Ephemera from Poor Lue…June '06
This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.
John Donne said: "No man is an island, entire of
itself…any man's death diminishes me,
because I am involved in mankind…"
I'm against the Death Penalty! So I propose each week, one
of us gets to go visit Zacaria's jell cell, and fling pork rinds on him!
I think we should call it: TUESDAYS with MOUSSAOUI!
The United States Treasury plans to open two additional
seems like spending in
has increased so much, Republicans just can't keep up with the daily
D.C. man, Dumpster diving, finds a copy of our President's
travel plans. That same man is now an anchor reporter for FOX NEWS Network!
President Bush entertains
President Hu with a State BRUNCH...followed a WILLIAM HUNG concert!
President writes an angry letter to
leader. But, the joke's on them, because our President CAN'T READ!
When Congress allowed a "doughnut HOLE"
in our medical coverage, they didn't plan for The President to ACT like one!
The Senate votes 63 to 26 to make English our national
language! They now must translate their bill into pig-headedness, so
everybody in The House of Representatives can understand it!
Technically, The Office of U.S. President is a guest worker
Vice President Dick Cheney offers to get his shotgun and GO
patrol the FREAKING border all by HISDAMNSELF!
On your TV this fall: SURVIVAL: "The OVAL OFFICE!"
Jeff Probst isolates the current presidential staff on a
tiny island, in hope they'll all start EATING each other!
U.S. Air Force General Michael Hayden is speedily
confirmed to be the next Ambassador to STUPIDVILLE! (CIA)
In The Treaty of
-Article 11, Thomas Jefferson insists:
"The Government of the
States of America
founded on the Christian religion…" Did our second President know something
today's religious right wing still don't know?
Pat Robertson and Jerry Falwell challenge Osama bin laden
and Mullah Omar to a Steelcage Deathmatch televised on TBN!
Enron's Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling will go straight to
jail! And after that they will go straight to Hell!
But, then that's a self-fulfilling prophecy!
In a bleak downtown alley, the entire
could save them!
(spit) Didja hear about the new NASCAR brand pork?
(spit) It's The OTHER OTHER White Meat! (cuss) (spit)
I guess Mission Impossible III...was getting ENOUGH
people to GO SEE IT!
I think The DaVinci Code goes too far when they
claim over and over that Jesus was hiding a bunch of WMD's!
Tom Arnold misses Time Magazine's 2005 list of The 100
Most Influential People in the World...by a record 347 places!
Scientists at UCLA have discovered a THIRD gender
on Earth...and have ironically decided to name it RYAN SEACREST!
Even though NBC's grand dame sit-com wasn't even
eligible, Will and Grace got sixteen Tony nominations!
Face it, when Rosie O'Donnell finally debuts on ABC's The
View, our potential for seeing a bitch slap will increase by 300 percent!
Pop diva Madonna, on her current tour, crucifies herself
onstage. She says she's just beating her critics to the punch!
Guns N' Roses guitarist
Axel Rose gets shoved around and roughed up by the fashion designer Tommy
Hilfinger! This is the fourth sign out of five that Rock n' Roll has actually
A new finding says marijuana can cause depression. But,
every one of the subjects in this bizarre clinical study were required to
smoke some REALLY SKANKY herb! (garbage in-garbage out)
Scientists say scents that get most women in the mood for
sex include vanilla, peppermint, jasmine, licorice, and newly minted money! (See
opens it's first ever brothel for WOMEN only! Confident of satisfying
it's customers, the brothel's name will be: " OLE! "
Researchers say incidents of oral sex between teenagers
have gone up...69 percent!
My pal invented The "Intelligent" Condom!
Oscar says if she's too ugly, hasn't shaved her legs, or smells bad, the condom
To tell you the truth, my girlfriend is not my
better half. It would be a heck of a lot more accurate to say she's my better
Poor Lue says:
losing its moral superiority may be the first sign our country isn't a teenager
John Donne also said: " ...So do not ask of me, for
whom the bell tolls, It tolls for thee!"
more in Cheers
I tried to ramp up for this list. Sadly, it wasn’t too much of a stretch. Most men might agree with me, but not out loud.
(Take time to smell the flowers, before we're drenched by May showers. Here's some ephemera from the stream of conciousness that will always represent our America. Keep your ears loose...Lue)
Has anyone had any green alien sex? William Shatner claims he hasn’t, even though we have all seen him on Star Trek doing that thing. My buddy George here claims the same, he says that it was nothing but a grown up dog. Well, when he told me that I secretly wished it would have been an alien, at least it would sound sexy not like throw-up-if-ya-want. I did, and explained it with something I had eaten the week before.
After revamping the look and feel of the magazine, it's time to take it to the next step. All aboard!
An Open Letter to Gov. Beefcake