Your profile
Your profile
Share the story at Stumbleupon
Subscribe to our weekly Bonk Mail
Who is online now?





Renart cops a "nolo contendre" plea on a charge of bestiality with road kill (mostly female)

Judge: Mr. Renfart, I mean Renart, do you understand the charge agin you?
Renart: Who the fuck are you?
Judge: I'm the judge you dumb fuck!
Renart: That probably explains the robe and the coin that you are flipping.
Judge: Madam, I mean Sir.....the charge against you is bestiality with road kill. How do you plead?
Renart: To what?
Judge: To Bestiality with road kill. Are you an idiot savante without the savant?
Renart: I swear that I did not penetrate the road kill.....and if I did, it was only two inches!
Judge: How do you know it was two inches?
Renart: Cause that's all me gots.

Your cunt-ness? I mean your honor?
Judge: Yes?
Renart: Your Honor?
Judge: Yes?
Renart: Your Honor?
Judge: Is there an echo in here?
Renart: Your fuck-face-ness.....I mean your Honor?
Judge: If you repeat it again ....I'll have you handcuffed by the baliff.
Renart: Can I choose the baliff with the tight jeans?
Judge: How do jew plead to the bestiality with road kill charge?
Renart: I did not assault the road kill.........well.....except for my dick.
Judge: And would the road kill recognize your dick.......I mean your member
Renart: Your Honor, I am not a member.....I never joined.

And how could the road kill recognize me dick........the road kill be dead your Dumbfuckedness........I mean your Honor!
Judge: (losing patience) So you admit that you did penetrate the road kill with your pecker.....I mean penis?
Renart: Your Holiness.....I can not tell a lay.....I mean lie. I fucked the fucking road kill....but I plead extenuated dick.......I mean extenuating cirCUMstances.
Judge: And what, I pray tell.....were the extended cirCUMstances?
Renart: I doesn't know....but I plead an Alfred.
Judge: Do you mean an Alford?
Renart: I don't give a shit........as long as it gets me off.....and I already told you how long the assault was........two inches.
Judge: And was the road kill male or female?
Renart: What's it to jew.....I mean you?
Judge: Homosexual bestiality with road kill carries a sentence of 15 years.

Heterosexuality with road kills is cuntsidered more normal and carries a sentence of only 10 years.
Renart: For the 5 years less, I'll fuck the female gopher.
Judge: It was a gopher? My records indicate it was a porcupine.
Renart: Do I look like an idiot to you? Who the fuck would try to screw a porcupine?
Judge: So it was a gopher?
Renart: Yea....and it was female.....I am not gay your Honor. Fucking a male dead gopher is just plain SICK! I fucked a female dead gopher---I am not queer or weird.
Judge: Let's let the jury determine that.
Renart: I don't see no jury.
Judge: Oh....that's right.......I have to decide this sick case myself.
Renart: Your Honor.....I read in the Washington Pissed, I mean Post, that in West Virginie, 15 road kill sheep were fucked.
Judge: I have never even been to West VIrginia.!!!
Renart: Can you prove that?
Judge: Hey YOU are trial there. OK so I was in West VIrginia, but it was well before those sheep was raped. Do you have any photos I can take home....I mean into custody.?
Renart: Only a video of me fucking the gopher----and it was female.!
Judge: and why is your member sticking out of your pants with a gauze bandage wrapped around your dick........I mean member?
Renart: Your dicklessness....when I pulled it out of the dead MALE gopher and put it into his mouth and I stroked its head........in involuntarily chomped down on my pecker.
Judge: Do you have a photo to corroborate that?
Renart: No you dumb shit.....Could YOU take a photo of a dead gopher when it is chomping down on your shlong?
Judge: Yes.....and I have......but with a dead possum. Strike what I just said from the record.!!

Then the 15 PETA observers in the courtroom get up and attack the judge and Renart for their crimes against animules.

Renart hides under the judge's robe.
Renart considers "doing" the judge......but he decides he is not gay so he runs to the female State's Attorney and hides under her skirt.
The buxom State's Attorney, showing her full-figure-ness, rack and pinion....I mean rack and cleavage...... enjoys Renart's undercover "work" tremendously then follows Renart home.

FIN



Horovitch receives a Pulizer Prize for this story.....but does not attend the ceremony because he prefers to be at a family reunion in West VIrginia where he "knows" a lot of his cousin's sheep .

The cousins sheep that he "knows" are mostly female because as he says "I am not weird." :)




Share this article



Tags:



Politics

Saving the Tigers from extinction

It was a hurriedly organized citizen’s meeting at Guwahati Press Club, where serious concerns were expressed at the increasing trend of poaching and killing of wildlife in various parts of Assam.

more
Factzone: The truth about Kim Jong Il
20.Dec 2011
Kim Jong Il, the leader of the free world, has decided to move on to more ferti...read

Top 5 Conspiracy Theories Related to John F. Kennedy's Assassination
26.Aug 2011
Since just after the assassination of John F. Kennedy, conspiracy theories abou...read

ISRAEL KEEPING GHADDAFI AFLOAT
10.Mar 2011
...read

Glen Beck Is NOT the Anti-Christ!
10.Mar 2011
Hurtful and fiery rhetoric is now media’s default setting! This slippery and m...read

