More than just a recent trend, more than some abstract that applies
to certain cultures or religious traditions, monogamy, it seems, is on
the outs with the American people.
In recent years, studies
have shown that married couples are rejecting the notion of monogamy,
and an equal number of studies have shown the opposite. So what do you
believe? Married couples, listen closely: What do you WANT to believe
about your partner?
Conservative sources report homosexuality
is most compatible with promiscuity in committed relationships. I dont
want to ruffle any feathers, but these sources are wearing rose-colored
blinders. The desertion of monogamy is as apparent in gay couples as it
is in straight ones.
Homosexuals, it may well be, are used to
derision from the holier than thou crowd, so they carry on
relationships openly and unabashedly. Most Conservatives hide it a
whole lot better. Why not? They have the weight of the church
threatening to crush them if their misdeeds are revealed.
This
American Life, the NPR produced program originating out of Chicago, did
an episode dedicated to the topic of monogamy in mainstream America as
long ago as 1998. Their findings pointed out a significant news story
that was lost amid the Lewinsky scandal.
Roy Romer, governor of
Colorado and the Democratic Party chair, had carried on an affair for
nearly two decades with his familys full knowledge and cooperation.
The NPR program went on to profile several couples that had chosen open
relationships, and the psychological effects were outlined.
New
Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey was thrown out of the closet recently
amid blackmail threats from his Israeli lover. Friends of the family
claim that McGreeveys wife Dina Matos was wholly oblivious.
Many people choose to have affairs in secret, but just as many choose to do it loud and do it proud.
My great-grandfather, now ailing, recently spoke of a decades old
affair within the family. His nephew had impregnated a black woman.
More power to him, he laughed, even as news of his wife's cancer still echoed in his ears.
I dont know a married man today who hasnt flirted, grabbed, or winked sideways at me...
Take "Brad and Janet.
Brad is your average forty-something male, going through a mid-life crisis. He constantly paws at me.
Janet, on the other hand, has been a great friend of mine for years.
She wants to introduce me to her son's gym teacher because she says he
is too good to be single.
You like him, I chuckled.
Yeah, but dont tell Brad.
People look, I said.
Dont tell him. I dont want him to know, she insisted.
So is the state of the union really all HIS fault?
I would offer that casualness and emotional detachment are more common
in men than women. Men are readily able to sever sex from love. Women,
meanwhile, are getting the hang of it. My friend Stacy is a prime
example.
In her search for the ideal man, she snagged loser
after loser. Finally, Stacy settled into an easy rhythm (Its fun!) with
a friend of hers, a man who is chin-deep in a long-term relationship
with a female investment banker.
If monogamy is cast aside
for fun, then can a long-term affair yield any positive results, other
than the release of sexual tension? Is that really wrong? Why do so
many men complain about hum-drum sex, about boredom in the bedroom with
the woman they promised to cherish forever?
So many questions,
so few answers. Dr. Nigel Cummerbund, British sexpert, agreed to do an
interview with me for my column on MBC. I never had the courage to call
him back!
Fear or no fear, I do think lasting love is a
worthwhile goal. With most, but not all, of the precincts reporting in,
the state of the union is a positive one.
All relationships deepen with time and should be strong enough to withstand the universal tendency to stray.
Ladies, tie him up! (he may like that, anyway).
And always, ALWAYS, cast a sideways glance at the girl who lives down the street...
A
frequent contributor to online and print publications, Moore is best
known for her massive collection of Tom Snyder quotes. "You know the
two things I like best about Larry King? His face!" Visit her blog,
updated semi-weekly, where she rips on Visa, why the world is the way
it is, and other earth shattering topics.
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