Thank you for reading thecheers.org's Humorous articles.

Socially Responsible BOOBIES!

 article about Jessica alba breast
2004-10-09 15:11:23
Recently we had a request made of us here at The Cheers: write an
article about, and I quote, BOOBIES! Let me reprint the request made at
our bulletin board forums, The Bar.

Jeannetta

Boobies


I
think someone should write an article about boobs. No shit, I am
serious. Some guy should write an article about boobs and how
preoccupied men are. I have been with my boyfriend for five years and
that is still his favorite thing about me. It's okay. It goes both ways
;)

Seriously. Boobies.

This can be considered either a
very odd request or a very typical request depending upon your point of
view. Odd if we were The New Yorker, typical because were an online
magazine. No matter what the forum, breasts are always en vogue.

I
suspected a post like this, regardless of if it were made by a man or a
woman, would bring about some controversy. From our own Gemma Coleman
(edited)

gem

"boobies"

I would really
like to go on a feminist rant here, but I'll just throw in a general
comment: if youre having boobies, us girls/gay men are having
testicles. Even if some of them pretend to disagree. Oh yes.

Gemma
is a most excellent journalist and very much a feminist. Shes the first
to defend the fairer sex when slighted and the first to protest when
ladies are objectified. Shes quick on the trigger on such issues, but
that is among the reasons why we love her. That, and shes a total
hottie! Who cares if she can write, you know what I mean, guys? OH!

Regardless of her position on feminist issues, I thought her comment was a bit inaccurate. Allow me to explain...

You cant demand testicles in return for boobies even if you are a girl or a gay man. It is not the same thing at all.

Welcome
to The Bar!First off, most of the gay men I know (I AM in the
entertainment business) are just as unusually fascinated with breasts
as straight men. Not sexually, mind you. No, most gay men admire
breasts as fashion accessories and are the first to comment on
well-presented dcolletage.

Next, if you can find a woman -- no
ANYONE -- in the world that finds a pair of testicles even remotely
attractive, Ill eat my hat! Testicles and male genitalia in general are
not appealing at all. Testicles dont inspire much passion from anyone,
much less women looking for an equal opportunity exploitation subject.

Breasts
are more aesthetically pleasing than the penis and testes. You can find
a great pair of breasts walking down the street, but youd have to
search long and hard for a great looking penis. Please excuse my
blatant use of words like long and hard in that last sentence.

Type
in the word testicles into Google and you have to go a LONG way before
you find any porn sites dedicated to people with a lust for nuts. In
fact, the FIRST site that pops up in that search, Scrambled Eggs, is a
site that does not glorify or objectify the testicles at all. No, this
site pays tribute to the art of KICKING TESTICLES! Is this the
feminists revenge Gemma is looking for?

So how do we pay equal
time to the ladies in our audience if mens crotches wont suffice?
Perhaps the answer lies within posts at The Bar. One respondent replied
(edited)

Jamie

Boobies

Why be insulted or need to go on a "feminist rant" ? (politely :-)

I'm
a bit of a feminist myself, but it's sort of a fact of life. Men luv
them and would wear one attached to their faces at all times if
possible.

Me, I enjoy a good 'guy bending down.'

Does that make me less of a feminist? Less of a STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN?

Nah, it makes me human.

C'mon, Gemma :) You know you like your Brad Pitt topless if at all possible.

The lovely Gemma finally hit the nail on the head!

gem


Wasnt
being completely serious and dont mind boobies as long as we get some
equality and have sexy men too. Thats all I was saying! Eye candy for
both sexes for a change. I completely agree of course men like boobs,
But us women shouldnt be denied eye candy either - its always women who
are the looked at species - time we sorted it out!

Look at those
two posts. Jamie is quite obviously interested in the booty on a man,
whereas Gemma is unspecific about what constitutes eye candy for her.

I
COULD easily post a link to the Chippendales site or the Thunder from
Down Under in order to balance the scales, but if I were to post a
beefcake photo of what I think might be a good looking man I am
confident that wed get too varied a response from our female readers.
He could be too hairy or not hairy enough, too muscular or not muscular
enough... You get the idea! If I post a photo of even an average pair
of breasts, the guys, while not necessarily loving the set I chose,
would be thankful for the free shot of the hooters.

The
conclusion? It is difficult to find that special jaw-dropping feature
on a man that universally appeals to women. Women, being decidedly less
sexual than us dumb old men, find too many different things to be
turn-ons. Women like eyes, arms, asses, legs, backs. Some women really
mean it when they say looks dont matter at all. How absurd! Seriously,
how can we objectify men if you cant get together on a single fetish
feature?

Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy. If that isn't the
problem, then certainly it has something to do with the fact that
breasts are visible even when they are fully clothed. Men can see the
shape of a woman very easily thanks to the breasts. Men dont have those
appendages that are so clearly visible to the naked eye. Yes, we have
that ONE appendage where size is so often an issue, but you cant see it
in public. Unless youre a combination of John Holmes, Long Dong Silver,
and Ron Jeremy, I dare say that even the most formidable package is not
that noticeable in blue jeans.

