This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.

 (Women have waited long enough!)


I don't want your vote.  I don't want your money. I want your attention for about four minutes. Four minutes of your time, and then you can change the world.  How about it?  Is it a deal?   Only brave souls should read on from here.  If this mutual contract is too frightening, then just call yourself a Nancy-boy, (because I will) and go watch some boob-tube!


You wouldn't believe what we make women swallow in America!


Over 56% of the world's population are women, so I believe one of them should be the next leader of the free world!  Are ya still with me?  We can change the whole world in one fell swoop!  One woman is on the verge of answering zillions and zillions of feminine prayers.  Maybe it's time you got on board this fantastically speeding train.  Imagine the changes.


History provides several pertinent examples: England's Queen Victoria was the start.  Margret Thatcher also gave us a contemporary milepost.  Then Queen Isabella, Queen Beatrice, and Queen Latifah all helped to set the stage. What are we waiting for?  I believe it's time for a woman to be President of The United States!   But, some voters may not be ready yet. (Insecure, they are!  I tell ya...the reluctant ones are insecure!)


If America can advance the empowerment of women this one step, it would re-vitalize the entire planet!  The remaining countries of the world will see, and eventually follow our example. I believe a woman in power in The Oval Office would trigger a worldwide social and economic step forward.  This forward step would be more explosive than the Hiroshima and Nagasaki blasts combined. Just what are we scared of?


By the way, next I'm going to want to have an African-American as President! They, and women, have suffered enough.  Wouldn't you say?  I figure America is ready for a big change. Electing a woman, or an African-American to the highest office in the land would get us a lot of changes.  Don'tcha think?  Or, are you not ready for a change?  C'mon, the last sixty years have taught us that change is good! Change is exciting!  And ultimately, change is inevitable!  Get used to it!  Only wimps and wussies don't want change!  Rub some dirt on it damnit, and walk it off!


I see a day... a wonderful day...when, for the first time, The President of The United States has an itch.  She doesn't invade somewhere, she doesn't steal someone's oil, when she has an itch, she casually reaches back and snaps her bra.  That's my dream.


I ask you to envision the enormous social changes, if a woman was our President. First off, wife-beating would become a death penalty offense.  Second, that sexual harrassment game would include castration. Third, every twenty-eight days, the rest of the world calm down, grow quiet, and only talk about sending chocolate to America...all this, out of silent repect. America hasn't had that kinda thing for a while.


I ask you to envision the huge economic changes if a woman was boss. First, the cosmetic industry will own their own continent.  Second, anorexia, and bulimia will become Olympic sports.  And third, secretaries, teachers, and prostitutes will have to be paid $100,000 per anum.  Think of the cash possibilities! America hasn't had that since Windows 96!


Lastly, it's always been said that anyone could grow up in America, and become President. To God up in Heaven: I hope that's still true!


How many chances do you get... to change the world?  And, down deep inside, you really know that this is going to happen sometime.  Think about it, you Nancy-boys!


Relax...and enjoy what's inevitable.  Then go out, and do what's right!  Vote!