The Cop and The Comic! (I married a cop...what was I thinking??)
This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.
met on a cruise ship. No names please,
but the ship was with a cruise line that rhymes with " Parnival! "
all heard that old saw: "Love is like a bird in the hand, if you hold
it too tight, you'll crush it! If you hold too loosely, it will fly away! And if it does fly away, then that
love was never meant to be!" Well, when we flew away from each other, it
was hard to tell which of us was the most relieved!
Holiday ported at Cozumel, The Cayman Islands, and
By the time we got back to
I was in head over heels! It was love at first handcuffs! She wore red shoes, when we were wed.
told me right after court that day: "Don't ever get arrested! I'll hear about it, somehow I'll get
there!" So, I don't speed in my
car, or even litter anymore! That reunion, I don't want to be there for!
tell this joke about it: On the same day
that I got divorced, I up, and lost my divorce papers! (Arms and legs akimbo,
flailing like an epeleptic!) I guess it must have been sometime during the dance!
( ...I'm free! I'm free...)
get to my point: I just love strong
women! They are the best! My Mom was a
strong woman! So was her Mom! My sister is still one of the strongest women
I've ever met! She married a cop too!
have a word of advice for you men: If you're lucky enough to have a strong
woman in your life, whether you're sitting with her, loving her, living with
her, or just know that you want a strong woman...You nurture her! You listen to
her! You support her, and her choices! Or
.....she will break both of your damn legs!
I know this now. I do love strong women! In fact, the woman I was married to,
was a Sargeant of Police in
name...what was I thinking??
given the chance to have sex in her patrol car at sixty MPH on Interstate
75...No! No...nevermind! What was I thinking??
may not believe this either, but it's hard, sleeping with a policewoman! Her
gun? Well, it was bigger than mine! Actually, the last time we made love, she
gave me a ticket...for goin' too fast!
think what really pissed her off though...was that rear-end collision! She
tried to book me for Assault and Battery.....with a dead weapon!
I'm a better man for the experience!
I've also gained a whole new respect for those that carry a gun and
badge. If you think your life is tough, try doing the right thing every
moment of every day, every day of every week, every week of every year! It gets harder to do, the further you get in!
It's an awesome burden to bear, but those who protect and serve, they ask for
it. They ask for that burden every day
they go to work! So, if you can, cut
'em some SLACK, won'tcha?
if you happen to see, or happen to hear that I got arrested, just please, please,
more in Cheers
John Donne said: “No man is an island, entire of itself…any man’s death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind…”
I tried to ramp up for this list. Sadly, it wasn’t too much of a stretch. Most men might agree with me, but not out loud.
(Take time to smell the flowers, before we're drenched by May showers. Here's some ephemera from the stream of conciousness that will always represent our America. Keep your ears loose...Lue)
Has anyone had any green alien sex? William Shatner claims he hasn’t, even though we have all seen him on Star Trek doing that thing. My buddy George here claims the same, he says that it was nothing but a grown up dog. Well, when he told me that I secretly wished it would have been an alien, at least it would sound sexy not like throw-up-if-ya-want. I did, and explained it with something I had eaten the week before.
After revamping the look and feel of the magazine, it's time to take it to the next step. All aboard!