This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.

Stand With Israel!
(although, I'm sure they won't even notice.)

suppose the rest of the world may think I'm just one stupid American, but I'd
like to take the chance to make my case for all to see and hear.

I stand with Israel! But, I also stood
with the hippies, The ERA, and The Chicago Cubs. I don't always stand with the
winners, I stand where my heart tells me. And, in the interest of full
disclosure, I admit my bias with these truths: I am a forth generation
American, with some Polish-Czech-German ancestry. I was raised in The South as
a Christian, but show Buddhist intent. Judging from how my name is spelled, I
suspect a Jewish great-great-great grandmother wanted me circumsized, although health
regulations in Austin, Texas in the 1950's did the dastardly deed. Is
that enough disclosure for ya?

asking The United Nations to conduct combat and/or peace-keeping operations is
like asking Jessica Simpson to fly The Space Shuttle. It looks good, it sounds
good, it smells good, but forget it, forget it right now.

I hope Israel's military invasion is not compared to America's invasion of Iraq. The truth be known, I
supported the U.S. venture
in Afghanistan, but not the
one in Iraq.
So, get your scorecard out: that's yes on Kabul,
no on Baghdad, yes on Lebanon. Ya got it? Yeah, I know, it's all very confusing, even
to me.

yes I know, they've been fighting over that land (Judea)
for three thousand years, so I guess it's their national sport. Has anyone asked them to try hockey? Since
WWII, (the Allies vs the Axis) The Middle East has seen hundreds of thousands of
people die violently, because "an eye for an eye" leaves them blind,
and the resulting cease-fires leave them time to reload. Just because no
solutions have worked yet, shouldn't mean we stop trying to solve this on-going
fiasco for mankind.

please realize as quickly as your short-sighted brains can: NOBODY'S
I hate to be so insistent about
this, but any other option is a definite deal breaker, Kapish?

citizens of other countries can't understand this particular conflict. Well,
just how reasonable would you be if a hundred rockets were shot at you, your
kids, your Mom, and your wife every damn day? Wise up!

is trying to stop Hezbollah from re-arming right now. Israel is trying to stop more rockets from being
moved south, to hit Tel Aviv and Haifa.
Israel is trying to stop
their kidnapped soldiers from being moved in, or out of Lebanon. For
these reasons, Israel is,
for now, well...Israel is Lebanon's "daddy!"

if Hezbollah and Hamas are cowardly enough to hide behind a family, or other
innocents, Hezbollah and Hamas share the blame. Hamas and Hezbollah have been
teasing a big dog, and got bit. I've no sympathy for these boy-like murderers.

Eighth, I smell the unseen hand of Iran here.
What's next? I wouldn't be surprised to see (after Kim's honeymoon) The North
Koreans show up in Damascus! It'd be like booking a Terrorist-Palooza!

does The Koran give the land to the Palestinians? Well, guess what? The Bible, in both parts,
most certainly gives it to the Jewish. So did The United Nations. After Israel
was so repeatedly attacked, the right of armed conquest gives Israel the deed
to that land as well.

I feel for The Palestine people, but they have to get in line. Know the Nazi Holocaust
gave Israel
first dibs, OK? But, rest assured, if
Nazis come for The Palestinians, or The Muslims, or The B'hai, we'll come stop them. Haven't we always? My point here is: let us (America)
stand up for the oppressed people of Israel,
then maybe next, we (America
& it's pals) can stand up for them. (the oppressed people of Palestine.) A lifeguard
can only rescue one at a time. Oh, and try to remember Israel was the
very first
to petition The U.N. for an independent state for Palestine.

that's my case. I stand with Israel! Won't you?

name is Lue Deck, the friendly infidel Comic in Red Shoes, and I approved this