Welcome to the Journal this week. So much to talk about in so little time so instead of tackling one issue, I am going to shoot on many different ones going on right now. This should be a fun filled read so get ready, get set, GO!

First off, what's up with Condoleezza Rice hugging a sumo wrestler? That dude would break her in half. As a trick, maybe the Ambassador of Japan could push him over and say, "revenge for Hiroshima bitch."

Speaking about revenge, isn't the gun thing getting out of hand again? First Judge Joan Lefkow's family is shot dead, then the preacher in Gurnee being gunned down during a service at a hotel in Brookfield, WI; and now this past week, a huge shootout in an Atlanta courthouse. What is up with our country? Has it come to the point we just shoot people we are mad at? So much for the moral values of the United States. By the way, most of these people were devout Christians. I think God needs to come down here and have a word with some his radical followers. No drinking, no guns, and no more court.

Michael Jackson, what a clown. What dork comes to court in his pajamas? I know that the boy was there and he could have easy access, if you know what I mean. But really, what clown comes to court in his pajamas? 

In beautiful Chicago Heights, a boy happened to found bags of crack in his house (that belonged to Mom) and gave them to his friends as "presents." The poor boy thought they were candies. I know that they go crackle and pop, but these are not Pop Rocks my friends. Rumor has it; the kid is going to bring in a crackpipe for show and tell.

Speaking about drugs, I would like to speak to Mark Mcgwire. You and Sammy Sosa should have a new contest. Let's see who can swallow the most loads for the 2005 baseball season. After all, you made the American people swallow a boatload of bull**** when you guys were doing that home run derby. "I don't want to focus on the past, I just want to help with the present," says Mcgwire. You are not making yourself look innocent here buddy. Just stupid. And as far as Sammy goes with that interpreter, I didn't see Sammy have any problems with his English when he was bashing on Chicago media and Dusty Baker last year. Plus, where was the damn language barrier when the corked bat incident happened?

Kirstie Alley's new show has to be the most moronic thing since Anna Nicole Smith. Can you imagine a porno with those two? It could be called The Fat Actress and Her Special Friend, and Trimspa can sponsor it. Imagine that, with every purchase of Trimspa, you can enter to win to be in a sandwich between Anna Nicole and Kirstie Alley. She'll slurp you up like a piece of fettuccine.

Lil' Kim is going to jail. Boo hoo. Isn't enough that one needs a bulletproof vest if they want to attend the Source awards? It is funny that Hot 97, the station where Kim and her Junior M.A.F.I.A. homies had their run in with Capone N Noreaga when shots were fired is the home to the shootout involving 50 cent and the Game, which just took place not too long ago. I have an idea for a sweeper here. "HOT 97, we keep the hits coming, right outside our door." Let me get back on topic. Lil' Kim can be called, Liar Kim. She cried about her relationship with Notorious B.I.G. It makes me laugh because everyone wants to get their rocks off talking about how they knew Biggie and they think this gets them a pass to fame. If you don't believe me, ask P. Diddy.

And finally, my thoughts on the Terri Schiavo case. It is a sad day when the government has to step in to make a decision about a right to die case. Don't we have anything better to do, like find a new country to invade in the name of democracy? Don't we have a deficit to fix? I guess this goes back to that moral and value issue that won the Republicans the race in the first place. I believe if Schiavo's wishes were not to keep her alive to her husband, that should be good enough. I am not one for pulling the plug, but I am one for respecting the wishes of the people I loved. If we are going to remove the feeding, pull the plug already. Why should she have to suffer like that? The husband should know that the government will try to win and he shouldn't make her suffer like that. Continue feeding until the time comes to make a decision. I think this is not right, and the government has no place in this mess.

To all you who voted due to the values like this, don't confuse moral, values, and integrity with keeping you all stupid for the master plan. Cleanse America's right to think, and make each and every of you as apathetic as possible. Question us, and you will fall. Come up with a new Patriot Act and we can get to you whenever we want. And the best part, it's legal too. Let us systematically censor all the things you like to watch or listen to, while many of you in the Bible belt support the cause.

Welcome to America 2005. God bless America? If he really wanted to bless us, would things have gone this far? While courtrooms being shot up in a blaze of infamy, people who are considered icons on trial for making children drinking "Jesus Juice" among other things, while athletes just get the juice, and ask Jesus for forgiveness. Kids bringing crack to school, while judge's families are at risk because their relatives are putting away criminals. Morons featured on TV being morons, and rappers shooting themselves at the same radio station. And to put the cherry on the sundae, the government is telling a family that they have no right to respect the wishes of someone who is dying. I hope Terri Schiavo somehow finds peace during this ordeal.

At this time, I would like to go back to my first paragraph here. We are Condi, and the absurdities of the way we live our lives is that sumo wrestler. If the wrestler fell on Condi, do you think she would have a chance? She may survive, but she would have to fight like hell to do so. Is America ready to fight like hell to save her life?

Yours truly,


P.S. Happy Easter!!!! Whoo hoo!!!! Go Jesus go!!!!!