Caller: "I'm
in a bit of an emergency here. I let my
gerbil crawl up my ass and it got stuck there.
Should I call a veterinarian or a proctologist?"

Dr. Wacko: "Well isnt that
special! I would say if your concerned
about your gerbil, call a vet. If you're
concerned about your asshole, call a Proctologis... continue reading

Dear Dr. Wacko:


When I walk my poodle and it takes a shit, there is
sometimes a hard-on which embarrasses me in public. What
should I do?

Man with Poodle



Dear Man with Poodle:

Take a water pistol with you and when he shits, squirt him in his dick so he wont get an erection.



Dear ... continue reading

Dr. Wacko: I am interviewing astronaut Albert EinFrommage, who
returned from a space voyage which approached the speed of light. I
understand that he actually traveled backwards in time for a moment as
he approached the speed of light. Captain EinFrommage, can you describe
what happened.Captain EinFrommage: Well, w... continue reading

Dear Dr. Wacko:

Dont you hate it when you are walking your dog and he shits and you
notice that you forgot your plastic bag so you have to put the shit in
your pocket?

Irv Humperdinck



Dear Mr. Humperdink:

Get a fucking life!

Sincerely,



Dr. Wacko... continue reading

Dear Dr. Wacko:

I have a question about dog etiquette.

I go out with my dog and I carry a clear plastic bag with chocolates
in them. That way, people see the bag and they thing I have already
picked up my dog's shit, so I can let him shit and I dont have to deal
with it.

Is this kosher? Is this OK?
... continue reading

Caller: Dr. Whacko, I was dating this Chinese girl and
we were in bed and she asked me to eat her. So I asked her if she had
any chopsticks. She looked at me like I was an idiot.Dr. Whacko: You are an idiot. You didnt need chopsticks. You just needed a little sweet and sour sauce.... continue reading

Dear Dr. Whacko:
When I am walking my dog and he stops to poop, sometimes there is an erection; you know, a hard-on.

Is this normal?



Dr. Whacko: Yes Jim, dogs sometimes get aroused and get hard-ons when they poop.



Jim: No, I meant that I get a hard-on when my dog poops.



(silence)... continue reading

Dear Dr. Whacko:



"Why do they call it a "blow job"? I mean she's not really BLOWING.

And why do we say "I ate her out"? I mean we don't really EAT anything.



Dr. Whacko: "You need to do less thinking and more fucking. Now go
get laid, or go whack off, and don't write me any more letters."... continue reading

I was asked to teach this extremely dim-witted fellow, Smuelovitch, to
use a condom properly. Smuelovitch was totally incompetent and his
caretakers didnt want him to have any children. He was recently
sexually active and needed to know how to use a rubber.I said
"after you get excited you put this rubber on your d... continue reading

Dear Dr. Whacko:I have trouble getting it up. So I've been
doing a lot of cunnilingus which my girlfriend is happy about but it
leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I don't mean literally. I'd
rather be screwing her. I tried a wood splint but it gave her
splinters. What would you recommend?Signed, FrustratedDr. ... continue reading

Dear Dr. Whacko: I don't know whether you are familiar with
the Kama Sutra, but my partner and I tried position #89. I injured my
spine and now have major chiropractic expenses. Do you think I should
sue Mr. Sutra?---Laid up after getting laid.Dear Laid Up: There is no Mr. Sutra to sue. We all engage in sex at ou... continue reading