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THE JAE JOURNAL December 20, 2004

 article about 10 most fascinating people 2004 by Barbara Walters
Welcome to the Journal. Today we look at the 10 most fascinating
people according to the little world of Barbara Walters and bring it
down to the common level. I do believe that Ms. Walters is in no place
to make these kinds of judgments on people since she is retiring.
Therefore, I think I should take over the job. So here we go...


This was in no particular order by the way…

1) Karl Rove

The
Most Fascinating person of 2004? Yeah he is fascinating all right. He
is the man behind the whole "us vs. them" mentality that many people in
this country have. You know, if you criticize 'W,' you are a terrorist.
He has helped to invoke fear in many of the great people in this
nation. He is a rabble-rouser and a puppet master. If Rove tells Bushie
to read a sentence, Bush will. Whether it will be note for note is a
whole new issue. Karl Rove has helped divide this country by his
strategy of "Bush winning the vote based on the morals and values."
Yet, my idea of morals and values isn't by going back to the 1940s
where everything was so happy. I feel that is the direction Rove and
Bush want to take the country and I think we can't go back to that era.
Too many crazy shit has happened since then.

2) Mel Gibson

If
there were a most intense or most unbalanced person for 2004, Mr.
Wallace would get it. Mel Gibson is a very complex man, but he speaks
his mind and doesn't hold back so it makes people nervous. The Passion
of the Christ was a reminder of Mr. Rigg's conviction to the things he
believes in. I have a great deal of respect for this man. He gave the
finger to the establishment and to the majority releasing that film
that had to be seen. He has always been his own man, and he does
deserve a seat on Barbie's list.

3) Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin

I
don't know what makes them so spectacular, but I do like Google. It is
my favorite search engine. I'm feeling lucky! Yeah! These guys are
billionaires but they still live the normal life. Good for them!

4) Curt Schilling, Boston Red Sox pitcher

So
what if he was injured and his stupid team came back to win the World
Series. As far as I am concerned, the Red Sox's fan base is that of the
same mentality of the Cubs fans. They are alcoholic drunks who blame
their losses on a curse. I thought the Red Sox did an unbelievable job
in the baseball post season, but Schilling almost blew it when they
were playing New York. Curt Schilling can take a flying leap off of
Fenway Park for all I care. That goes for anyone else who is a Red Sox
fan, too. Bad pick. Bad, bad pick. I think you should have gotten
William Hung for this instead. Imagine someone who rips off other's
songs and sings them really poorly.

5) Usher

Jesus
Christ, come on! This guy sounds like so many R & B artists out
there that are saturating the radio world. Women are driven crazy by
those abs. An usher is exactly what this man needs to be - a movie
usher, a theatre usher, a funeral usher, for his own funeral perhaps.
If he really wanted to do his Confessions album justice, he could have
easily written his first single and titled it I Suck Ass. I like the
song with Alicia Keys, and I like the sample, but then Usher ruins it
when he opens his mouth, kind of like when he is on a date. I guess I
have to give credit where credit is due; at least he doesn't go after
15 year olds and shit.

6) Paris Hilton

She
can make Hustler's top 10 and I wouldn't say a word. However, in the
real world, one must have a talent besides fucking and filming oneself
doing it in order to be special. She makes herself out to be such a
naïve little girl but look at all the guys she kicked it with in 2004.
I am surprised her and Usher didn't hook up and do a music video for
Spice Channel. Oh wait a minute! She supposedly doesn't like black men.
Then again, a dick is a dick for her you know. You cannot justify this
woman's existence to me. She's a model. Yeah, so what? There are many
models out there that are smarter than she is and have a more advanced
vocabulary than "that's hot." She wrote a book. Madonna wrote children
books, too. She is releasing an album. I believe the world would want
to hear nails on a chalkboard rather than her stupid voice. After all,
many have heard her sing a song. It is a remake of Kiss's Uh All Night,
just there is no music and many squishy noises.



7) Oprah Winfrey


I
know I can't believe I am saying this, but Oprah is not that bad. She
gave away all those cars, she lobbied against meat (that was a while
ago though), she gets away with talking about sex explicitly on daytime
TV, she gave away a house, and much, much more. I have watched her show
a couple times this year and she is growing on me. However, I will not
declare my devotion to the daytime diva until she buys me a car, or
produces MJP as the first renegade show under the Harpo banner, he he
he!

8) Michael Moore

As much as I can say that
I appreciated Fahrenheit 9/11, I do not appreciate Michael Moore as a
person. The man gave the impression that he was some kind of hero going
to Iraq and talking to the soldiers about their thoughts on the war,
when all along it was someone else's film. He then went to France and
told them he is ashamed to be an American. If you are so ashamed of
being an American, move there you sonofabitch. Don't sit here and tell
us it is your patriotic duty as an American to make a movie that
produces a powerful punch and wake up call to many 'uninformed'
Americans and then go overseas and talk about how much our country
sucks. It is OK to criticize government, not to talk about the country
like that. Follow the Dixie Chicks lead and say your president, not
your country, embarrasses you, jackass.

9) Donald Trump

No
one brings more fun to the phrase "you're fired" than Mr. Trump. I
remember my first viewing of the Donald was at Wrestlemania IV at Trump
Plaza in Atlantic City. I respect him immensely even though he didn't
get his marriage shit right. I wrote off The Apprentice as another
shitty reality show until I met Bill Rancic. I thought he was a pretty
cool guy, so I decided to start watching The Apprentice to cheer him
on. Since then, it has become a guilty pleasure of mine. I feel that
Trump putting his name on everything from ice cream to water is a
little eccentric, but you cannot deny the brain of this man. He knows
when to get into something at the right time and walk out a winner. One
of my goals for 2005 is to read The Art of the Deal. He is someone I
can learn something from.

10) Ken Jennings

How
does this goofball make the list? He won a damn game show. So what?
Many people have won shitloads of money on game shows. Remember the
first millionaire on Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? Did he get a spot
on Barbie's list? This guy is such a nerd and I hate that weasel smile
of his. I don't know why I have so much animosity towards this man. I
think it is because of the smile.

Honorable mention: Michael Jae

Barbara
Walters didn't mention Michael Jae because when Michael Jae is around
her, she goes crazy inside. She sees a man in Michael Jae who terrifies
her, so she can't be in the same room with him. She sees herself in him
- a person who asks the tough questions like she does. Most of all, she
likes Michael Jae's beautiful blue eyes. She can't talk about him or
she will go into an orgasmic frenzy just by the mere mention of his
name. (More like a homicidal rage.)

Truth be told, I can't
hold a candle to BW when it comes to journalistic integrity. However,
when it comes to telling it like it is, I'm the most fascinating person
in 2004, and don't any of you fucking forget it!

Your best friend,

MJ

Hope it was good for you.



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