This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.

met on a cruise ship. No names please,
but the ship was with a cruise line that rhymes with " Parnival! "

all heard that old saw: "Love is like a bird in the hand, if you hold
it too tight, you'll crush it! If you hold too loosely, it will fly away! And if it does fly away, then that
love was never meant to be
!" Well, when we flew away from each other, it
was hard to tell which of us was the most relieved!

Holiday ported at Cozumel, The Cayman Islands, and Ocho Rios, Jamaica.
By the time we got back to Miami,
I was in head over heels! It was love at first handcuffs! She wore red shoes, when we were wed.

two years, I was happy, but she wasn't!
I never saw it coming. When it happened, I really didn't want to get the
divorce! But the other cop she happened to be sleeping with...downright

told me right after court that day: "Don't ever get arrested! I'll hear about it, somehow I'll get
there!" So, I don't speed in my
car, or even litter anymore! That reunion, I don't want to be there for!

tell this joke about it: On the same day
that I got divorced, I up, and lost my divorce papers! (Arms and legs akimbo,
like an epeleptic!) I guess it must have been sometime during the dance!
( ...I'm free! I'm free...)

get to my point: I just love strong
women! They are the best! My Mom was a
strong woman! So was her Mom! My sister is still one of the strongest women
I've ever met! She married a cop too!

have a word of advice for you men: If you're lucky enough to have a strong
woman in your life, whether you're sitting with her, loving her, living with
her, or just know that you want a strong woman...You nurture her! You listen to
her! You support her, and her choices! Or
.....she will break both of your damn legs!

I know this now. I do love strong women! In fact, the woman I was married to,
was a Sargeant of Police in Tampa,
! To this day, I just don't know what in God's
name...what was I thinking??

given the chance to have sex in her patrol car at sixty MPH on Interstate
75...No! No...nevermind! What was I thinking??

may not believe this, but it's hard, being married to a policewoman! I bet
there's not one other man reading this, that gets pistol-whipped...every
time he leaves that toilet seat up!

may not believe this either, but it's hard, sleeping with a policewoman! Her
gun? Well, it was bigger than mine! Actually, the last time we made love, she
gave me a ticket...for goin' too fast!

think what really pissed her off though...was that rear-end collision! She
tried to book me for Assault and Battery.....with a dead weapon!

I'm a better man for the experience!
I've also gained a whole new respect for those that carry a gun and
badge. If you think your life is tough, try doing the right thing every
moment of every day, every day of every week, every week of every year! It gets harder to do, the further you get in!
It's an awesome burden to bear, but those who protect and serve, they ask for
it. They ask for that burden every day
they go to work! So, if you can, cut
'em some SLACK,

if you happen to see, or happen to hear that I got arrested, just please, please,
don't call Tampa!