We have worked long and hard to get to this point and now that it's happened, we're proud to announce the opening of a new office for The Cheers magazine. But before I go on, I want to apologise for not being in touch with you guys for that long. But just to get you back up-to-date what has happened over the years, you can read it all from my previous columns, which, for some reason, have been posted at a totally different site called The Daily Bonk. If I would only understand what's going on. I didn't then and I don't now. I've been held prisoner at our last office building, I once decided to change my life which ended with me taking a piss, literally. And of course, once there was pink bubblegum.

So as you can see, my life hasn't really been as bad as a living hell, but rather sometimes a bit worse. In that sense it's a good thing I'm usually on drugs to help me forget my fear of commitment. Commitment to living hell and above, that is.

Ah yes, back to the main topic, The Cheers finally got a new office. It's situated in a sunny location with a green view, easy access to neighbours, very close to the city center, comfortable and easily modifiable in any possible way. The only problem, however, is the fact that by now all the other employees of TheCheers Corp have actually left me and they also took my internet with them. So to actually get this post published, I had to hand-write this announcement on papyrus, scan it, mail it to my mum who would then fax it over to my former assistant editor, who now lives in the woods, is partly suicidal and now that I'm thinking about it, actually hates my guts and promised to kill me with her telepathic powers should I ever contact her again. But, I decided to contact her anyhow, she can't be that suicidal, right?

Well, I don't know how, but if you are reading it, though the mysteries of the unknown universe, this announcement must have been published somehow by someone, and for some weird reason.

Ah yes, I still haven't shown you the picture of The Cheers Corp's brand new super-duper super expensive downtown office building. And yes, everything you can see is ours. And I'm proud of it.