Yesterday I went to a club with some good friends. We had some
beers, lots of laughs, talks about my really long nipples and by the
end of the night I found out I was gay, as was my friend.
That’s what happens if you read women’s magazines and have couple of
drinks at the same time. That’s when we all start to make science. In
this issue of the magazine called Trend, our female companions (no, no
girlfriends, no sex buddies, just friends to clear it up, duh) found a
test – How To Find Out Your Boyfriend Is Gay or something similar. At
least that’s how the story goes – it was a test to find out how gay a
guy is.
There were 13 different questions that they asked us.
I don’t remember all the questions, but just to give you some sort of
idea what it was all about:
What kind of underwear to you
wear? Do they shape your ass well? Do you sometimes wear strings? Name
5 clothes designers They smelled me to find out if I use some sort of
perfume Have I called anyone "honey" or "dear"? How does my hair look?
Is it well-shaped? Would you ever work as a steward, bartender,
interior designer, hair dresser or such? Have you ever discussed the
shape of your boobies with anyone? Do you watch Sex and the City? Have
you ever done a full volt? Do you wear close-fitting shirts? ....blah
The rest of the questions were all alike. By the end of the day I was
pretty straight gay. I scored 11 out of 13 possible points. A friend of
mine, definitely a lot more gay than I, scored only 10. But one way or
another, lets face it, it doesn’t matter from which side we look at it
– front, back or the contents of my wet fantasies, it turned out that
my friend and I both contain a whole lot of 'gay.' For me, it explanes
EVERYTHING. The fact why I don’t have a girlfriend (I should have been
looking for a boyfriend instead, duh), the fact why my nipples are so
long, or, actually, why I stretched them so long. Right now they’re
about 13 feet...don’t ask.
To tell you the truth this piece of writing is starting to remind me a column I used to write –
“My Farked Up Life”.
In other words: something wannabe-humorous, but basically pretty much
nonsense, without a point and far from anything real. Well, that’s the
way I like it actually. As for the gay test – then actually everything
I told you about it, is true. Unfortunately, I can’t remember all the
questions that were in there. Good memory and loads of booze don’t
always fit together too well. As for my long-long nipples, I’ll leave
it up to you. As Ripley says: “Believe it or not.”
One last
thing: I’d like to ask if you know of any really good gay tests around
there? I’d be glad to take one, just to double-check before I dive into
the action. I know the tests are 100% true, but still, I think it’s
better to be careful than to regret it later. Respect to the magazines
with gay tests! How else would I find out I’m gay? God save the Siim
and if you’re reading it, you too.
But still - How gay are You?
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