Sing along, everybody!
With all the thoughts it could be thinkin', it could be another Lincoln....
If it only had a ploooooot...
Scare Crow
*
DVD
Written by
Emmanuel Itier
Directed by
Emmanuel Itier
Bill Cunningham
Cast
Tim Young .... Lester Dwervick
Todd Rex .... The Scarecrow
Tiffany Shepis .... Judy Patterson
Jen Richey .... Morgan
Roxanna Bina .... Stephanie
John Moore .... Chad
Jason Simon .... Eddie Barclay
Mark Irvingsen .... Farmer Hailey/Burt
Belinda Gavin .... Rhonda
Sonja Ecker .... Mrs. Melton
Armont Casale .... Mitch
Anthony C. Ferrante .... Jake
Skyler Caleb .... Tiger
Anil de Mello .... Greg
R
86 mins
So,
anybody up for a good old fashioned round of "More of The Same?" No?
Well, then you'd better not get your hands on a copy of Scare Crow,
because that's exactly what it is.
Scare Crow can be summed up
in one basic and heartbreakingly simple sentence: It's just a sloppy
version of Eight Mile where Marshall dies and comes back as a homicidal
scarecrow instead of becoming an iconic rapper.
Seriously, that's ALL.
The
long and the short of this poor, sad wreckage is a sensitive, artistic
young man (read: geek with the horrific name of Lester Dwervick)
pursues from afar (obviously) a girl who is young, lovely, and
athletically inclined (read: cheerleader, or girl who is so far out of
his league it's like watching a sandlot team try to hit pitches in
Fenway Park).
When our poor, sensitive, artistic young man can
no longer take the abuse heaped on him by his schoolmates, his
promiscuous skank of a mother, and pretty much everybody within a fifty
foot radius of him at any given time, he turns to occult and
bloodthirsty fantasies of revenge for solace.
Indignity after
indignity follows until his death at the hands of the drunken redneck
monster who was screwing his mother this week. But the FINAL indignity
is when his death notice appears in the local paper, with the headline:
'Emerald Grove youth takes his own life--graduation proceeds as planned.'
Soon
our sensitive, artistic young man returns from the dead in a puff of
confusing backstory, and follows that up by chopping damn near
everybody in sight by way of payback and possible sheer amusement as
the ultra-evil and highly powerful 'Scare Crow.'
You know, this is how Columbine got started.
You'd
figure that at least one of these kids would have one thought before
they die, and realize that making fun of the geeks anymore is like
buying a lottery ticket in the all-states Super Grim Reaper Lotto.
Thankfully,
there's one brave soul willing to stand up on the poor guy's behalf,
but she's frequently swatted down in cries of assorted vulgar synonyms
for lesbian.
You know, there's a certain charm in this, as
everyone who was ever mean to poor Lester finds a violent and nasty
end. It is the very personification of simple justice. You can't help
but feel bad for poor Lester (nor can you help referring to him as
'poor' Lester)--the movie is all but designed to evoke sympathy for
him. It's as heavy-handed as Hellboy, but what can you do?
Expect a GOOD script, maybe? No, that's just far too much to expect.
Also, as if all this weren't bad enough, the Scare Crow favors PUNS when he kills.
The
ending is even worse, folks...it slides off into this great literary
mush, advancing what amounts to three endings. It's also dedicated to
fifty dozen horror mavens, including Dario Argento, who is deemed 'Il
Maestro.'.
This is quite possibly the biggest slap in the face to true horror fans out there.
For
them to call DARIO ARGENTO the master proves the caliber of people
we're dealing with. Argento hijacked the entire zombie genre from the
'Grand Old Man' himself, George Romero. Argento actually studied UNDER
Romero, in widely acknowledged admissions. They call a THIEF the master
and put HIS master in the small-font list of every horror writer and
director they ever read after that.
But anyway...
Extra
features include Spanish subtitles, a behind the scenes featurette, and
an outtake reel. Plus, we get trailers for Scare Crow, a local version
and an international version. We're EXPORTING this crap.
Now that's what I call an international incident....
So
all in all, if you're desperate to see Tiffany Shepis (who's terribly
hot, by the way, even with that bowl haircut she's wearing in this), or
just another hack-n-slay-cut-n-paste horror flick, knock yourself out.
The more refined among you may prefer TO knock yourself out rather than sit through this formulaic garbage.
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