Revenge Guy... first off, great website. I just stumbled across it this
afternoon and am glad I did. Here is my situation. A couple of years
ago, my two younger cousins got the best of me at a
family-get-together, Thanksgiving I believe. Anyway, they talked me
into playing a game of "Spoons" with them. I am sure you know what this
is. However, I did not. Let me explain just in case you haven't heard
of this horrible game.

Two people kneel facing each other. A large metal spoon is presented.
In turn, as one person lowers their head, the other places the spoon in
their mouth and tries to whack the other in the head with the spoon
(this is actually quite hard to do just so you know). Then the guy who
just got whacked places the spoon in his mouth as the other bows down
and whacks the guy in return. This goes on till one person gives up.
The two brothers (my cousins) totally embellished this story of how one
of the brothers (Tommy) was the best in his school at this game, and
how he had the technique down perfectly. I went first, I placed the
spoon in my mouth, took a few practice swings (nods) and hit him in the
head. Needless to say, I didn't hit him all that hard.

Then it was his turn. I bowed down, he placed the spoon in his mouth,
and all the sudden, whack! It hurt like Hell!!! I turned around
immediately suspecting the other cousin of hitting me with a separate
spoon, but he was a few feet away and everyone in my family (they were
all in the room watching) said he had done nothing of the sort, that
Tommy had indeed hit me with the spoon in his mouth. I proceeded to
take my turn. As I was prepping, they were all giving me advice on
technique... how to properly whip my neck to get the maximum force out
of a hit and such. Again, a dull thud... not hard at all. So again, I
bowed down and took my hit. Whack!!! Again it hurt like hell. I looked
again for an accomplice to my obvious beating, but again the family
claimed that Tommy used the spoon in his mouth to hit me. This went on
for some time till I finally realized that I just wasn't able to get
the technique down and gave up.

Well, a few weeks later the
family got together again for a family BBQ. When I arrived, everyone
was in the living room watching the TV. To my horror, someone had
videotaped the whole game a few weeks earlier and was showing it. I saw
myself placing the spoon in my mouth, taking a few practice swings,
then quite lamely bonking my cousin on his head. Then I see me bowing
down to receive my blow. I was very interested at this point; wanting
to see exactly how he was achieving these very hard blows to my head.
And as he whips the spoon down, it misses me, but I see my other cousin
lean in and hit me with a large spoon he had hidden behind his back!
Then of course, the whole family broke into uncontrollable laughter.

Ouch! How could I have fallen for this? I thought this was the deal
from the start when playing the game, but I had my whole family
assuring me the game was legit and I simply wasn't using the right
technique. I was pissed, but it being family and all, I put on as if I
thought it were funny and took it in my stride. I told them good job
for getting me and let it go. But I didn't let it go. Since then, I
have been trying to find a way to get even with these two little punks.
A couple of years and many family gatherings have passed by, so they
are not on their guard. Now is the time to strike!

I need a good way to get even with these two.... and maybe even with
the whole family. I've read your other posts and I understand that this
is not very serious. Nobody ruined my life or anything like that, but
none the less, I want to get even. Just remember, this is family... I
don't want anyone to be permanently hurt or anything like that, but I
would love to get my revenge. Any ideas?

Taken by Family

Hi Taken,

This type of revenge requires expert timing, believable storylines and and investment in time and money.

Are you up to it?

I know you are. What's a couple of hundred dollars when revenge is needed, right?

Taken, this is what you do:

going to set yourself up as a "jackpot winner" along the lines of the
Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes (tm). By this what I mean is for
your next family gathering your going to have people come to the door
to hand you a $30 million dollar check in a believable format. Then
you're going to make the two cousins beg for a dime from you. And
anyone else you want to involve this in.

This is what you'll need:

- A printer to print a 4 foot large check for $30 million dollars.

Hire 3 actors (with cameras, tuxedo and appropriate script) for the
knock on the door and recording the prize awarding event. A rental van
with a "Sweepstakes Patrol" sign on the side would be great too!

- A family event to spring this on everyone.

the family event you'll start a sob story about your life. You're a
loser, etc. hard times, girls, job, everyting sucks... everyone will
hate you, you're such a sop. Carry on for a while. You might want to
practice this.

Timing is everything.

Then comes the prize patrol... just when everyone hates you.

$30 million prize should give you a few hours of absolute torture on
whoever is your target. Be sure the actors keep the cameras rolling.

You'll love this for years to come. You'll be a family legend.

You'll even send me a copy of the tape.

Best wishes,