This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.

(Dialogue is important now.....but with this schmuck??)


The scruffy President of Iran arrived Sunday to visit The Big Apple and speak at Columbia University Monday and The United Nations on Tuesday. Then he better get out of town fast.


There will be no visit to Ground Zero!  Repeat NO visit!


As a recognized material sponsor of terrorism and a charter member of the Axis of Evil, only diplomatic immunity from The UN allows Tehran's Stalin to grandstand here in America. (Note to Moody: Wanna have lunch with Tony Soprano?)


Historical precedent reminds us Fidel Castro, Nikita Kruschev, Yassir Arafat, and Nicole Kidman have all spoken at The UN.  (In case you don't know what an open society looks like...just look around town, you bigoted runt!)


Last week, Mahmoud Ahmadiejad gave a speech inciting " Death to America " during his fake May Day-like military parade.  He had three whole jets.  He has called for, in the last year alone, nukes, the destruction Israel, and for our President to convert to Islam.  Maybe we can offer him a chance to convert from his Islam to our capitalism.  He's also here to promote his new book: "I'm Osama's Bitch!"


Some luminaries ask if there should be limits on whom colleges and universities invite to speak.  I say of course not!  In particular, should Ahmadinejad be allowed to speak at Columbia University?  Of course he should! It's always better to know more about your next enemy, than less. Besides, if jerks and A-holes aren't allowed to speak, no politician anywhere could get re-elected. (In America, or anywhere else!)


By the way, if Columbia wants a robust debate, try impeachment, universal health care, or equal pay for equal work for women!  Now, those would be robust.


Welcome to America, just 48 hours after Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement. You gotta admit this 4 foot, six inch Iranian has a lot of chutzpah! (Get a shave, you Nazi bitch!) Mayor Bloomberg has offered Mahmoud a free Nathan's hot dog. (Shoved where the sun don't shine!)


I say the real reason for Moody's visit is to see if he can sleep with Britney Spears, or Madonna! Friggin' tourist! (Welcome to New York...I got your Khomeini...RIGHT HERE!)   


Maybe we can get him a date with Rosie O'Donnel! Notables have asked to be on the dais and join the robust debate: Jon Stewart, Joe Lieberman, and Kinky Friedman! But, when informed of all the metal detectors and weapons searches, they backed out! 


Alan Dershowitz, of ACLU fame, has offered to defend any New Yorker who manages to plant a boot in Mahmoud's skinny butt, before Judge Judy!


I say let Ahmadinejad speak at Columbia.  But, first lock him in a room with Woody Allen, Ellie Wiesle, and Al Sharpton for thirty minutes! Make him ride from Columbia to The UN in the Oscar-Mayer Weinermobile! (100% pork!) Offer him a polonium milkshake with pimple cream!


Remember this guy denies there was ever a Holocaust!  Let the Garment District Militia ask President Ahmadinejad if he wants what's behind Door #1, Door #2, or what's inside these forty B-52's! 


Iran has 73% un-employment, and uses opium traffic to enrich the elite! And yet, he speaks for his country.  Remember:  When E.F. Hutton and Hitler speak.... people listen! 


When Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wants to show off in The USA, I think he's compensating for a tiny prick...and then he becomes one!  But, that's just one red-shoed opinion!


The President of Iraq advocates executing homosexuals, jailing political prisoners, and has sent munitions and combatants to kill American troops in Iraq.  But, aside from that, I hear he's not such a bad guy.


Bottom line...I love our free speech in America, and this invitation certainly proves it. Welcome to the show that never ends!  Come one, come all!


Peace be upon you!