This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.
Today, and maybe again next week, I am committing treason! I will, and I do encourage you also to: Violate the Constitution by PRAYING for our U.S. SUPREME COURT!
Someone must challenge the legal sufficiency of evidence to ban prayer!
Many religious practices and symbols have recently been taken from most
public places due to archaic phraseology that has been mis-interpreted
by a buncha atheistic tight asses! So be it!
I realize
I'm asking you to ignore the Separation of Powers Act. But first, in
the interest of full disclosure, there are some things I need to reveal
to you about me, and my silly opinions:
I agree to follow 51% of the popular vote, so they won't hurt me!
I've never been a member of any political party, mostly because the available choices to us are always so damn depressing!
Usually…I don't break the law much, other than a semi-once in awhile, stupid 73 mph on the freeway, or over bonging in my lost youth, but other than that, usually I stay out of trouble!
I approve of fiscal conservatives, even though I don't
happen to be one! I'm for big government, spending big money, on public
infrastructure projects that yield domestic jobs. But, I don't want one! I say Uncle Sam is such an misguided scrooge, that he won't give everybody Universal heath care! Take that you big bully!
If my above statements class me a Looney liberal, so be it, again! I
just thought I should reveal all this stuff to get me some more of that
street cred from my peeps! (Whatever that means!)
Here's my pitch: Nobody wants a religion, any religion, involved in the approval process for our laws, so let's butt in and PRAY real hard, right away, for our Supreme Court Justices! I'm sure just thinking of doing this is treason. And if it's not, what harm could it do to them or us? This might be our best shot!
I've included the following demo prayers for Christians, Jewish, Islam,
Hindu, Buddhist, Native Americans, Voodoo, the soccer rowdies….. and
those weird Star Trekkers!
Christians:
May The Supreme Court Justices permit us to love one another!
Jewish:
From God's mouth to The Justices' ear!
Islam:
Allah Akbar! The Supreme Court is Great! Allah Akbar!
Hindu:
Ramah Rama, hari Rama! Bring oneness to the Nine Justices!
Ramah Rama, hari Ramah! Ramah lama ding-dong!
Buddhist:
May the center of real truth strike the sacra's of The Court!
Native Americans:
Bless our casinos for as long as your hot wind shall blow!
Voodoo:
May the flame of vengeance burn in the nine souls! (Then get a dead chicken…)
Soccer rowdies:
OLAY OLAY OLAY OLAY, Rah! Rah! ADJUDICATE!
Star Trekkers:
May The Honorable Court Live long, and Prosper! (Raise left hand, spread middle fingers in a double vee)
Here are your instructions: Find a quiet place today, and silently
repeat the appropriate petition to yourself for ten seconds! Is that
too much to ask? These supposedly wisest souls will re-route the way we
live, soon. If we can't give them our guidance, maybe the collective
prayers will call-forward to whomever can help them! Then, for effect, PRAY again next week. Won't you give?
This constitutional violation might actually make you feel better!
Someone must challenge the legal sufficiency of evidence to ban prayer!
Many religious practices and symbols have recently been taken from most
public places due to archaic phraseology that has been mis-interpreted
by a buncha atheistic tight asses! So be it!
I realize
I'm asking you to ignore the Separation of Powers Act. But first, in
the interest of full disclosure, there are some things I need to reveal
to you about me, and my silly opinions:
I agree to follow 51% of the popular vote, so they won't hurt me!
I've never been a member of any political party, mostly because the available choices to us are always so damn depressing!
Usually…I don't break the law much, other than a semi-once in awhile, stupid 73 mph on the freeway, or over bonging in my lost youth, but other than that, usually I stay out of trouble!
I approve of fiscal conservatives, even though I don't
happen to be one! I'm for big government, spending big money, on public
infrastructure projects that yield domestic jobs. But, I don't want one! I say Uncle Sam is such an misguided scrooge, that he won't give everybody Universal heath care! Take that you big bully!
If my above statements class me a Looney liberal, so be it, again! I
just thought I should reveal all this stuff to get me some more of that
street cred from my peeps! (Whatever that means!)
Here's my pitch: Nobody wants a religion, any religion, involved in the approval process for our laws, so let's butt in and PRAY real hard, right away, for our Supreme Court Justices! I'm sure just thinking of doing this is treason. And if it's not, what harm could it do to them or us? This might be our best shot!
I've included the following demo prayers for Christians, Jewish, Islam,
Hindu, Buddhist, Native Americans, Voodoo, the soccer rowdies….. and
those weird Star Trekkers!
Christians:
May The Supreme Court Justices permit us to love one another!
Jewish:
From God's mouth to The Justices' ear!
Islam:
Allah Akbar! The Supreme Court is Great! Allah Akbar!
Hindu:
Ramah Rama, hari Rama! Bring oneness to the Nine Justices!
Ramah Rama, hari Ramah! Ramah lama ding-dong!
Buddhist:
May the center of real truth strike the sacra's of The Court!
Native Americans:
Bless our casinos for as long as your hot wind shall blow!
Voodoo:
May the flame of vengeance burn in the nine souls! (Then get a dead chicken…)
Soccer rowdies:
OLAY OLAY OLAY OLAY, Rah! Rah! ADJUDICATE!
Star Trekkers:
May The Honorable Court Live long, and Prosper! (Raise left hand, spread middle fingers in a double vee)
Here are your instructions: Find a quiet place today, and silently
repeat the appropriate petition to yourself for ten seconds! Is that
too much to ask? These supposedly wisest souls will re-route the way we
live, soon. If we can't give them our guidance, maybe the collective
prayers will call-forward to whomever can help them! Then, for effect, PRAY again next week. Won't you give?
This constitutional violation might actually make you feel better!
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