So far, the comments are sparse. We are still, after all, a fairly new
entity in the World Wide Web and I cant expect all to read a story and
feel compelled to leave a rating or a personal comment. However I can
certainly come to one conclusion when I look at the other stories; you
seem to be a crowd that likes controversy.
Our recent
front page story
about shopping for a bride in India inspired 20 comments from our
readers. Yes, many of these readers were either friends of the author
or anonymous internet freaks that really love to get into fights with
other anonymous internet freaks, but the comments were there
nonetheless. Further examination shows that edgy or taboo topics invoke
action from our readers. Religion always gets a few nice reactions.
Stories about self-imposed human suffering incite the odd response here
and there. Seeing the writing on the virtual wall, I have decided to
retool my own work.
It seems that stories about showering with
horses, juggling sex toys, and being a chronically sober man arent good
enough, and my opinion piece about gay marriage hit the net before we
had found our controversy-hungry audience. So, it is now time for me to
break out the dark side of Andy Land and make with the anger and
wrath-inspiring content already. Brace yourselves, it is gonna get ugly
in here.
Here goes. Janet Jacksons boob? I liked it. Ive wanted
to see it since I was teenager and I am happy I saw it as an adult. In
fact, Id like to see it again right now how about you?
Anyone
who was actually offended by its 3/100 of a second appearance on TV is
just a total pansy-moron who has nothing better to do with their time
but complain. Admit it, the real reason youre mad is YOU wanted to see
it as much as I did and became angry when it finally happened and there
as a damned hubcap on it!
Now that Im warmed up, I am going to
say something that is sure to get your your blood boiling: Hitler was
right! I am NOT referring to his politics & prejudices. But it
should follow that he was right about SOMETHING at least once in his
life, maybe a trivia answer or a math question on an exam. I cant say
for sure. All I know is that whenever anyone tries to examine any
aspect of Hitlers life in a reasonable and clinical manner, there is no
tolerance for positive commentary. He might have been a snappy dresser
or kind to small animals for all we know. However, publish your
findings with information featuring a happy slant and it will be
interpreted as an anti-Semitic remark. Since I am merely stirring the
pot and courting controversy with this article, I have no problem with
boldly proclaiming, Hitler was right, and waiting for your complete and
utter overreaction.
Wow, this is fun! Lets seeOh yeahJEWS!
Theres nothing wrong with the word, the people or the religion, but
since anti-Semitism, and more importantly, the perception of
anti-Semitism is always a great way to get people to rise up and be
heard, I am just going to print the word JEWS in bold face. Now, I am
not in any way an anti-Semite, and I truly abhor any form of hate or
racism, but this isnt about me. It is about getting people motivated to
leave comments and show the editors their internet publication is being
read. So what better way than to say JEWS so immediately after a Hitler
paragraph? In fact, I can most assuredly get someone to go nuts with
the comments feature of the site if I print the word like this
JEWS!
See
what a little clever use of the fonts can bring about? I think just
about any word would incite rage if printed in this manner. Lets try a
few others.
MUSLIMS!
HINDUS!
BERKELEY BREATHED!
Very cool! The choice of font will really spark the anger. If Id have written
JEWS
in
this lighthearted font, youd have simply moved on to the next article
without saying anything. I mean really, I didn't even include a
"smiley-face" emoticon. That would be a great disservice to The Cheers
and I would have failed. Not gonna happen, buddy!
Well, there it
is. Some pretty hard-edged stuff, eh? If this wasnt enough to get your
fingers a tappin on your keyboard, I will leave you with some random
hotbed topics. Once again, I will not really stress any angle or belief
about these topics, partially because I know nothing about anything of
substance, but more because I know most people dont really read about
these subjects as opposed to READING INTO them. Bill Maher often talks
about fake outrage among the American people. This article should not
only encourage a few comments from our valued readers, but serve as a
tribute to fake outrage everywhere. I will use the evil font for
maximum effect. I look forward to your comments. Enjoy!
Abortion Gay Marriage
W.O.M.D.
Michael Moore PETA
Penis
Rush Limbaugh
Rush Limbaugh's Penis
MONKEYS!
German Potato Salad!
Tags:
controversy Fun Writing humor comedian comedy 
