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Vegan maniac encountered on JDate internet dating

 article about Vegan maniac encountered on JDate internet dating

This article belongs to Summer 2009 theme.


True story: She says "I hope when you go hunting that the bullet bounces of the animal and hits you in your sorry little ass." She don't even wear leather.

I happened to mention to this blond Jewish chick on JDate that I grew up in Virginia and used to hunt for squirrels with a .22 or shotgun (killed a total of about 3); also hunted for deer (never saw one except roadkill), also at age 13 went chipmunk hunting with a sling shot (got one, skinned it and placed it proudly on my wall) also woodchuck hunting (never saw one of those fuckers...just a lot of holes in the ground). You only see 'em on the side of the highway.

Remember when Jimmy Carter was in a row boat in Georgia and got attacked by a rabid beaver. He hit it over and over with his oar and got major bad PR for being cruel. What was he supposed to do, offer it some hors doevres?

I convinced my mom when I was 14, to let me fry a dead squirrel in a cast iron pan. She stayed out of the kitchen but peaked in and saw that little skinny critter, whole body lying face up, claws extended to Heaven, in the frying pan.

She let out a scream and needed 20 years of therapy to recover. :)

For more details....see my forthcuming book: "Jewish Hunters--the story of Jews of the Wild West who hunted pigs, moose, shellfish, clams, gefilte fish, chipmunks and bagels." There was the infamous story of Seymour LipShitz, a Jewish novice Cowboy, who, by mistake tried to milk a bull instead of a cow. The bull would not leave him alone until their relationship was consummated. He's had thousands of dollars of proctological bills.

So this blond Jewish chick tells me that she is a (Nazi) vegan. She says she doesn't even wear leather. She got offended when I asked her if she was sure her tampon was an animal product.

So this angry, Vegan Nazi who love animules but loves to insult people actually said to me:

"Next time you go hunting, I hope your bullet bounces off the animal and hits your sorry ass." (Now I swear that comment is true, as Groucho is my witness)

Now, I ain't Buddhist, but that "bullet into my ass" comment don't semen to be very spiritual.

So I tried to be a good Buddhist/Jew in my kind response and I said:

"I hope that your journey will be a peaceful one without anger and rigidity.

You might find these Buddhist books helpful "When things Go Wrong" and "The Places that Scare You." by a Buddhist nun named Pemal Chodron.

I sent the note and felt very spiritual.

Then I had this fantasy of sending a followup note.

"If the Buddhists books dont give you piece of mind, I have a Black friend, "Too Tall Jamal" who specializes in giving his first 14 inches, anally, to Jewish chicks, pro boner, I mean pro bono.

Kindly bring your own lubricant.


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