We met on a cruise ship. No names please, but the ship was with a cruise line that rhymes with " Parnival! "

We've all heard that old saw: "Love is like a bird in the hand, if you hold it too tight, you'll crush it! If you hold too loosely, it will fly away! And if it does fly away, then that love was never meant to be!" Well, when we flew away from each other, it was hard to tell which of us was the most relieved!

The Holiday ported at Cozumel, The Cayman Islands, and Ocho Rios, Jamaica. By the time we got back to Miami, I was in head over heels! It was love at first handcuffs! She wore red shoes, when we were wed.

For two years, I was happy, but she wasn't! I never saw it coming. When it happened, I really didn't want to get the divorce! But the other cop she happened to be sleeping with...downright insisted!

She told me right after court that day: "Don't ever get arrested! I'll hear about it, somehow I'll get there!" So, I don't speed in my car, or even litter anymore! That reunion, I don't want to be there for!

I tell this joke about it: On the same day that I got divorced, I up, and lost my divorce papers! (Arms and legs akimbo, flailing like an epeleptic!) I guess it must have been sometime during the dance! ( ...I'm free! I'm free...)

To get to my point: I just love strong women! They are the best! My Mom was a strong woman! So was her Mom! My sister is still one of the strongest women I've ever met! She married a cop too!

I have a word of advice for you men: If you're lucky enough to have a strong woman in your life, whether you're sitting with her, loving her, living with her, or just know that you want a strong woman...You nurture her! You listen to her! You support her, and her choices! Or .....she will break both of your damn legs!

See, I know this now. I do love strong women! In fact, the woman I was married to, was a Sargeant of Police in Tampa, Florida! To this day, I just don't know what in God's name...what was I thinking??

Although, given the chance to have sex in her patrol car at sixty MPH on Interstate 75...No! No...nevermind! What was I thinking??

You may not believe this, but it's hard, being married to a policewoman! I bet there's not one other man reading this, that gets pistol-whipped...every time he leaves that toilet seat up!

You may not believe this either, but it's hard, sleeping with a policewoman! Her gun? Well, it was bigger than mine! Actually, the last time we made love, she gave me a ticket...for goin' too fast!

I think what really pissed her off though...was that rear-end collision! She tried to book me for Assault and Battery.....with a dead weapon!

But, I'm a better man for the experience! I've also gained a whole new respect for those that carry a gun and badge. If you think your life is tough, try doing the right thing every moment of every day, every day of every week, every week of every year! It gets harder to do, the further you get in! It's an awesome burden to bear, but those who protect and serve, they ask for it. They ask for that burden every day they go to work! So, if you can, cut 'em some SLACK, won'tcha?

And, if you happen to see, or happen to hear that I got arrested, just please, please, don't call Tampa!