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How To Stop The War in 5 Hard Steps (A Preemptive Peace Attack!)

 article about stop the war
2006-06-12 05:23:07

This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.

(If you want peace, read on. If you don't want peace, then go away…Or go invade something…or go bomb somebody…just don't read this.)

If the doctrine of preemptive attack works in war, then maybe that same doctrine will work for peace! All those in favor of peace… ATTACK!

As kindling for this thesis, right up front, I do categorically proclaim

America is a peace-loving nation. And we'll kill anybody and everybody Who disagrees! Ben Franklin said, "There never was a good war, or a bad peace!" I agree with him. People do work incredibly hard to get ready for war, so I assume we will have to work even harder to get to peace.

But, we'll have to go to peace with the army we have! Working for, and getting peace…is a hard job, real hard! (Only real hard workers and/or the foolhardy need apply for this difficult job)

Step 1.
Petition our elected representatives to renew the clause "ONLY Congress has the power to declare war." (Point out our Congress has NOT declared war! Then, empowered by Our Constitution, control the national purse strings, and put an injunction on both of the Presidential and Vice Presidential paychecks.)

Step 2.
Trillions of dollars for our defense, NONE for regime change! (Unless it's for right here in America!)

Step 3.
Prohibit gasoline sales over $2 per gallon. (This is sure to make the Corporate world crazy and cement our Peace constituency bases.)

Step 4.
Conduct a national campaign against all elected officials who have supported the war! (Get Ralph Nader to head our effort, because
does shame any better than Ralph Nader does shame! Rap Artists can and will supply the violence, if any is needed.)

Step 5.
Enlist cultural icons to join our fight! (Musical stars like Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young resisted the war in Vietnam and brought their fans into the fray. Are Joan Baez and Country Joe still alive? Will they help us? Ask Oprah and Jerry Springer to instruct their audiences to picket for peace. That should scare anybody.)

Winston Churchill once said: "You should never criticize your country when abroad, and never cease when at home!" I take old Winnie's advice to heart. My call to action here is meant to make America a better place for everybody!

This is my solemn conclusion: The only sure-fire way to doom a democracy is to try to shove democracy down somebody else's throat! (OK, it worked in Japan, but everybody gets lucky once in a while). Let's avoid that mistake.

I am Lue Deck, The Comic in Red Shoes,
And I approved this message

Peace out! Double true!

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