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'Declare a REAL War...Or Get OFF the Pot!'

 article about Declare a REAL War...Or Get OFF the Pot!

This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.


(Inside Nancy Pelosi's head!)


 


Most of us have dreams.  Some of us even remember those dreams. Do you remember your dreams?  I do. I dreamed I was inside Nancy Pelosi's head. Is that weird, or what?  Maybe I was getting in touch with my more sensitive side.


 


(Note for Nancy to remember: Have every damn toilet seat in the entire Capital Building...nailed DOWN!)


 


I dreamed I was inside Ms. Pelosi's head for one of her first hundred hours as the first female Speaker of the House of Representatives! And she was just spoiling to spar a couple of rounds with our erstwhile Cowboy-like Commander-in-Chief.


 


(Hmmm…where's my silk DKNY power pants suit??...Hmmm…Damn, I sure look good in these pearls!)


 


She got a meeting with the President by threatening to "PLUTO-ize" Bush Junior, and have his name removed from the list of real Presidents! Mr. Rove scheduled her that very morning!


 


(Wonder if Condy'll be there? I can't believe Laura wore that silly red dress. I would've died!)


 


Face it, a trip from The Speaker's office to The White House is not only downhill literally, it's downhill emotionally too!  She's got her game face on!


 


(I should tell Bush that the only reason we probably won't impeach him, is none of us can swallow the idea of Cheney being President! But, if Dick were declared President, the job would probably kill him just a little faster.)


 


Voters want her to tell the President that she doesn't think he has big enough huevos to veto the new minimum wage increase!


 


(I wonder if the President will take part in Tibetan National Uprising Day?Hell, I wonder if Georgie even knows where Tibet is?)


 


The Democratic Party realizes the President can fire as many lawyers as he wants to, but the public deserve to know why!


 


(Gee, Dubya knows I'm going to Iraq, I wonder if he'll try to get the new Secretary of Defense Gates to drop a bomb on me while I'm in Mosul?)


 


Just to be sure, Nancy better use some Lysol and put on rubber gloves, before she calls for committee meetings on the House of Reps' new ETHICS Bill!


 


(What'll I do if The President tells me to take my non-binding resolution...and stick it...where the sun don't shine??)


 


America's first woman Speaker of the House knows our constitution.  She's been reading a certain clause: Article one, Section eight, item eleven of the Constitution states: Only the Congress shall have the power to declare war. 


 


(If the President wants to call it a war, then constitutionally, he needs the Congress to declare a war. Without Congress declaring war, Bush is doing his own little "police action".  Let Junior put that in his pipe and smoke it!)


 


At this point, the comic in me surfaced in this wacky dream. I actually yelled out loud to Nancy to remind our President: " Hey, you should have done it by the rules when you started! Either declare a real war, or get off the damn pot!" 


 


Right then, Speaker Pelosi sneezed, and I remember waking up in a cold sweat.


 


Page that Dr. Freud for me, wouldja?


 


 



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