This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.
(And Take Your Little Dog, Alberto...With You!)
How far up the bush do you have to prune to find the rotten parts?
President Bush's listing ship of state is losing supposedly loyal staff faster than the UN's Food for Oil program. With Alberto Gonzales resigning as
Karl Rove is leaving public service. Yaaaaaaay! Remember the song from the movie: Wizard Of OZ ? Remember when the witch was doused with a bucket of water? And the witch just melted into a puddle of goo? So, sing with me now:
THE ROVE IS GONE!
THE WICKED ROVE IS GONE!
THE WICKED ROVE IS GONNNE!
(That's all I want to say about Karl...because I don't want him to hurt me!)
On Monday, August 27, 2002, amidst the metaphoric blare of The Marine Corps Marching Band playing "Pomp and Circumcision!" Alberto Gonzales resigned as The United States Attorney General! Yaaaaaaay!
Are these seemingly unconnected events related? Innocent happenstance, or does this sound too well timed and rehearsed? Was this a controlled release of ballast, or was it just some rats leaving a sinking yacht? Only time will tell.
Oh, how the mighty have fallen! It makes me wax phyllis-ophic:... If a patsy falls on his sword, deep in the forest, will enough citizens hear it? Only if it's a really big sword! And believe me, Alberto and Karl have very small and short swords! (Oops…Sorry again Mr. Rove...that one just must've slipped out!)
Let's be fair, many, many, many district attorneys have been fired for political purposes. But, hey Alberto...one is not supposed to take notes about it, or lie to Congress! Who do you think you are? John Dean? "There's a tumor on the Oval Office...and it's me!"
Margaret Talev of McClatchy News says: " The Justice Department is reeling! " So are most Democrats, including the presidential candidates...but probably for their own particular reasons.
In times where more Iraqis have returned home than former residents of New Orleans, reasonable folks can hope that America's checks and balances will restore some small vestige of sanity to our government.
With a world's record for Attorney Generals saying, " I can't recall! " at three zillion times, Alberto has achieved his infamy. And so, with a hearty "You're doin' a great job, Brownie...ah..Alberto!" General Gonzales, like General Santa Ana before him, slinks back to Texas! Hey don't let the "Scales of Justice" hit you in the butt on the way out, buddy! Al's plans are to work in the private sector, because his family, in fear of some impending torture, doesn't want to spend more time with him. Mr. Gonzales will work full-time for an international firm, a semi-shady legal corporation named "MOOKS R US!" based in LaGrange, Texas. Best Little Lobbyist in Texas! (See the Z Z Top song!)
The last Attorney General to go to jail was Nixon's John Mitchell. Replacements might be Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff and Solicitor General Paul Clement...or Judge Judy! Good Luck fellas! Get Ed Gillespie's cell number on speed dial!
This, as Congressmen Duke Cunningham and Mark Foley, then Senator Larry Craig disgraced themselves, and ALL Republicans, and now faces jail. I tell you now, there is a Dreyfuss-like cloud hanging over that 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue place! Enough! I say: J'ACCUSE!!
From her office in Cerritos, California Congresswoman Linda Sanchez of the 39th District opined in her role as Judiciary Sub-committee Chair: "George Bush's problems will not be solved by any resignations!"
Unless, it's his!
Hey, they let Richard Nixon go quietly, didn't they? Let's make a book deal!
How many cronies and aides, and appointees have to be sent to prison to qualify as corrupt? Consider these two resignations as a shot across the bow!
Good people work to make America better, I want to be one of them.
America is my home. And we all know:
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!!
I'm Lue Deck
The Comic In Red Shoes,
and I approved this message!
Ding dong, the witch is dead, the wicked witch is dead!