Dear Reverend Chris,
The other night I called a girl that
I've been thinking of asking out, and asked her what she was doing. She
said that she was sitting with a crossbow pistol, waiting for a
neighborhood dog that had been tearing up her trash to come into her
yard so she could shoot him, to "teach him a lesson." Naturally, I was
deeply troubled by this, and was trying to decide whether there was
something wrong with the girl. Can you help me with this one ?
Sincerely,
Worried in Waxhaw
Dear Worried:
Well,
I can see why you're concerned, but I think you may be worrying too
much. It's true she's using a weapon of less firepower than you or I
might use, but there may be any number of reasonable explanations for
why she's doing this. Some examples would be the following:
1) She could be working on her marksmanship
2) She could be trying to avoid powder burns
And
we shouldn't overlook the most obvious possibility: She could be
someone who was unable to pass that annoying Brady Bill background
check, through reasons that are no fault of her own (such as clinical
mental illness, or a criminal record.) So as you can see, she may still
be a perfectly good choice to date, or even to marry. (At least you
wont have to get up on those freezing January mornings to pick up
scattered trashbags, will you ?)
IF YOU CAN'T LICK THEM ...
Dear Reverend Chris,
There's
a question that's been keeping me awake at night for months, and no one
seems to be able to give me an answer. How many licks does it take to
get to the Tootsie-Roll center of a Tootsie-Pop ? And don't say "One
lick and then bite it" - I'm tired of hearing that. I want a real
answer.
Yours Truly,
Mystified In Myers Park
Dear Mystified:
I guess that depends on how many
nineteen-year-old girls you have helping you, and whether they have
pierced tongues. Also, it depends on how often you stop to do something
else other than lick the Tootsie Pop. And when you stop to do something
else, are you using your tongue for that too? As you can see, I'll need
to research this thoroughly before giving you an answer. Thanks for
bringing this to my attention.
P.S.
I don't mean to be
too nosy about your personal life, but if you're hearing the phrase
"One lick and then bite it," often enough to get tired of it, maybe
you're hanging around with the wrong kind of people.
The other night I called a girl that
I've been thinking of asking out, and asked her what she was doing. She
said that she was sitting with a crossbow pistol, waiting for a
neighborhood dog that had been tearing up her trash to come into her
yard so she could shoot him, to "teach him a lesson." Naturally, I was
deeply troubled by this, and was trying to decide whether there was
something wrong with the girl. Can you help me with this one ?
Sincerely,
Worried in Waxhaw
Dear Worried:
Well,
I can see why you're concerned, but I think you may be worrying too
much. It's true she's using a weapon of less firepower than you or I
might use, but there may be any number of reasonable explanations for
why she's doing this. Some examples would be the following:
1) She could be working on her marksmanship
2) She could be trying to avoid powder burns
And
we shouldn't overlook the most obvious possibility: She could be
someone who was unable to pass that annoying Brady Bill background
check, through reasons that are no fault of her own (such as clinical
mental illness, or a criminal record.) So as you can see, she may still
be a perfectly good choice to date, or even to marry. (At least you
wont have to get up on those freezing January mornings to pick up
scattered trashbags, will you ?)
IF YOU CAN'T LICK THEM ...
Dear Reverend Chris,
There's
a question that's been keeping me awake at night for months, and no one
seems to be able to give me an answer. How many licks does it take to
get to the Tootsie-Roll center of a Tootsie-Pop ? And don't say "One
lick and then bite it" - I'm tired of hearing that. I want a real
answer.
Yours Truly,
Mystified In Myers Park
Dear Mystified:
I guess that depends on how many
nineteen-year-old girls you have helping you, and whether they have
pierced tongues. Also, it depends on how often you stop to do something
else other than lick the Tootsie Pop. And when you stop to do something
else, are you using your tongue for that too? As you can see, I'll need
to research this thoroughly before giving you an answer. Thanks for
bringing this to my attention.
P.S.
I don't mean to be
too nosy about your personal life, but if you're hearing the phrase
"One lick and then bite it," often enough to get tired of it, maybe
you're hanging around with the wrong kind of people.
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