Nine Lives






Amelia Warner

Rosie Fellner

Vivienne Harvey

Paris Hilton

Patrick Kennedy

David Nicolle

Ben Peyton

James Schlesinger

Lex Shrapnel

Directed by:

Andrew Green

Writing credits:

Andrew Green

Well, that's it, folks. I hope you all enjoyed civilization, because life as we know it has ended.

They put Paris Hilton in a movie. And it's NOT PORN.

yes, I know...Paris is only actually IN this for ten or fifteen minutes
but it's ten or fifteen minutes too many for this sad, debauched
wreckage of humanity.

The storyline, however, is fairly simple.
I guess that was so Miss Hilton could actually FOLLOW THE SCRIPT. Sad
that it didn't come in pop-up book format.... Someone apparently
inherited an old Scottish manor, belonging to a Scottish patriot who
died under very nasty circumstances, including having his eyes gouged

The movie gets off to a thrilling start: a girl running
through a darkened house carrying a large knife screams that she "can't
find him." But for some reason, the movie then jumps to a convoy of
black cars driving down the road.

What, did Paris do the cinematography, too?

those of you who may be getting upset by seeming logic holes, the
movie, almost begrudgingly in small white type, prints "earlier that
day" on the screen.

Paris, meanwhile, gets off to a booming
start, mocking the Swiss and chattering inanely about fashion and
"fabulous"-ness with a nearby girl, ostensibly her friend.

next ten minutes or so are spent sitting around a table empty except
for clean plates and enough wine to float the Bolivian Navy home. And
the conversation is as empty as the table. The after-dinner
conversation is emptier still, and laced with even MORE alcohol. If
there were a serial killer in this movie he would have SUCH an easy
time of it because all these kids would be either

(a) blind drunk


(b) hung-over

when he came to do the killing!

Paris has vanished. I don't know what happened, and I find I really
don't CARE what happened. My guess is they could no longer afford her.

here we go. It only took them twenty minutes to stop drinking and
introduce the main evil of the movie, the "ghost" haunting the manor.
Ostensibly, that murdered patriot we just heard about.

was, I believe, less liquor in Animal House than there is in Nine
Lives. My liver hurts just WATCHING these boozebags sop it up.

then, the movie takes an interesting turn. Instead of the ghost
manipulating objects around him in a poltergeisty manner, throwing them
at our unsuspecting socialites, the ghost uses a rare means of attack.


right, the ghost takes over the bodies of the people in the house and
immediately uses these bodies to kill the rest off. With each kill, a
new host is taken, giving us a measure of surprise in each new killer.
Who's next? Who knows!

The only way to tell is in the eyes.
Whenever one of our booze-soaked socialites is possessed, his or her
eyes go completely black.

These kids are not the best equipped,
physically or mentally, to deal with a survival horror situation as
this one is. Yes, it's really only a microcosmic version, but still...
Worse yet, it's snowing outside. The blinding snow, howling winds, and
sub-zero temperatures mean they're pretty effectively trapped in the

And they aren't making things any better by their own
actions. No one trusts anyone, and they're not bothering to notice
patterns. However, they do start noticing the patterns eventually, and
this is a point in their favor.

The rest of the movie is a
surprisingly harrowing buildup to an ending that doesn't disappoint,
for once. No cheese, no twists, just a solid ending with our last
survivor. A little sad, but still.

There's almost nothing in
terms of extra features here...just some interviews with the cast, no
doubt cashing in on the 'Paris Hilton' angle, and trailers for Godsend,
Girl With A Pearl Earring, and Shattered Glass.

So all in all, Nine Lives overcomes a slow start and turns out to be an innovative horror film.