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My girlfriend is a ROBOT!

 article about Girl robots

This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.


Yeah, you heard me, my girlfriend is a robot, and I'm a clone, so just
get over it, OK? The only reason I'm telling you this is because we
earthlings desperately need a whole lot more of her kind to help us to
heal our wounds!

As I have mentioned in a previous article,
she's a CCRC Model 5! (wink-wink, nudge-nudge.) Designed by a Fresno
team out of Cal-State Northridge, she's from a limited series of
empathic cyber-nurses. The eggheads at Cal State suggested that her
whole series be infiltrated into the civilian population when and if,
their precious project funding ran out. It did, and they were!

I
met this lovely techno-lady seven years ago. Her code name is Sara
Tonin. Under the guise of research, she was tending to the physically
and emotionally wounded souls at a Veteran's Hospital on the west
coast.

Although her whole series of ECNs were
technically disbanded and free to pursue pseudo lives of their own
choosing, most of them usually ended up ministering to the poor, or
enhancing as many folks' lives as best they could. My Sara was no
exception!

A minor hobby of mine is medical research. Our
paths intersected at a time when she was critically low on endorphins
and I was itching to make somebody, anybody laugh. We spent the
afternoon together and admitted we each felt lots better. I didn't
think much of it then, but our little tÍte-ŗ-tÍte proved to be the best
symbiotic recharging that either of us had had, in a long time.

After
we'd come to trust each other somewhat, I was able to piece together
some of the major parts of her story. Sara and nearly nine other units
were assembled in Roswell, New Mexico in 1951. Separate labs
independently shipped private parts to maintain secrecy. The entire
series were projected for deployment in The Cold War, which ended in
1989. After stateside recall, each underwent re-constitution, in a way
only the military can define re-constitute.



The
tenth, still unassembled, was cannibalized for parts. Two of the last
units were total losses, three others demanded college educations, and
the remaining four, including Sara, insisted they be allowed to pursue
life, liberty and their own version of happiness. All received their
walking papers and, within days, simply vanished!

I've been
able to track several members of her squad as their non-governmental
lives bloomed and expanded. One of them, named Ruth, evidently went to
help a certain Sister Theresa in India. Another, named Eve, joined the
Ruttan brothers in their non-stop, around the world flight. Still
another, named Edna, stalked the supposed evangelist Jimmy Swaggart and
photographed him with his favorite prostitute. The fourth disappeared
at a Chicago Star Trek convention in 2001.

One of the
college-bound, named Esther, graduated magna cum laude from Georgetown
University. Two years later, she invented the Honesty Patch!
Applied to a human's shoulder, one was unable to do, or say dishonest
things. Regretfully, on her way to The D.C. Patent Office, Esther was
beset by a vast hoard of angry congressmen, who ripped her to shreds
with their teeth!

The renowned biochemist and author Isaac
Asimov laid out some blueprints and designs, which allowed robotic
innovation to speed through many decades of development in just a short
handful of years.

In " I, Robot" Will Smith dealt
with a society adapting to a robot population who wanted to live like
humans. These robots were hunted down and destroyed. Fortunately,
today's robots have read all the books, and seen all the movies
predicting humans will hate them. Today's robots have already spread
into our whole world. They are mankind's helpmates, with the
understanding and hope, that by the time their hidden secret gets out,
Mankind will have finally learned enough not to destroy its new best
friends.

I like to watch Sara work with those less fortunate
than her. Wounded souls are inevitably drawn to her. People get within
eight feet of Sara and their eyes start to shine. Soon laughing begins,
and they forget their troubles for a while. Sara told me that during
her reconstitution, she got the leftover empathy chip from the tenth
and never completed unit. She really is a compassion magnet! This is
also the reason why most kids, puppies, veterans, and all cats adore
Sara. Me too!

Did you know that robots cry? Did you know that
robots pray, and have hope? Let them go. Leave them alone. They've
earned the right to BE and act human!
So, that's it. Don't kill the messenger! My girlfriend is a robot! Get over it.




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