Poor Lue's Almanack April '06 (The first part's true, the last part's Lue)
This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.
drenched by May showers. Here's some ephemera from the stream of
conciousness that will always represent our
Ah, it's the first days of spring, that's when a
young immigrant's thoughts often turn to finding a JOB, or RIOTING!
Looks like immigrant hopes for the Roadmap to
Amnesty are fading. It's been folded up and discarded back in the
glovebox, right next to the Roadmap for Peace, and the Roadmap to Heath Care!
"Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled
Really, the sign on
Gay and lesbian couples with kids were invited to
The White House Easter Egg Roll for the first time. But to get in, some the
couples were forced to redecorate the residential wing. Queer Eye Meets The Crawford Guy!
Security shuts down
alerted to a dangerous substance stored in the attic. As luck would have it, it was an old pool of HONESTY and nobody knew
what to do with it!
Constitution-Article 16 should read: " The Congress shall have power to Lay and Collect and WASTE taxes
on incomes from whatever source derived "...}
Former Oval Office advisors are deserting Jr's ship
of state like rats.
Everyone there who had an exit strategy, HAS
"YOU'RE DOIN' A GREAT JOB...GEORGIE!"
Bush's approval rating is at a HIGH of 32, and
Dick Cheney's rating is at a LOW of 18. Ironically, it kinda sounds like the overnight
weather forecast in Hillary Clinton's BEDROOM!
Remember when the very WORST the Republicans
was shoot themselves IN THE FOOT?
The Pentagon orders extra body armor-Priority
One! It's not for our troops in
it's for any future lawyers who go hunting with Dick Cheney!
Get the new Dick Cheney Vice Presidential ACTION
Doll! It comes with the authority to award no-bid contracts, declassify
documents, and it's very own shotgun!
Ammo, alibi, and lawyers not included.
So, now BOTH Dick Cheney and Bill Clinton
have shot someone...IN THE FACE!
Only an administration this inept, this dorky, this
arrogant...could make us all NOSTALGIC for the good ol' Bill
"Hillary is personally fighting global
warming."...so says her part-time hubby Bill: "At
least it sure FEELS that way in our bedroom."
Hillary Clinton is
portrayed in wax at Madam Toussuad's. It
really is a reasonable likeness, and even exudes MORE WARMTH!
gets to send our Bloods and Crypts to
to setup and operate their new National Lottery!
FEMA says it's ready for hurricane season, so that
means if you live nears
DOOMED! Run for it now!
Hey, as far as Sacremento and
EVEN Led Zeppelin KNEW the
levees were gonna break!
Secretary of Defense Do Rumsfeldt is so two-faced,
he can play
GOOD cop/ BAD cop... ALL
Five retired Generals call for Dr. Phil and
Neo-Cons know the aroma of skanky-ness, and
they like to refresh themselves in the perfume of it, from time to time!
Ask Ann Coulter!
Rudy Guiliani may run for president? Hey, isn't this the candidate that gets his support from
Since smog from
" EAT MY DUST!"
You know what you get when that happens? Lots more show biz AGENTS!
I got stopped at a tollboth on the New Jersey
Turnpike. Turns out mine was the one millionth vehicle this month. So, five guys
came out and SHOT my car!
Pat Robertson says:" Lacrosse is GATEWAY
behavior for Rape !"
Many don't know the new movie "Failure to
Launch" was secretly sponsored
...by CIALIS and VIAGRA!
Gwyneth Paltrow names her new baby: Moses,
and hides in a undisclosed, secure location to stop Angelina Jolie from
starting adoption procedures!
remake an ancient recipe for 140 proof whiskey!
Beam me down, Scottie!
Hooters Airlines goes belly up! It's my guess the planes had been FONDLED and BANGED around SO MUCH, they all
The planet Uranus was discovered in 1781! Now, it's
225 years later, and STILL, NO ONE will ADMIT to naming it!
New study sez Americans are cursing more. Son of
a bitch, what son of a bitch idiot says a stupid son of a bitching thing like
Poor Lue says: I don't know who the patron saint of
lucky fools is, but I hope He stops at your house when you need him!
more in Cheers
Has anyone had any green alien sex? William Shatner claims he hasn’t, even though we have all seen him on Star Trek doing that thing. My buddy George here claims the same, he says that it was nothing but a grown up dog. Well, when he told me that I secretly wished it would have been an alien, at least it would sound sexy not like throw-up-if-ya-want. I did, and explained it with something I had eaten the week before.
After revamping the look and feel of the magazine, it's time to take it to the next step. All aboard!
An Open Letter to Gov. Beefcake
When you are working as an entertainer, especially with a circus or other traveling show you are bound to hook up romantically with another performer once in awhile. Sometimes the only people you can even find to talk to are the folks in your production and you have no choice but to date another person in the biz.
I won’t lie to you. I am not the best husband in the world. I am not the greatest guy around. I am extremely selfish and flawed.