I suppose I cannot do an
article about breasts AND eye candy. I will have to hang my head in
shame for even bringing up the subject.

Of course, I can
fulfill the request of reader Jeannetta and make an attempt NOT to
offend the feminists out there by writing about SOCIALLY RESPONSIBLE BOOBIES!

Recently
I came across two websites that bring mans obsession with the breasts
to a whole new level. In fact, they almost legitimize the entire
scenario.

At the popular CollegeHumor.com, a rather clever way to help the undecided voter has emerged. Election Erection 2004 features
photos of young ladies endorsing their favorite candidates by painting
their bodies with campaign slogans, covering up vital parts with
campaign stickers, and making obvious use of the coincidental irony
provided by having a candidate named Bush.

Let the PeepHole
Decide!At the time of this writing, Kerry was winning the race, 160-81.
I am assuming the total is based upon the sheer number of photos for a
certain candidate over another and is not determined by the quality of
the breasts. Thats too subjective a determining factor I suppose, but I
can say that some Nader supporters need some support themselves!.

Most
photos do a fine job of concealing the students identities while
revealing everything else ending in -ities. All participants are
willing, of-age, politically active women. I am hopeful that they are
all registered voters. I am not altogether sure that their parents
would be proud and I am confident that nobody expected tuition money to
go for such an activity. Still, is that the point? No. The point is
that these ladies are using their bodies and mens obsession with them
to promote change and encourage young people to vote.

Score one for the evil pig-dog-bastard-men AND the powerful self-actualized women.

However the BEST way women have managed to make their breasts truly work for the benefit of the world can be found at the Blogger Boobie-Thon!
This annual event, in its third year, raises money to support breast
cancer research and will one day provide a cure for the dreaded
disease. As their slogan says, "they want to find a cure AND bust!" How
do they do it?

Answer: Fellow bloggers and posting photographs of their breasts.

The
main page of the site will always be friendly for viewing at work, but
within the pages of the Boobie-Thon site you may view all of the photos
at your leisure. There are photos of cleavage, fully clothed breasts,
breasts in lingerie, naked breasts, and EVENget ready
ladiesbare-chested men!

BOOBIES with an AgendaHeres the genius
to this plan: the photos of the clothed breasts are viewable by anyone.
The naked photos are in a pay section and the money spent on your own
personal viewing goes to help fight breast cancer. If all this seems a
bit too unseemly to you then you can simply click a link and make a
donation, leaving you free from the breast-viewing experience.

While
I would like to point out the irony of a group of women showing off
their breasts to help women that may no longer have breasts, I cannot
even attempt to poke fun at this clever and very serious fundraiser.
Once again, both sides of the fence seem to be well-served within this
otherwise chauvinistic world.

The 2004 Boobie-Thon concluded on
October 10th and at the time of this writing they have already
surpassed their goal of $7,000.00. Sadly, I was not aware of this site
until it was too late for me to adequately promote their efforts. I
know that if The Cheers is around in 2005, well be sure to give these
women thecoverage they truly deserve.

If you would like to make
a donation for next year or would like more information about the
Boobie-Thon and breast cancer research, there is a wealth of
information and links available at the Boobie-Thon website.

Looking
for more Tales from Andy Land? Read Andy's BLOG or click HERE to read
his past articles for The Cheers. If you would like to send Andy photos
of your breasts click HERE!


Get to know Andy by visting his blog at andymartello.com. Recently he also published a book, The King of Casinos: Willie Martello and the El Rey Club, which you can learn more about here.




have your say


more in Cheers
You Might be a Yankee If...

There've been hard feelings between Northerners and Southerners since 1861. Much of these sentiments have faded, but let's get real, not all of them.

26 Ways To Repair America's Image!

Let's face it, as far as America's popularity around the globe goes, we're not doing so well right now. We should be brainstorming to come up with some jazzy ideas to get us back to being everyone's best bud!

My Farked Up Life: Prisoner of The Cheers

Iím being kept in chains inside the cyber castle of The Cheers magazine. My editorial staff is throwing stones at me, one bigger than the other. They used to just call me bad names, but that all changed when I told them thereís no money for them anymore.

' People Voting With their Feet! '

(Resistance is Futile!)   DNA scientists have pretty much proven humans first migrated out of Africa, and split in two basic groups. The first slowly  "lumbarred" to Euro-Asia, the second ...

From First to Worst!

(A critique on The USAís slide in worldwide popularity!)   Gosh, it seems like just a few years ago Uncle Sam, America, and  most of its people were hot!  Damned hot! We all felt lots...

thecheers.org

Welcome to TheCheers! We've been around for a long time now, since 2004, publishing articles by people from all over the world. Roughly 300 people from 30 different countries have written for us over the years. Should you want to become a volunteer contributor, be sure to contact us!

Educational resources
Entertainment Blogs
get in touch

You can contact us via The Cheers Facebook page or The Cheers NEW Twitter account.