Hello friends. Welcome to the Journal. On June 9, 1999, my mother passed away. She was kept alive by machines for 11 days, and my family decided that day, it was time to end her suffering since that is the way my mother would want it. She did not want to live her life as a vegetable. I thought she might have a chance, but my family was set on the fact she was not going to come back as the woman we loved. In my heart from time to time, I wonder 'what if'. My girlfriend says she felt my mother squeeze her hand, but she was not waking up. It is a day that is very difficult for me to talk about, and it was a day that changed the way life was forever.

Fast forward to today, a woman named Terri Schiavo, who has been in this condition for quite a while, has died today. She spent 13 days off a feeding tube after her husband had it removed saying that Terri wanted it that way. Her parents fought and involved judges, which then brought in right wing conservatives fighting for the cause to keep her alive. Even while she was starving and decomposing, Florida governor Jeb Bush was interjecting himself into a matter that he had no business getting involved in.

There is no question about the fact Michael Schiavo has questionable motives for his actions. He is with Jodi Centonze and hooked up with her five years after Terri suffered her horrific accident. The Schindler family (that would be Terri's immediate family) is charging that Michael strangled her, and during that period 14 minutes of oxygen that was meant to go to her brain was cut off. There is no proof of this, but it makes one ask the question as to why Michael would go to such lengths to end the tragic life of his wife. Maybe he wants to officially end the marriage without divorce, since he is a devout Catholic. Maybe he wants to adhere to Terri's wishes. Just like the mystery of how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop, the world will never know.

Here is a good question; Terri has been in this state for many years, why didn't Michael come forward with this in the beginning? Why not cut her off right away? If doctors are saying there is no chance for improvement, why wait? Question number two, if the Schindler family say that Michael was as evil as they say, then why keep it quiet until the cameras turn on? Perhaps the Schindlers wanted to blame, and Michael was convenient. Michael tried to be the good husband by taking Terri to all the places she loved in her wheelchair, but what happened behind closed doors before the accident?

You see the whole Terri Schiavo case to me goes well beyond the case of right to life vs. right to die. I believe that there are two important parts to the puzzle on this case. I believe that the first part affects those of us who have had to make this difficult decision, and the second involves us as a whole.

First, let's talk about the Pandora's box theory. When my mother died, you would not believe all the drama that was associated with my family. Money was at stake, an ailing mother needed to be cared for, and many big decisions had to be made. When someone in your life dies, you really get to see the dark side of the moon when it comes to problems. People tried to vilify other people in my family, lots of mud was thrown, and me being the idiotic peacekeeper in the mess, I got caught in the crossfire. I was told many things from both sides, and some made sense at the time, and some didn't. However, when the truth reared its ugly head, it was very hard for me to deal with and showed me the true ugliness of people. I vowed not to give people chances after that. I think we find out many truths and fictions associated with people we care about come out after they have passed away, and then sometimes we find out things about people who are still alive. Could that be a coping mechanism for the Schindler's, by talking about the abuse in the relationship between Michael and Terri? I am sure many of you reading this know what I am talking about. When it comes to making decisions like this, it is never a good time. The media circus that surrounded this event I found offensive, and listening to right wing conservatives who don't know a good bill from their asshole give their medical opinion of her condition based of a videotape released in 2001, made me want to puke.

This brings me to point number two. When is our government going to stop interjecting themselves in situations that do not involve them? Someone flashes their tit on camera for half a second, and the government believes that our moral system is flawed and decides to push their beliefs about good programming down our throat. A terrorist attack happens on our homeland, and now everyone who is a little weird is a suspect. If we question our President's decisions, we are branded a traitor or become "Dixie Chicked" as Bill Maher puts it. Free thinking I guess is a dangerous thing. Someone told me that I was an unmerciful, evil person because I said they should have found a way to end her suffering, rather than make her suffer more by removing the feeding tube and just keep her lying there. Why does President Bush have to comment on this matter? What the hell is going on here? Don't people have time away to live their lives without government breathing down our necks?

This is a private family matter that neither the government nor the media should have been involved in. I believe that the Schindlers and Michael Schiavo should have turned away the media and did everything behind closed doors. They fueled the fire and insanity of this craziness by inviting everyone in. I will not judge either one of them for doing what they felt they had to do, but I will say that the fact they got the media involved is just sad. A woman's right to live is not a newsworthy topic. What about the millions of other people who go through this ordeal? Should they be the top story on World News Tonight too? The Schindlers say this is a sad day for America. I'm sorry, but Terri's death is not what makes this a sad day in America, it is a sad day in America when a story like this is the top story.

Sorry to be so serious this week, but I had to address this subject. Read next week where I will be back to my fun filled crazy ass self. And by the way, go Illini!!!! Go Bulls; they're doing well too. And yeah, go White Sox. They start season next week and I will be there. And to the Cubs, keep on sucking losers!

MJ