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Gov. Beefcake Rides Again!

 article about Gov. Beefcake Rides Again!

This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.


The immigration problem in California is so bad, we've had to hire a temporary guest worker from Austria to govern our state! Is our star's brilliance dimming, or increasing?


California, the land of fruits and nuts, is far fruittier and nuttier than anyone realizes. Seriously, most people not living here have no concept of daily life in The Golden State. California
is one of the few states that allow ballot initiatives, if enough
signatures are collected. Roughly speaking, that means, sometimes we
let the people decide! My goodness, letting the people decide, what a
concept! The people are a flighty, unpredictable bunch and any one
decision in those same people's hands can turn out to have a
double-edged sword's ramifications. At least that's how this observer
sees it.


Under an unprecedented, and mounting debt, voters in California
used another special election to give Arnold Schwartzenegger the reins
of the left coast's executive office. This, not withstanding the fact
that Herr Terminator could solve our state's fiscal fiasco, by simply
digging deep in those fancy Armani pockets of his! But we're not
holding our breath.


But running California,
with our delicious mix of the hard right wing and the loony left wing
living and working together, running this state will be the
hassle-filled equivalent of herding 30 million cats successfully! And
you know how much fun that can be!


Admittedly, the son of a burgermeister's new gig
may be the hardest thing he's ever done. Escaping Cold War Europe,
learning (OK, semi-learning) English, and moulding his body to the
lines of a '64 Thunderbird...these accomplishments were all quite
difficult. He should be proud! He should
not be proud of the groping and the admitted steroid use, and keeping
said actions on the down low! But, whaddya gonna do?


People who follow our Governor will tell you that,
in fact, Arnie is not as tall as we all think he is, but he does tower
over Mini-Me! Just ask Danny DeVito. He's just barely tall enough to
marry a Kennedy girl. (Usual height requirement for marrying into the
Camelot clan is at least being taller than Bon Jovi!)


Oh, Schwartzyface has had his successes. Thanks to
a hard curve from the carrot farmers, and after a record number of
visits to Costco's, he managed worker compensation reform as easily as
an Oscar night Vanity Fair party. He did cancel driver's licenses for
undocumented workers. And for a guy who conned the Republicans into
thinking he was one of them by promising not to raise taxes, he did
finagle two billion dollars out of the education budget.


Arnold Schwartzenhooey is not your grandfather's Republican! Hey Arnie, our teachers union wants their two billion bucks back, just like you promised!


In James Mathews' new book: "The People's Machine" he calls the California Governor a "one man physical fitness lobby!" Well, if Sergeant Shriver and Eunice Kennedy Shriver were my father and mother-in law, I would be too!


Make no mistake about it; Arnold is an energetic and ambitious guy. He's told his friends that he's wanted to be President since 1969! During the 1990's, he met with every one of America's Governors.(except the campaigning Clinton) For the recall election against hapless Grey Davis, Schwartzbody has had his pick of the best minds as staff. But,
his positives are still less than 50%, and that can mean the very worst
for an incumbent! He still phones reporters privately vainly trying to
improve those numbers.


Will the Schwartzenator be re-elected? Hard to say, but never discount the cult of celebrity! If
you were The Premier of China, would you rather meet with some George
Pataki guy (Gov-NY-R) or The Terminator for lunch? Be real, you and I,
we would be in that limousine to Long Beach so fast....


How can the least vulnerable person in the state protect the most vulnerable citizens? Well,
Arnold IS one of the most famous people in the world, maybe he can get
Paris Hilton, or some other of his pals in the glitteratti to do a fund
raising event for our state. Maybe.


Like him, or hate him, California's current Governor is probably more famous than your Governor! And the voters here may want to keep it that way!



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