DOGCATCHER

I know this comes as a surprise, but I’m running for dogcatcher! The dogs I want to catch are not of the canine variety - the dogs I want to catch are human.

DNA science proves that humans have 99.99% similar characteristics. Our differences are mostly geographic, monetary, and cultural. Just because you live somewhere else than I do, or have more money than I do, or grew up in a different type of society, doesn’t mean we aren’t brothers. Some of my brothers, however, are acting like dogs!

The dogs I want to catch are the people who cannot see that all of us on Earth are the same. People without tolerance should have their noses rubbed in the vicious crap they pull on their fellow man - and I am just the crazy guy to catch them at it. Now, what can a guy who grew up in Georgia teach folks about tolerance? Well, maybe very little, but then, maybe a whole lot. Just look at all the time and effort we’ve wasted rejecting and tormenting those that are different than we are. I don’t care if your skin color is different than mine. I don’t care if your nationality isn’t American. I don’t even care if your religion is different. To quote the ubiquitous Rodney King: “Can’t WE ALL just get along? ”

As my time on the planet keeps getting shorter, I’ve realized that people need to reach out to each other. We also need to identify those among us who act like curs and bitches. Once identified, someone needs to take a rolled up newspaper to their backsides. For this job, I volunteer my services. Maybe you’ve heard the old saying about loser politicians: “He couldn’t get elected as a dogcatcher!” Well, I’ve appointed myself to the position! I think it’s time a little peer pressure should be exerted towards the individuals who can’t get along with the rest of us. I’m not talking about criminal acts. I’m talking about the folks who haven’t got enough decency to fill up a Starbuck’s cup. Where does it say in the Homo sapiens’ owner’s manual that man’s inhumanity towards his fellow man is acceptable behavior? Well, it doesn’t! Referring to page nine of said manual, it says: "Love one another as you love yourself." I do love my fellow man. Those that inflict emotional pain on others for fun, however, should be identified and isolated from the pack. Maybe a metaphorical distemper shot in their butts will help them. We’ll use a square needle!

The Ku Klux Klan got approval from The Supreme Court to sponsor a clean-up program along a stretch of the interstate highway in Illinois. You’ve got to be kidding me! I know a way to show our disapproval of these sheet-wearing idiots. I’m recommending a form of civil disobedience to be applied to that section of roadway. Every time anyone with a social conscience drives through the KKK area, get out of your car and urinate or defecate where they will be cleaning up. Maybe, the hint might seep through: Act like a pile of s**t, you’ll get treated like a pile of s**t! Perhaps this may be too symbolic. Still, better symbols than violence. Besides, it’s more efficient than tracking them down, one by one, and leaving a pile of s**t on their front porches. Keep your eyes out for the morons who need to learn some lessons. Keep an eye out the same way you’d watch out for a dog with rabies.

People don’t need to put someone else’s religion down to elevate their own. Claiming one’s religion has standing over another’s is tantamount to saying: “My Daddy can beat up your Daddy!” It should be enough that people worship a God, any God. Lord give us strength!

To summate: Any time spent persecuting others is taking time away from things that need to be done. Watch after yourself and yours. Spend your efforts constructively, not destructively! In other words: You tend to your stuff, and others will tend to theirs!

Don’t hesitate to call the dogcatcher when he’s needed!

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