Thank you for reading's Entertainment articles.

Danny tells his Dad about his engagement

 article about Danny tells his Dad about his engagement
Danny Horoputz, age 63, visits his 90 year old father, Steve in his nursing home, called "Fields of Yellow Snow."

Danny: "Hi, Dad, how ya feeling?"
Dad: "Who are you?"
Danny: "Dad, I'm your son."
Dad: "The legitimate one or the bastard?"
Danny: "You have an illegitimate son?"
Dad: "Never mind."
Danny: "I'm the legitimate one. 100% kosher!"
Dad: "Kosher? Then I can eat you?"

Danny: "Relax Dad. How is your memory:?"
Dad: "My what?"
Danny: "your memory."
Dad: "Mammary? You don't have mammaries!"
Danny: "Whatever...."
"Dad, how is your girlfriend here.?"

Dad: "You mean the nurse with the big tits?"
Danny: "Wow. Are you intimate with her?"
Dad: "No......I just fuck her. No. I'm not intimate with her at this very moment, ass you can see, my dim-witted son."
Danny: "Wow, I guess a guy never forgets how to screw."
Dad: "Yeah.....when I was on the kibbutz, there was this attractive, seductive chicken....."
Danny: "I dont want to hear about it."

Dad: "You know that chick in room 26? Well she insulted me."
Danny: "What did she say.?"
Dad: "She said I was dead."
I said, "you can see that I'm alive, bitch...I'm moving."
"She said, "I dont mean that YOU are dick is dead, you putz.""
Then I yelled at her and guess what? She croaked."

Danny: "But I just saw her in room 26. She was sleeping."
Dad: "The staff think she's sleeping. She actually died back in '96!!!
Danny: "She's been dead for 17 years?"

Dad: "Yeah, dont tell the staff."
Danny: "Why not?"
Dad: "Cause I've been fucking her for the last 17 years:)"
Danny: "Necrophilia????"
Dad: "No, her name was Nanette. A French slut."
Danny: "Oh've been having sex with a cadaver?"
Dad: "It's not so bad.....she moves more than a lot of the other alive chicks here.
And when I push down on her stomach, she makes this groan, like "ahhhhh" :)
I just have to remember to bring a lubricant, like Jello.

Danny: "Oy. With all due respect, Dad, you are one sick mother fucker!"
Dad: "That's the best compliment I've gotten in years."

Danny: "Actually, Dad, I came here for your blessing."
Dad: "Blessing? Who do I look like God?"
Sorry. I'll bless you unless you really fucked up."

Danny: "I hope I didn't.
Well, know how you alway said you wanted me to marry Jewish....

Dad: "Yes, and preferably whose family is in the garment business."
Danny: "Well, Dad, I am engaged to a Jew......maybe someone you've heard of....Barry Manilow."
Dad: "The faggot...I mean gay dude?"
Danny: "Yes, Dad, I am marrying a wonderful, talented, sensitive, kind, loving Jewish man."
Dad: "Oy veh....the horror! Is his mother sexually active?"
Danny: "Very much so!!!"
Dad: "How do you know?"
Danny: "Well when when the 3 of us went to Venice......Never mind! :)
Well, actually, she runs a brothel in Las Vegas."

Dad: "The bitch runs a brothel? Can I get a discount?"
Danny: "Definitely. : 20%"
Dad: "Think you could get me 25%? Just tell her it's a mitzvah. She'll understand...she's Jewish."

Danny: "Dad.......what about my blessing?"
Dad: "What blessing?"
Danny: "Do you give me your blessing for Barry and me to get married?"

Dad: "Well, let me do the math:
It's a dude. Not good.
He's queer as a three dollar bill. Not good.
Everyone knows he's gay. Not good.
It's an embarrassment to our family. Not good.
I can get a 25% discount on hookers in Vegas.....
.....OK, my son, I give you my blessing!!!

When can I start fucking hookers?"

Also, Barry's you think she'll let me do her?"

Danny: "Absolutely.....I mean, if she let me...........never mind."

Dad: "OK. Great. I bless you!!"
But I have to have 24/7 sexual access to Barry's 95 year old mother. And you have to provide me with unlimited KY-Jelly, or, at least WD-40.......the high mileage type. Jello, only as a last resort."

Danny: "Thanks Dad. I will always love you and respect you."
Dad: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz


Copywrong: 2013 Seymour LipSchitz. and Taiwanese attorney: Dong Hung Lo.
plus comedic consultant: R. U. Kidding.

have your say

Welcome to TheCheers! We've been around for a long time now, since 2004, publishing articles by people from all over the world. Roughly 300 people from 30 different countries have written for us over the years. Should you want to become a volunteer contributor, be sure to contact us!

Additional info

Some of our content may be related to gambling.

get in touch

You can contact us via the email you can find on our contact page, via telegram @thecheers, or through our The Cheers Facebook page. No real point in contacting us through The Cheers Twitter account.