I SHOULDA SHOT PAULY SHORE!

(It might have saved The Comedy Store! Normally, I do not advocate any kind of violence...but this little Weasel is a special case.)

 

It all started when Elvis Presley's opening act, Sammy Shore, and his bride Mitzi opened our planet's first ALL comedy nightclub in Los Angeles, California!  The Comedy Store on Sunset Blvd. was born in April, 1972! Sammy and Mitzi also had three kids, maybe you've heard of one of them.

 

In May, 1972, (just one month later) Johnny Carson moved his Tonight Show into the now famous Burbank studios. An ironic twist of fate that, as now the gathering wave of new standups were just about to crash massively and loudly on Hollywood's strange shores. (Pardon the pun, I couldn't help it!)

 

The Lettermans, Lenos, Brenners, Gallaghers, Gabe Kaplans, and Robert Klein's all washed into the showcase scene, and with no hoopla, I followed them onto their beachhead. (At that point, nobody had told me that I wasn't funny, yet. Not even Mitzi.)

 

Soon, the luring call of gigs on the road summoned Sammy, and after the divorce, Mitzi got the kids, the house on the 2nd tier of The Hollywood hills, and finally: sole control of the soon to be World Famous Comedy Store on Sunset Boulevard. I started working for her around then. It was like getting a full boat scholarship to Comedy College! I was now one of "Mitzi's boys"!

 

After expanding the Store in 1976, Mitzi opened the world's first whole week comedy club, featuring an opening act whom acted as MC, a middle act (soon to be headliner) then capping it with the best "nobody" comics in the biz! (They weren't nobodys long!)  La Jolla was a ritzy beach suburb of San Diego, and The Comedy Store South would soon debut the next incredible set of funny people, preparing for Las Vegas and TV stardom.  The Robin Williamses, the Howie Mandels, the Jimmy Walkers (Dyno-mite) and the Steve Landesburgs (Detective Dietriech on Barney Miller), they all developed under The Store's and Mitzi's protective shield. They were the talented ones.

 

Then, Mitzi opened her Westwood club, so her guys could work out the kinks and add a little class, as far away as possible from the TV scouts.  I started there, unheralded, as her assistant, doorman, and go-getter.  On my first mission as driver, I had to pick up her kids from elementary school.  That's when Pauly Shore first entered my life.  I could've shot him then. But, what did I know? Nothing!

 

I used to tell two jokes about the heir apparent at The Comedy Store:

 

1) I used to say when I got back to L.A. after ten years on tour: Nobody knows me in     Hollywood anymore!  I'm going to shoot Pauly Shore! And when I get out of prison...    everybody will like me, and then give me lots of work!

 

2) Remember those Heaven's Gate cultists in San Diego, who committed mass suicide     right before the comet showed up? The cultists dressed in Nike running outfits with     new sneakers, castrated themselves, and committed suicide! When the Police showed     up, they knew something was very, very wrong....because there was a Pauly Shore     movie playing on the VCR!

 

As the years passed working in my chosen profession, I performed for pay in almost every state, and 34 other countries.  Pauly Shore starred in "Son-in-Law", "In The Army Now" ,"Bio-Dome" and the unbelievably successful "Encino Man."  I went on to do 1000 cities in 10 years, Pauly did his own show on TBS!  I was nominated for a Peabody Award for my Internet radio show. Pauley has now inherited The Comedy Store brand.  Where did I go wrong?  I could have done things differently. I could've!  I shoulda shot Pauly long ago. But, it's too late now.

 

Now, since the Queen of Standup Comedy, Mitzi Shore, has grown very ill, the day to day operations depend on a character named The Weasel! What has the world of standup come to?  Well, that's life.  My whole point is that even though Pauly has portrayed some less than likable parts on TV, and in the movies, his biggest challenge ever will be to play the leader of the funniest place on Earth.

 

Since Mitzi got sick, The Comedy Store has begun to fade a bit.  Many comics who called her club home then, now look back and wish her and Pauly well!  Not that we're coming back. Most aren't. I feel about The Comedy Store, the same way a combat-hardened Marine feels about enduring boot camp at Parris Island: " Whew!!...Thanks for the lessons!...Semper Funny! " 

 

Like all Mitzi's graduates, I still care! Call, if you need help.

 

And good luck Pauly! I hope nobody shoots you.