Judge: Mr. Renfart, I mean Renart, do you understand the charge agin you?
Renart: Who the fuck are you?
Judge: I'm the judge you dumb fuck!
Renart: That probably explains the robe and the coin that you are flipping.
Judge: Madam, I mean Sir.....the charge against you is bestiality with road kill. How do you plead?
Renart: To what?
Judge: To Bestiality with road kill. Are you an idiot savante without the savant?
Renart: I swear that I did not penetrate the road kill.....and if I did, it was only two inches!
Judge: How do you know it was two inches?
Renart: Cause that's all me gots.
Your cunt-ness? I mean your honor?
Judge: Yes?
Renart: Your Honor?
Judge: Yes?
Renart: Your Honor?
Judge: Is there an echo in here?
Renart: Your fuck-face-ness.....I mean your Honor?
Judge: If you repeat it again ....I'll have you handcuffed by the baliff.
Renart: Can I choose the baliff with the tight jeans?
Judge: How do jew plead to the bestiality with road kill charge?
Renart: I did not assault the road kill.........well.....except for my dick.
Judge: And would the road kill recognize your dick.......I mean your member
Renart: Your Honor, I am not a member.....I never joined.
And how could the road kill recognize me dick........the road kill be dead your Dumbfuckedness........I mean your Honor!
Judge: (losing patience) So you admit that you did penetrate the road kill with your pecker.....I mean penis?
Renart: Your Holiness.....I can not tell a lay.....I mean lie. I fucked the fucking road kill....but I plead extenuated dick.......I mean extenuating cirCUMstances.
Judge: And what, I pray tell.....were the extended cirCUMstances?
Renart: I doesn't know....but I plead an Alfred.
Judge: Do you mean an Alford?
Renart: I don't give a shit........as long as it gets me off.....and I already told you how long the assault was........two inches.
Judge: And was the road kill male or female?
Renart: What's it to jew.....I mean you?
Judge: Homosexual bestiality with road kill carries a sentence of 15 years.
Heterosexuality with road kills is cuntsidered more normal and carries a sentence of only 10 years.
Renart: For the 5 years less, I'll fuck the female gopher.
Judge: It was a gopher? My records indicate it was a porcupine.
Renart: Do I look like an idiot to you? Who the fuck would try to screw a porcupine?
Judge: So it was a gopher?
Renart: Yea....and it was female.....I am not gay your Honor. Fucking a male dead gopher is just plain SICK! I fucked a female dead gopher---I am not queer or weird.
Judge: Let's let the jury determine that.
Renart: I don't see no jury.
Judge: Oh....that's right.......I have to decide this sick case myself.
Renart: Your Honor.....I read in the Washington Pissed, I mean Post, that in West Virginie, 15 road kill sheep were fucked.
Judge: I have never even been to West VIrginia.!!!
Renart: Can you prove that?
Judge: Hey YOU are trial there. OK so I was in West VIrginia, but it was well before those sheep was raped. Do you have any photos I can take home....I mean into custody.?
Renart: Only a video of me fucking the gopher----and it was female.!
Judge: and why is your member sticking out of your pants with a gauze bandage wrapped around your dick........I mean member?
Renart: Your dicklessness....when I pulled it out of the dead MALE gopher and put it into his mouth and I stroked its head........in involuntarily chomped down on my pecker.
Judge: Do you have a photo to corroborate that?
Renart: No you dumb shit.....Could YOU take a photo of a dead gopher when it is chomping down on your shlong?
Judge: Yes.....and I have......but with a dead possum. Strike what I just said from the record.!!
Then the 15 PETA observers in the courtroom get up and attack the judge and Renart for their crimes against animules.
Renart hides under the judge's robe.
Renart considers "doing" the judge......but he decides he is not gay so he runs to the female State's Attorney and hides under her skirt.
The buxom State's Attorney, showing her full-figure-ness, rack and pinion....I mean rack and cleavage...... enjoys Renart's undercover "work" tremendously then follows Renart home.
FIN
Horovitch receives a Pulizer Prize for this story.....but does not attend the ceremony because he prefers to be at a family reunion in West VIrginia where he "knows" a lot of his cousin's sheep .
The cousins sheep that he "knows" are mostly female because as he says "I am not weird." :)
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