Highly opinionated, witty and outrageously sarcastic, Kenneth Barnes provides more than just social commentary. He's the guy who says a lot of what you're thinking but won't because you were brought up better.

I have a lot of
hobbies, though none I’m actually good enough at to do in front of that
many people. I surf early in the morning before the bikini-clad honeys
show up and laugh at my lack of grace in the water. I lift weights
three times a week, but only when the gym is empty and no one can see
me struggle to benc... continue reading

I wouldn’t classify
myself a gambling man. Sure, I’ve placed a good-natured bet with
friends before, but to me those don’t count. Wagering just how badly
Paris Hilton’s debut reggae CD is going to suck isn’t exactly a game of
chance, is it? I mean, everyone can pretty much put money down for some
high level of exp... continue reading

What I’m about to say
may be the written equivalent of taking a bazooka and pointing it
directly at my own feet, but what the hell. You can’t live life with
the middle of the fence planted firmly up your butt.



During my weekly tour
of the Internet for rant-worthy news, I hit on the Associated Press
article... continue reading

By now, it should be obvious that I take my job as an opinionated jerk very seriously. For the past few weeks, the editors at The Cheers
have given me ample space to partake in what my father calls “a little
R and R” (Ranting and Raving). I am eternally grateful. Whether you
know it or not – whether anyone really ca... continue reading

The first Tuesday of
the month would have been a perfect day for the world to come to an
abrupt end. I wouldn’t have complained one bit either. At least where I
live the weather was great for outside activities like watching the sky
open up to a fantastic fire and brimstone display, compliments of God.



Yes,... continue reading

Not one of my friends or family members watched the Preakness Stakes
horse race on television last month. We’re not a horse racing kind of
people. Each of us has his or her own private reasons, but we all
firmly believe watching little men perched atop several hundred pounds
of animal requires a person to possess a... continue reading

I’m
32 and still sleep with the lights on. This is a big problem. It’s
wrecked any chances of my being as smoothly seductive as James Bond or
as ruggedly attractive and manly as John Wayne. I’m sure no one since
Thomas Edison has collected this much debt over light bulbs either. And
as if that weren’t enough, ... continue reading