This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.
When you're talking about God, it can be a difficult concept to grasp.
about it. Whether it's my God…or your God…or someone else's God,
whichever you want to picture, it's gotta be TOUGH TO BE GOD!
All right, for a moment, picture yourself as God! (For Martha
Stewart, Ryan Seacrest, and Donald Rumsfeld: this suggestion may be
Again, picture yourself AS God:
listen to all those souls constantly calling for help. And all those
holidays keep coming and coming…your voicemail is always chock full….
And always, always having to do the right thing…Is Armageddon this
millennium, or the next one…The Devil's relentless shenanigans…knocks
at the bedroom door, just as you were finally falling asleep, at
last…flood here, drought there…heal this one, save that one, do nothing
for that one! Gee, that's a LOT OF PRESSURE building upon you!
what does God do to have fun and relax? Since Albert Einstein made his
famous crack, God can't even slip into Las Vegas and play dice anymore!
(You see, not everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.)
It's my belief God visits Earth to work on His own stand-up comedy act.
Of course, God headlines for St. Peter's Comedy Club at The Pearly Gates.
His home stage, but it's real tough to get a good read on material
there. So, to test His newest stuff, God descends to Earth, and works
as the feature (middle) act, or, Himself forbid, also as a Master of
God knows the modern format for a three act
stand-up show is: MC/ Opening Act doing fifteen minutes, the Middle Act
performs for thirty minutes, and the Headliner stays on fifty to
fifty-five minutes. He knows this, God and Mitzi Shore first invented
said format for The Comedy Store in LaJolla. God never goes over his
time; besides, if God wanted to, He could do an hour, and make it seem
like thirty minutes to the audience. After all, He is the omniscient
God can get stage time ALMOST anywhere he wants. (But, in L.A. The
Factory, and Improv still operate on the old "It's WHO you KNOW"
system, and these days, they don't really seem know Him anymore.)
instead, prefers the independent clubs with sole proprietors. The
stinkin' one-nighter chains like The Comedy Zones, well; He wouldn't be
caught dead in those sink holes. For His stand-up workouts, God AVOIDS
both coasts, concentrating on The Mid-West and The South. Never in
Miami for some reason. (Mostly because He knows that's where the really
big laughs are.)
God usually appears amongst us as characters
that are just talented enough to make us laugh, but other than that,
not quite striking enough to be distinctly memorable. You laughed last
night, but right now, you can't picture the face, That's the beauty of
His plans! But, His guys do still sell T-shirts. Go figure.
a well-known fact that God always does a whole lot of observational
stuff. He rarely resorts to the old "Where're you from" bit…Jimmy
Brogan is still King of " playing the crowd." ANYWHO, God knows where
You would think more people would recall God's act,
because He usually does so well. I think God frequently does rap
parodies, because He knows if He does rap parodies, Nobody, Anywhere,
will ever remember any comic doing rap! Once again, remarkably, that's
the depth and beauty of His plans for us.
Once, back in the
eighties, they tried to book God as the rookie feature act in
Birmingham, Alabama with Carrot Top! During a sudden holiday blizzard,
the entire club (with all of Carrot Top's props) burned to the ground!
JUST WHO SAYS: " GOD IS NOT FUNNY? "
one evening, after you leave your local comedy club, if you just happen
to have this really great feeling, and are extra happy for no reason,
and you can't figure out why…Maybe, just maybe, you had been blessed,
and you got to see God try out His newest jokes! ALL God's chilluns'
need to keep laughing!