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Republicans DROPPING Like FLYS!

 article about Republicans DROPPING Like FLYS!
2007-10-24 04:45:09

This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.


(More than twenty now sitting in Congress have had enough!)


 


With all its gadflies (and their cash) The Grand Old Party must feel like they've flown into a colossal "Time for a Change!" bug-zapper! 


 


After painful losses in 2007, a veritable tentload of incumbent Representatives and Senators will hoist white flags, and skeedaddle home. Some still with their records and reputations intact.  But don't forget oozy, slimy (R-FL) Mark Foley! He and his disgraced ilk, who betrayed their party's conservative and fiscal ideals, started this mad dash for the exit doors.  Honorable people might stampede too.


 


Could over 30 incumbents be wrong?  Why would they run now, like a pack of scalded dogs?  I think I smell panic in the air.


 


The majority of reasonable Republicans, even now, realize they are suffering from an unprecedented and much dreaded triple curse!  They're once cursed because they're stuck with a lame duck executive who can't run.  They're doubly cursed because they're stuck with a lame duck Vice President who won't run.  And they're triply cursed because their party is in the minority now.  Even used car salesmen feel superior!


 


Did I mention that icky Mark Foley in Florida?  Thirty-five are retiring, you say?


 


No wonder members of the supposedly Lincoln-like party are spouting gibberish in the media.  Entrenched GOP-ers are echoing a strategy last employed by the Captain of The Exxon Valdez, and boxer Roberto "NO MAS!" Duran!  Every time some cable TV rabble-rouser pinches their now false-rhetoric filled heads, they spew the same old-same old! Yadda, yadda, yadda!  Let's face it, with a historic low approval rating for their seemingly arrogant leader, Republicans are just plain flabbergasted!  And...it serves them right!  Forty not coming back, you say?


 


Hey! Hey, you social and fiscal conservatives!  Has it occurred to you that even the power hungry fiend, Newt Gingrich, wants no part of the slop you're in!  Even, the diabolical Pat Buchanan has walked away from you.  They made him lie to us, and now even Gen. Powell has washed his hands of you!  Condy said: Nuh, uh, NO WAY! If you have any reason left, please listen to this last point: Dick Cheney, who could have the job served to him on a plate...Dick "Shotgun" Cheney, who could have my, or your head served up to him in a plate...Dick "I'm right behind you" Cheney, mastermind of the imperial presidency…Dick "I read your e-mail" Cheney, who has enough oil money to buy Bill Gates' babies...Dick "Halliburton" Cheney, the most powerful heir apparent in the history of our species…………….EVEN Dick Cheney said NO!


 


What's wrong with this picture?  Is this guilt by association, or has The Republican canary in it's mineshaft just gasped it's last, and keeled right over? Did I mention jailed (R-CA) Duke Cunningham, indicted (R-MI) Bob Ney, and the despicable Mark Foley?


 


Lemmings follow their leader over a cliff...and so did you. Thanks again!  The soon departing Congresspersons had a chance to vote to Declare a REAL War, or get OFF the Pot!  These voices of our people chose to get off the pot!  Thanks, thanks for the mess you're leaving all the middling people of America, who will pay your fat pensions.  Thanks a lot. 


 


What do all these retirees know that we don't? Is this movement the forebearer of a trend?  Maybe. I haven't seen this many rich, white folks head for the doors, since The Civil War!  "Hey Emma! There's a storm a comin'! It's a comin', I tell ya!"


 


Some of us might forgive the Republicans for spending more taxpayer money during one man's rule, than all the other administrations combined.  Some could.


 


Others of us might forgive the Republicans for passing their injurious and disastrous plan for Prescription pills, which sold our beloved seniors down the river again.  Others could.


 


I'll never forgive the Republican Party for boosting an empty shirt into being the saddest leader of the free world, the free world has ever had.  This inept junior is responsible for untold civil rights violations and by most credible counts (NOT America's count!) more than 600,000 innocent civilian deaths in Iraq.  Then, these lost souls were said to be classed as "collateral damage".  I won't forgive these republicans.  Will you?


 


How far up the bush do you have to prune, to get all the rotten parts?  Can you forgive the Republicans for their lockstep obedience, which engineered, built, and then happily drove the worst foreign policy mistake in America since 1776?  Can you? 


 


Some of those responsible for tax windfalls for the rich, funding the money pit in Iraq, and wasting our soldiers lives...they will escape and retreat to safer havens. We should, before they quietly scuttle back into their dark little holes back home, bid a fond goodbye to:


 


Senator Joe Perry of Texas, Senator Pete Dominici of New Mexico, Senator Chuck Hagel of Nebraska, Senator Wayne Allard of Colorado, Senator Larry Craig of Men's Bathroom, Idaho, and Senator John Warner of Virginia.


 


Farewell to those responsible for ongoing wire-tapping, secret overseas prisons, No Evangelist left behind, and shameful American torture! Adios to those faithful forty-four:


 


Congressman Terry Everett of Alabama, Congressman Jim Ramstad of Minnesota, Congressman Dennis " I used to be Speaker " Hasstert of Illinois, Congressman Ray LaHood of Illinois, Congressman Ralph Regula of Ohio, Congressman David Hobson of Ohio, Congresswoman Deborah Price of Ohio, Congressman Paul Gilmore who died, of Ohio (that's the whole Ohio delegation!) Congressman Dunny Hunter of California, Congresswoman Kay Hutcheson of Texas, and maybe more. Republicans all. This writ is dedicated to those fifty!  Shhshshh! Please! Try not to spook the herd! Vaya Con Dios!  


 


Should somebody yell, "Come back, Shane...Shane, come back?"  Maybe not.


 


Have I mentioned " Scooter " Libby, and that sick frog Mark Foley?


 


It does appear the converse of the old saying is also true: " A sinking tide, lowers all boats!"  To the cut and run gang: Get out while the gettin's good!  Because from where I see it, Republicans are starting to drop...like flies!


 


(ZZAP!...fizzle........poof!)


 





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