Poor Lue's Almanack April '06 (The first part's true, the last part's Lue)
This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.
drenched by May showers. Here's some ephemera from the stream of
conciousness that will always represent our
Ah, it's the first days of spring, that's when a
young immigrant's thoughts often turn to finding a JOB, or RIOTING!
30% of Americans think immigration is not a real
But, that's only if you ask them the question in
Looks like immigrant hopes for the Roadmap to
Amnesty are fading. It's been folded up and discarded back in the
glovebox, right next to the Roadmap for Peace, and the Roadmap to Heath Care!
"Give us your tired, your poor, your huddled
Really, the sign on
Gay and lesbian couples with kids were invited to
The White House Easter Egg Roll for the first time. But to get in, some the
couples were forced to redecorate the residential wing. Queer Eye Meets The Crawford Guy!
Security shuts down
alerted to a dangerous substance stored in the attic. As luck would have it, it was an old pool of HONESTY and nobody knew
what to do with it!
Constitution-Article 16 should read: " The Congress shall have power to Lay and Collect and WASTE taxes
on incomes from whatever source derived "...}
Former Oval Office advisors are deserting Jr's ship
of state like rats.
Everyone there who had an exit strategy, HAS
"YOU'RE DOIN' A GREAT JOB...GEORGIE!"
Bush's approval rating is at a HIGH of 32, and
Dick Cheney's rating is at a LOW of 18. Ironically, it kinda sounds like the overnight
weather forecast in Hillary Clinton's BEDROOM!
Fidel Castro is so afraid of being assassinated, he
burns his underwear after only one use. I bet you didn't know Bush Jr.
does the SAME THING to all the Democrats HE USES!
Remember when the very WORST the Republicans
was shoot themselves IN THE FOOT?
The Pentagon orders extra body armor-Priority
One! It's not for our troops in
it's for any future lawyers who go hunting with Dick Cheney!
Get the new Dick Cheney Vice Presidential ACTION
Doll! It comes with the authority to award no-bid contracts, declassify
documents, and it's very own shotgun!
Ammo, alibi, and lawyers not included.
Dick Cheney throws out the first pitch for the
Washington Nationals, cuz it turns out Sooter Libby was scheduled, but
he's kinda right busy now!
So, now BOTH Dick Cheney and Bill Clinton
have shot someone...IN THE FACE!
Only an administration this inept, this dorky, this
arrogant...could make us all NOSTALGIC for the good ol' Bill
"Hillary is personally fighting global
warming."...so says her part-time hubby Bill: "At
least it sure FEELS that way in our bedroom."
Hillary Clinton is
portrayed in wax at Madam Toussuad's. It
really is a reasonable likeness, and even exudes MORE WARMTH!
gets to send our Bloods and Crypts to
to setup and operate their new National Lottery!
FEMA says it's ready for hurricane season, so that
means if you live nears
DOOMED! Run for it now!
Hey, as far as Sacremento and
EVEN Led Zeppelin KNEW the
levees were gonna break!
Secretary of Defense Do Rumsfeldt is so two-faced,
he can play
GOOD cop/ BAD cop... ALL
Five retired Generals call for Dr. Phil and
Former Republican leader Tom Delay resigns in
disgrace! He stepped down after the tracking dogs got too close
to him in the "Black-mailing Peter for money to pay Paul-gate"
Neo-Cons know the aroma of skanky-ness, and
they like to refresh themselves in the perfume of it, from time to time!
Ask Ann Coulter!
Rudy Guiliani may run for president? Hey, isn't this the candidate that gets his support from
Since smog from
" EAT MY DUST!"
You know what you get when that happens? Lots more show biz AGENTS!
I got stopped at a tollboth on the New Jersey
Turnpike. Turns out mine was the one millionth vehicle this month. So, five guys
came out and SHOT my car!
Pat Robertson says:" Lacrosse is GATEWAY
behavior for Rape !"
Many don't know the new movie "Failure to
Launch" was secretly sponsored
...by CIALIS and VIAGRA!
Gwyneth Paltrow names her new baby: Moses,
and hides in a undisclosed, secure location to stop Angelina Jolie from
starting adoption procedures!
remake an ancient recipe for 140 proof whiskey!
Beam me down, Scottie!
Who would have ever thought that Micheal Jackson
would turn out to be a BETTER PARENT than Britany Spears?
Hooters Airlines goes belly up! It's my guess the planes had been FONDLED and BANGED around SO MUCH, they all
The planet Uranus was discovered in 1781! Now, it's
225 years later, and STILL, NO ONE will ADMIT to naming it!
New study sez Americans are cursing more. Son of
a bitch, what son of a bitch idiot says a stupid son of a bitching thing like
Poor Lue says: I don't know who the patron saint of
lucky fools is, but I hope He stops at your house when you need him!