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Ten Reasons Why Conservatives Love George W. Bush

 article about Ten Reasons Why Conservatives Love George W. Bush
2004-09-04 20:53:32
10.   Great Articulation. During his press conferences I've yet to hear  

the president mispronounce a word or desecrate the English  language. Moreover,

I've never heard him utter anything of a moronic nature.  Well, except for the

time when he said "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."

 And let's not forget  he also stated, "I am honored to shake the hand of a

brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off  by Saddam Hussein."  On second

thought,  it's clear that we have to deviate from the  articulate angle. What a

pity!

9.  He is so charismatic.  Whenever  I see the president,  visions of  Howdy

Doody spring to mind. For those 30 and under, Howdy Doody is the puppet  from

a  1950s children's  TV show. And just like  Howdy, Bush too  has an

exaggerated smile. Another similarity the two share is  that they're  both stiff as

a board.   Which explains why the president's decision to invade  Iraq was  

equivalent  to that of  a  puppet on a string.

8.  His patriotism. Unlike many  young men who opted not to go to Vietnam,

Bush served his country by enrolling in the National Guard. And as soon as

those military  records are found, just like the weapons of mass destruction he

adamantly   refers to,  everyone will appreciate this man's  love  for  his

country. What a man, What a man!

7.  He always tells the truth. That's right, our president is so honest you

can believe everything he says and then some. And for anyone who disagrees with

him, they're depicted as  "lip scrunching, jaw-jerking, anti-patriotic

liberals."  Case in point:  If   Bush says John Kerry  is too progressive to be

elected president-- it's probably true. After all this is the man who told us

umpteenth times that  Saddam Hussein has  ties  to Al-Qaeda.  And on that note I

can honestly  say, Dubya  gives new  meaning  to  the phrase TALKING LOUD AND

SAYING ABSOLUTELY  NOTHING.

6. His sense of  humor.  For instance, whenever the president comes on my TV  

screen I automatically  burst into laughter. Yeah, that silly grin and  

lumbering walk  gets me every time. Perhaps if he stopped flashing  that bogus  

smile  the laughter would stop. Or perhaps not.

5. His Moral Fiber.  Oh man what a saint. Besides doing a "little  drinking"

in  his  youth,  this guy is so morally pure I want to tell the whole world.  

I bet you won't catch an intern kissing this president  Besides, he's too busy

extolling   his role   as  the  "war president."  Ah,  why can't we all be

this perfect?

4. His intelligence.  Honestly, have  we ever had a commander-in-chief  who  

was  so  smart? Hey,  can you spell  dummylicious? pronounced dum-e-lish-ous.  

Don't worry  he can't either.

3.  Compassion.  He has it in droves, especially when targeting special  

interest groups and organizations. For example, lauding the immorality of same

sex marriage to secure his conservative voter base. That's right George, when  

your  administration fails to  scare everyone  with its vague terrorist

threat  alerts, the next step is to  play the family values card.  The president

is probably thinking, if  I can't scare the American people into re-electing

me by raising the terrorist alert when it suits me, I will remind them about

those men and women who get a thrill out of drilling each  other instead  of  

the opposite sex. We humorists  call such behavior,  the incorrigible jabs  of a

real  GIRLIE MAN.  

2.  Honesty:  Oh how can I say it? Let me count the ways. I would love to but

time doesn't permit me to engage in such fantasies.

1.  Major   Insomnia  Reliever: Within seconds after seeing or  hearing the

president, I quickly  fall asleep.  So who needs over the counter sleep aids

when George W. Bush  is available?   According to sources who requested

anonymity, the president is so boring, he would make a dead man rise from his grave.  

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ! And there you have it, 10 reasons why conservatives  love George

W. Bush. And if you can't figure out the logic behind  this commentary you

are truly an admirer. So,  what does that say about you?




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