IS Money GOD?

I knelt, then genuflected before the hallowed altar. I stood up, smiled and inserted my ATM card! I confessed my PIN! It graced me with several twenties! The Fount, from which blessings flow, had sent me on my merry way with freedoms and liberties, metaphorically, bulging from my Levis! O, happy day!

Most people realize: “ Money is a HASSLE! ” even if you have enough! It’s a bigger hassle, IF YOU DON’T! Who hasn’t prayed for the necessary exact change at a bus, toll road, or pay toilet?? Which one of us will claim they haven’t prayed for salvation…. in the form of a timely tax refund check, or birthday gift? Those who pray to God are far out-numbered by those who pray for money! Waay, way far! In your soul of souls, you know it’s true! Look around people! Look at us! We have to ask ourselves: Is MONEY God or is GOD money?

I made a few pitiful offerings at the local Kit ‘n Kaboodle mart and my lady’s flat!

I split for the Post Office and saw a guy, spare-changing on the street. He claimed he wanted something to eat. I offered him one of the bananas I’d bought at the Fill-er-up. This guy looked at me like I was crazy! Now, not withstanding the fact that I am partially loony, and at least 53% crazy, this shook me and put me off. Hadn’t I just offered to share my precious? The infidel! (small i) Doubtless, this misguided miscreant was just waiting until he had enough cash to buy some nuclear bombs or something dangerous like that! However, I handed him a dollar, wished him good luck, then continued on my pilgrimage. Sawbuck forgives him!

As I drove past my former stockbroker’s building, I nodded, in memoriam!

I still get misty; you see, since the recent, very painful death of my retirement portfolio (sniff-sniff). Sometimes I light a candle over there and leave a few quarters on the ledge - in Tribute (sob). The tech bubble broke, and so were we! It still gets me. They say that for as long as you keep the memory in your heart, it will always be alive. I miss you IRA! I miss you too, ROTH (sniff-sniff)!
[BB]
It’s my theory that the reverence we hold for money comes straight from how our Mom and Dad raised and trained us! Which of us is culturally controlled (by God) more than they are environmentally conditioned (by money)?

Face it: Far more people today live without God than live without money! This blinding parallel between God and money reveals itself in vicious surprise attacks, too. Today, marriage is (pretty much) expected to be blessed by The Almighty dollar. Lord help you if you happen to be not so blessed! [BB]

“ DO YOU PROMISE TO LOVE, HONOR, AND BALANCE THE CHECKBOOK? ”

or: “ HONEY, WHERE DID YOU HIDE THOSE HOTEL SOAPS?

or: “ UNTIL YOUR BANKRUPT… US DO PART.”

Ebenezer Scrooge told us: “ Money is the only thing between us and our graves! ” Nah! NOT! Bogus! I don’t think so! Know this: you cannot take your money in the grave with you, but you can take your God with you! There’s still a lot more time for fun between now and the grave. It doesn’t matter what your age or attitude happens to be. One’s particular karma aside, all of God’s chilluns’ deserve to have some fun. Fun is the grease that keeps our 'Wheel of Life' from groaning too much. Fun will certainly get you through times of no money so much better than money will get you through times of no fun! What’s stopping you from going out, right now, and getting some fun? So, what’s stopping you?...

After thirty years as a stand up comic, I’ve visited nearly every state and some thirty-six countries. I will admit, I went and did it all for the laughs and fun. Fittingly, I never asked to be rich and famous. Amusingly, it’s worked out that way. I didn’t want to pray to God for money; I prayed for God’s help to get better at being funny. You see, in my wide, wide wacky world, LAUGHTER is the coin of the realm! In that regard, the nice folks who’ve laughed for me have made me rich. I got what I asked for. Thank you God - thank you very much!

The ultimate lesson I learned was: Money is not God! Repeat: Money is not God!

LAUGHTER IS GOD!

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