Opinion

The EIP factor - what you should learn from it

When we grow older, or get older for the sake of the argument, we tend to start seeing the world only from one side. We tend to believe, no, not believe but know, how things are done. If you are smart, you understand that it shouldn't be that way, you understand this is wrong.

more
The fight against cyber-censorship
26.Apr 2012
The fight against cybercensorship is more essential than ever. By creating blog...read

ET TU, ELAD? or ISRAELIS THINK NETANYAHU IS ON THEIR SIDE
27.Feb 2012
Elad Pressman, to my mind, is Israel's leading deep investigative journalist. T...read

World governments charged with criminal negligence (in response to Megaupload case)
22.Jan 2012
EARTH (thecheers.org) - Federal authorities of the universe have charged the go...read

The Great OSCARS 2011 – or so it would seem
5.Mar 2011
So, how exciting......a morning off, the Academy Awards. I wish I could say the...read

Travel

Teens think life's a box of chocolate, Birdgestone begs to differ
26.Apr 2012
Well, not exactly, but Bridgestone has brought some additional attention to a t...read

more
Travel Warning 13 September 2010 - DO NOT TRAVEL TO IRAN
13.Sep 2010
TRAVELWISE has been watching the situation in Iran for some months in relation ...read

TRAVELWISE TRAVEL ADVISORY 5th June 2010. DO NOT TRAVEL TO ISRAEL.
5.Jun 2010
Given the recent incident whereby the Israeli intelligence agency, Mossad, used...read

TRAVELWISE. 16 APRIL 2010. EUROPEAN TRAVEL ALTERNATIVES
16.Apr 2010
Travelwise issues the following advice in relation to cancelled flights to, fro...read

TRAVELWISE 6 APRIL 2010. AUSTRALIAN AIR TRAVEL. THE BEST WAYS TO TRAVEL BY AIR IN AUSTRALIA.
5.Apr 2010
Regular readers might have seen and read the various advisory and no-fly notice...read



No Payoff From the Playoffs

$16.50 will Get Anyone in the Hall Mr McGwire

Stupid Athlete Tricks




Pack 'n Go Publishing

Taxi Of Tomorrow: New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg goes with Nissan

Think Big! Think the World's Largest International Trade Show


Cheers






USA says on 2012-03-20 17:38:15 about XYGkZZaUGpjdj
Wow, great blog post.










USA says on 2012-03-09 03:32:07 about JvJHtYBkFN
EUImNY Great blog.Really thank you! Fantastic.










USA says on 2012-02-12 11:25:40 about WDEvvCLLOPiZg
VhvN8j Honestly, not bad news!...









Post Comment

 
 Your nickname
 
 About what
 
 Your comment
 
Are you human? How much is 1 + 2?
 





Steve Harvith





When art becomes genderless
Whether we want to admit it or not, even now, in year 2012, there are still big gender biases in some fields of life. While it's generally understandable that men should do more heavy lifting than women and knitting fits a bit better for the women (even though I am aware even here there are many people who want to disagree), art is one of those things where our gender really should not play any significant role at all. And within the past decade things have started to change even on this front and even on the more conservative arenas such as Bukowskis - the top Nordic auction house.




FTD New Bonus Offer

Everything is made in China
Genre: Acoustic
indietronica band from Moscow...

Ngoma Africa Band
Genre: Acoustic
THE NGOMA AFRICA BAND The Golden Voice of East Africa...

Body For Soul
Genre: Rock
Body For Soul was formed in Brooklyn NY .Body For Soul is Jo...

Argonaut
Genre: Alternative
The band are led by Core Members, Lorna (Vocals & Synths) an...

The Kut
Genre: Alternative
As three female musicians on the London circuit, questions l...

The Exits
Genre: Electronic
Genre: Electro / Indie / Rock Location Portsmouth, South, U...

Trip Effect
Genre: Rock
A power trio that mashes up alternative/indie/rock with warm...

Jim Scordilis
Genre: Rock
jimscordilis@gmail.com http://www.facebook.com/jimscordil...

Valadis Gaoutsis
Genre: Rock
Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Valantis-G...

Steelianos
Genre: Rock
MYSPACE PROFILE: http://www.myspace.com/steelianos O...

Martian Sun
Genre: Rock
Music for the crazy movie playing in your head....















The Cheers magazine: About us | Contact us | The Cheers Story | Advertising
Work with The Cheers: Writers guide | Write for us | Writer application | Reporter application 
The Cheers:Terms and conditions | Privacy policy | Sponsoring | Sitemap
Sister sites: Tech Blog |  Best Auto Zine | Best poker affiliates | Travel destinations by weather | Cerveza | Okai - critical commentary | Get Beautiful! | Stock trading game | Wifi hotspots and wireless laptops | The Daily Bonk | Best Poker Zine | Business thoughts | Political commentary | Most expensive things | Top lists | Free Spanish Courses | World News in ShortTop 10 lists 
Listen: Online radio station | Unsigned musicians | Music reviews | Listen to unknown bands
Travel World: World travel locations | Morocco Agadir travel
Travel: Travel blogs | Travel destinations | Hotel reviews | Beer around the world
Watch: Watch movies online | Watch free tv online | Watch heroes online
Trade: The Stock game | Trading competitions | Trading education
Learn: Business videos online | Business networking | Business strategies | Business ideas
Copyright © 2004-2011 The Cheers magazine / Renart cops a "nolo contendre" plea on a charge of bestiality with road kill (mostly female) &