(I've been good this year.....I promise!)
Hi Saint Nick!
Please give my best to the Mrs. and all your cool elvy guys and gals! I hope the past year has left you well and happy. May you be blessed! I send this note in hopes of convincing you that it wasn't I that hacked into your "Naughty or Nice" files. The dastardly deed belongs to another. (Ask Scooter Libby or look in the computer of that crazy Estonian guy, Siim!)
I know it had to have been a hectic year for you and yours, what with all those tainted toys from China and the enormous pressure that Wal-Mart puts on you. I guess I know who's gonna get ashes and coal this year. I sometimes wonder why you don't let some nice folks help with all the work that you need to get done. I'd help, and so would a lot of others, but hey, you're the boss! Kids everywhere wait for you, and you've never let them down. You're a legend!
But, enough about you...let's talk about ME for awhile.
I've really been good this year...all year. I promise! Sooooo, when you come to town, I'd like you to bring me some very special presents this year.
I've spent most of my life in search of laughs, so I have plenty. (Some of my pals say I have too many laughs, but screw 'em if they can't take a joke!) I have so many laughs, soooooo could you give some to those angry folks that seem so mad on talk-radio? They might need them....and I always have more!
I've been thinking about it for awhile, and I figure I've been confident about myself for some time now. As you know, I've been a standup comic for years and years, and that takes a lot of that confidence stuff! Sooooo could you give some of my abundance of self confidence to all the shy little kids in our world, who are questioning themselves all the time? They might need it.....and I can always make some more for me.
I've had hope my whole adult life. I guess it's something my parents and country gave me. Soooooo, I'm sure I'd like to give some of my never- ending hope to those who don't have much, like the children with AIDS in Africa. They might need it.....and I can always make some more.
Thanks for bringing your gifts of determination and un-ending effort to me so early in my life, they've helped me to believe in myself, and never give up! Because of these gifts you gave to me...I've pretty much, always been happy! Thanks! Soooooooo, could you give some of my simple happiness to the children Hurricane Katrina's devastation displaced? They might need it...and I can always make some more.
Now...for the biggie: About that ...Peace on Earth stuff.....WTF? OVER? Hey, No pressure!! But, try to do the best you can! And, so will I!
These are the special gifts I want this year! I hope I've been good enough!
I send this letter to you Santa, in laughs, confidence, hope, and happiness! These are the gifts you've brought me in past years. I still believe!
Thank you for making all of those kids so happy, year after year!
Your buddy in Red Shoes
Lue
PS: Say Hello to Prancer and his (elk?) ilk for me!
Tags:
standup world africa peace UN comic Family time 
