In the course of human events, it has become necessary for one people
to dissolve the bonds that restrain each from saying, “Stop that!” I
may have a lot of gall, but I hereby do accuse those addressed within
this list and declare,
“STOP THAT!” All pecker-picker-upper ads on TV (yeah we know)…
STOP THAT!
Any and all concerned who make the decisions to advertise any feminine
hygiene products during the dinner hour, be it radio, TV, or text
message…
STOP THAT! Ken Jennings, who won 74 straight times on Jeopardy and is about to bankrupt Merv Griffin and the whole damn show…STOP THAT!
All Indianapolis Pacer and Detroit Piston employees, you are scaring
the children, the advertisers, and the golden goose with your teenage
temperaments…
STOP THAT! To the war hawks at the Pentagon planning their next invasion…
STOP THAT! (We know an invasion isn’t your best moment but State Farm will be there with you.)
RED State people who want the BLUE State people hunted down, and exterminated as soon as possible…
STOP THAT! Ralph Nader:
STOP THAT! STOP THAT! STOP THAT! STOP THAT!
Clinton Presidential Library, the largest conglomeration of double-wide
house trailers in the entire world, opening it’s own onsite Dry
Cleaners…
STOP THAT! To each and every one of Donald
Trump’s toupee makers and all of his bankruptcy lawyers, for America’s
sake (you’re scaring the children, too!)…
STOP THAT! To anybody who helped get Bobbie Brown out of the slammer…
STOP THAT! To those who commission, produce, or appear in reality TV shows…
STOP THAT! (Reality is what happens when you turn the TV set OFF!)
The idiot cocaine users who are ruining the pot markets everywhere…STOP THAT!
Drivers using their cell phones while trying to kill me on the freeway…
STOP THAT! The “Can you hear me now?” guy…
STOP THAT! If you don't, we will hunt you down and make you suffer over and over like we have.
From the American and Canadian Dental Associations to the NHL…
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, STOP THAT! Pauley Shore, you little weasel, whatever you’re doing these days…
STOP THAT! To Courtney Love, who is rumored to be trying to get pregnant…
STOP THAT! PLEASE STOP THAT! FOR GOD’S SAKE…PLEASE STOP THAT! Ventriloquists everywhere, get your hand out of the puppet’s anal cavity. You are twisted and sick…STOP THAT!
Rap artists who are intent on doing each other harm…
DON’T STOP NOW! Martha Stewart to Inmate #50039…
STOP THAT!
Collectively, Tom Arnold, Yanni, John Tesh, Richard Simmons, Ru Paul,
Bill O’Reilly, Howard Stern, Jacques Chirac (you little weasel), Kim Il
Jong (you even littler weasel), Don King, Clay Aiken, Fidel (did I say
OOPS?) Castro, and Jerry Springer…ALL OF YOU STOP IT IMMEDIATELY OR I
WILL TURN YOU IN TO THE IRS AND THE DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY!
To my gentle readers, I realize that I am but one lonely man (in Red
Shoes) and I cannot change this big, nasty world alone. I ask for your
help in this hopeful endeavor by sharing with me the things and people
to whom you want to scream…STOP THAT!
I can envision hoards
of angry protestors from Mexico to Moscow, from Madison, Wisconsin to
Tallun, Estonia, from Bangkok, Thailand to Bangor, Maine storming their
local bastions of power with huge signs and powerful chants of:
STOP THAT!... Tags:
world america Family war Love government Religion living 
