This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.

(An ongoing metamorphosis from homo sapiens to insecure warmonger)

It's time to realize wackos escaped from the booby hatch are advising the C student that runs America
and the free world. Where did they come from? Were they nurtured or
nourished? Are they hard-wired? What are the forces that warped their
abilities to play well with others? Here's a short list of their
developing phases you can use to identify and neutralize their
aggressive tendencies. Be watchful, or else you and/or your family will
be manipulated into fighting some stupid war too!

Most neo-cons will mutate through these twelve predictable stages:


is the baby that pees in your face and soils your pants. He's also the
one that bonks you with his rattle at every chance. Watch him!


is the three year old that runs around everywhere then invades your
personal space (an indicator of pre-dispositional behavior).


is the youngster that paints his face and nails black, he is sullen. He
lies about intelligence. He blames others for everything and his
constant cry is "Leave me alone!" He's a bed wetter.


is the individual that usually forgets what he promised to do, has
slouchy posture, always seems confused, strikes out violently at
others, but curiously, seems to think he knows everything.

Young adult:

worker bee is a go-getter who ignores most lessons learned from the
past. He drives his SUV like a tank. He's unfashionably late and
usually tries to impress everybody. He is the first to question any
authority and he wants to vote, he wants you to vote, and he wants your
Auntie to vote too! Right now! Watch him!


world wise guy disdains the lower classes. He knows in his heart, he's
superior to those around him. He is the first one in the group to use
manifest destiny as a personal alibi.

Disillusioned man:

If things had been done his way, we wouldn't be in the mess we're in now. He now calls the Iraq fiasco: Bush's Bay of Pigs.
He says they're all bums anyway. Who cares how many of them die? He
thinks about hitting his wife when he's impotent. He's the last to get
to work, and the first one to leave. Bed wetter. He smells like Rush
Limbaugh on a bad day. He demands: "Leave me alone!"

Bitter old man:

This old coot complains that HE had to serve all of his required National Guard time. He thought Pat Tillman was a sap. He knows who offed JFK and wants to take the vote away
from women. He refuses to go hunting with Dick Cheney, but his feelings
are hurt because he was never asked to go. Have the Homeland Security
watch him!

Vice President:

...(This section deleted, due to national security requirements) ......" seems to be nice guy." is only entry in section remaining.

Bitter dead guy:

was charged, but not indicted yet. He looks like George Will. He's
buried with all of his guns, awarded Medal of Freedom. His gravestone
reads: "See I told you over and over: I was right, and you, you jerk, are STILL wrong!"

Tortured soul:

ruminates around White House. Really doesn't think Hell is all that
bad, compared to living with the undecided voters, and those idiot
liberals. He's forced to appear in Oliver Stone's next anti-war movie.
He wants everybody and everything (the un-dead included) to just leave him alone!

Re-incarnated soul:

Ann Coulter, bed wetter, bulemic and liaress supreme!

neo-cons include: William Krystol, Paul Wolfowitz, General Rommel, Jack
Bolton, Elliot Abrams, Benito Mussolini, Charles Krauthammer, Jonah
Golberg, Meyrav Wurmser, Pol Pot, Ariel Cohen, Sean Hannity, Mothra,
Michael Ledeen, Richard Pearl, Robert Kragan, Benedict Arnold, Jacques
Barzun, Russel Crowe, The Devil Incarnate, David Horowitz, David
Harsanyi, Sirhan Sirhan, Jeb Bush, Felix Rohatyn, Hap Arnold, John
Podhoretz, Carl Gershman, Ted Nugent, Frank Gafney, O.J. Simpson,
Thomas Donnely, Estonia's Siim Einfeldt, Leo Strauss,

Mao Tse Tung, Oliver North, Joe McCarthy, and of course, George Bush Jr.

These creatures, whether by evolution or intelligent design,
(let neo-cons chew on that one for awhile!) have had hugely negative
effects on the lives of innocent, peace loving people almost
everywhere. If we track current and past neo-con activity and their
plans, future citizens can still be forewarned.

This is my personal belief: Those who want a war, should be forced to fight in it!

a citizen does not protest evil actions by his government, then he is
as morally guilty as his government! I refer you to the Germans who let
the Nazis take over! Heed my warning or risk the consequences: Watch
the war hawks and neo-cons! Track them. Listen to the neo-cons, because
surely they are listening to you. Or maybe they'll have the NSA do it
without a warrant!

Fight neo-cons where they can't fight back! I propose a bumper sticker that says:


Peace out ...Red Shoe-wise!