Robert P. Herbst
I was born, March 16, 1935 in Manhattan, New York. I moved to Perry, Florida in 1984, after a bitter five yeal long divorce, with my two minor children and took up writing humor.
Author articles
Alligators as Pets
People have dogs, cats and birds, why not a 14 foot alligator?

Little consideration is given to keeping the Florida Alligator as a house pet. There are many pros and cons to be considered before you race to the nearest pet store and buy a fourteen foot alligator to keep you company.

You are going to need a bathtu... continue reading
Ice in Mount Perry, Florida?
Much to the horror of the residents of this fair town, the locals have awakened from their warm beds to find any water standing in containers outside their homes solidified.
This unusual phenomenon has been blamed on a weather anomaly called freezing. All residents are warned to stay inside until this anomaly passes ... continue reading
Kitty and the Vet
KITTY AND THE VET Written March 11, 2006 Fiction 1048 Words. Copyright © 2006 Robert P. Herbst. All rights reserved. By Robert P. Herbst The other day, as the gang and I sat about in the front of my shop sipping our morning coffee, Hair Ball, the second of my two cats, began making the most disgusting noises.
It look... continue reading
HOW TO IDENTIFY BLARNEY
Today, October 26, 2005, the entire scientific community was set aghast by the news, Yodar Hoopelhoffer, the Mount Perry town idiot, had invented the worlds first “Blarneyscope”. With the device, Yodar is rumored to be able to separate the Straight Poop from Pure Balderdash by merely shining light from his Blarneyscope... continue reading
PIRATES 2
Douglas (Spike) Sharp Robert P. Herbst After our first dismal failure at pirating, and thanks to Spikes ability to speak like Henry Kissinger, we were able to convince the Coastal Patrol it was all an innocent prank on our part. If they wanted to get someone with real evil intentions they should go out and get the Mr... continue reading
Bob From Tennessee
A furniture dealer, Bob from Tennessee, decided that he wanted to
expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to
Paris, France to see what he could find. After arriving in
Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), Bob met
with some manufacturers and finally selected a line tha... continue reading
Diabetes - The Other Way Of Seeing It
It was back in the early part of 1986 when I sat in my doctors office and listened to him tell me I had diabetes. It was a shock but I had known something was very wrong for some time. At any rate, the doctor went on at length to tell me all about what I was going to have to do if I wanted to go on living, and what I w... continue reading
Instant Watermellon
In recent years there have been great forward strides by the Mount Perry Scientific Community. One of the greatest of these strides has been in the agricultural field, with the long awaited announcement of the freeze dried watermelon. Doctor Eye Shrinkum, has taken a three foot long Charleston Grey Watermelon and freez... continue reading
Pillars Of Salt - More Fractured History
Only recently has the Mount Perry Archeological Society been able to translate the scrolls found hidden inside hundreds of clay jars, hidden deep in the dark recesses of caves found by sheep herders on the upper slopes of our beloved Mount Perry. These scrolls tell the tale of two cities located right here in Swamp Cou... continue reading
The Attack Snake
There are certain advantages to living alone in the town of Mount Perry, Florida. Not the least of which is the selection of a house pet. On a recent trip to the big city I visited a pet store and bought a snake. It was a neat little snake with pretty markings but it was hungry all the time. Of course, being a snake i... continue reading
In The Beginning
From the geographical study our world history we all know: In the beginning, our world consisted of one land mass known as Pangea. All the rest of the world was covered by water. Right in the very center of this land mass, like a pimple on an elephants back, was our beautiful snow capped mountain called Mount Perry. I... continue reading
FRACTURED FLORIDA HISTORY
Here in Florida we have a town called Kissimee. Kissimee is an Indian name and the story of how the name came about is at best, bizarre. When the first white men arrived here in Florida they moved inland until they met the native Indians. These Indians lived peacefully in the Swamps. On sight of their first white man ... continue reading
Mount Perry Zeppelin
In the ongoing effort to improve transportation between Mount Perry, Florida and Tallahassee, the state capitol, a consortium of investors have banded together to build a secret airship they hope will guarantee cheap and reliable transportation between the two towns. To this end the services of Mount Perry’s very own l... continue reading
MICE
I’m a Veteran, and for many years I’ve been having nightmares of things I’ve been through. I take hand fulls of pills every day to control the flashbacks and to sleep. I don’t really like to take pills and occasionally I do forget with no ill effects. Living alone doesn’t help in this regard. It only serves to make any... continue reading
DIESEL BEER ICE CREAM 2
Once having fulfilled my obligations in Tallahassee, I was about to go in search of another convenience store advertising Diesel Beer Ice Cream, my first effort having failed. This was indeed strange to have something so widely advertised yet so hard to find for sale. Diesel Beer Ice Cream must be a very popular flavor... continue reading
DIESEL BEER ICE CREAM
In the years since moving to Mount Perry, Florida, I have driven many hundreds of miles both with my little family and alone. Now, as a well traveled person, I consider myself reasonably familiar with the various snack foods available along the roadside. Among these various culinary delights is the ever present Diesel ... continue reading
BACON
It seems the further North you go the better the bacon tastes. I don't know why, but it does. I had a friend down in St. Croix, in the U. S. Virgin Islands, who complained bitterly about not being able to buy decent bacon. After listening to his grousing for several months, I finally bought five pounds of the best nort... continue reading
A New Sporting Extravaganza
Once again it’s time for the annual Mount Perry Rhinoceros Rodeo. The entire town is aglitter with preparations for this gala event. Our intrepid big game hunter, Mr. I. Katchum has E-Mailed us from deep in darkest Africa about his efforts to find stock for this years event. His E-mail informs us he has about sixty hea... continue reading
New Mode Of Transportation
In the ongoing effort to improve transportation between Mount Perry, Florida and Tallahassee, the state capitol, a consortium of investors have banded together to build a secret airship they hope will guarantee cheap and reliable transportation between the two towns. To this end the services of Mount Perry’s very own l... continue reading
A Stranger In Town: People From Outer Space Arrive
It was only a few days ago when Yodar Hoopelhoffer, the
Mount Perry town idiot, ambled down North Jefferson Street in the
company of a A Space Ship
Over Mount
PerryA Space Ship Over Mount Perry small hairy, bipedal,
creature. It was unlike anything anyone in this town had ever seen
before, except, possibly for ... continue reading
The Pointlessness of War
It was in 1984 when I first moved to Mount Perry, Florida with my
two minor children. I was retired and had little to do. I stayed home
most of the time and took care of the house. It didn’t take me very
long to realize that if I picked up a green willow stick and waved it
at my children in a threatening manner whi... continue reading
The Mount Perry Peanut Tree
It's a hot day here in the middle of Mount Perry, Florida. But I am content sitting here in the shade of a Mount Perry Peanut Tree, looking up at the cool, snow covered peak of our beloved Mount Perry. It's interesting to note that the Mount Perry Peanut Tree originated right here in Mount Perry, Florida. Frankly, it w... continue reading
I JUST HATE SPIDERS
In order for one to appreciate my dilemma, one must first understand that I hate spiders. Not just some spiders, but all spiders. I think somehow the spiders hate me back. They seem to always be there when I least expect them and they always get in at least one good bite before I dispatch them. Because of this, I dispa... continue reading
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