwetting stuff, you made me laugh so hard I nearly joined the group. Good stuff. We missed you last week? On vacation? Even whistleblowers need a little time off. Well done!










Willie says on 2006-08-31 09:39:23 about Would be funny...
Ah, whattya do?? It would be funny if wasn't so bang on the mark (OK, I laughed at the bed wetter thing, which is unfair to bed wetters, unless they are neo-cons, and then it's OK).

Let me know when those bumper stickers are available. I don't have a car, but I'll find a place for it!!

I saw a guy driving a massive SUV the other day, with a bumper sticker that said "Democracy is not Free" with a US flag. I am in Japan. The man was Japanese. The car was Japanese. I laughed. What an idiot.










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