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Random Thoughts

 article about Random Thoughts
2007-07-25 05:56:34

This article belongs to In Search of Laughs! column.

(As far as launching laugh-seeking missles go, I've probably had my share. Most were calculated and precisely aimed, but I'm not always that lucky. Sometimes these nutty concepts just bang right into my poor punkin' haid! It's my own fault that I end up writing them down! Using my favorite baseball metaphor.....I not only played left field, here's a buncha ideas from there.)


So I checked out my online dictionary again.

random.....adjective: by chance, haphazard, no discernable pattern.

thoughts.....noun: the product of thinking, cogitation, the power to imagine.


The inventor of the bagel was Ezra Bagel!  Ezra turned out to be the world's first roll model!


Here's the good news: I've invented a device that will render all nuclear weapons unworkable! It's called the nano-stopper! My nano-stopper runs on soy sauce, so the bad news is: everything's gonna smell like chinese food for awhile!


Let's get one thing straight!  I'll go with whatever 51% of the people vote for, just so they won't hurt me!


Hey, World!  Welcome to the game!  It's time for another round of " Our Leader is froggy-er than your leader!"


Staffers at The White House have placed an emergency order for 10,000 cases of lame duck tape.


Presidential candidate Dennis Kuscinich (D-Ohio) has introduced some articles of impeachment against our sitting Vice-President!  So, Dick Cheney shot him!


How can any reasonable person understand the Sunni vs Shiite civil war in Iraq?  The American equivalent would be a death match between the Southern Baptists and The Lutherans!  That's IF the Southern Baptists and Lutherans had used those IED's and suicide bombers!


What if America apologizes to everybody?  We could just lay a cashier's check on the sand at the edge of Iraq.....and back away slowly!


When General Sherman said: "War is HELL!"  He wasn't just whistlin' Dixie!


Gasoline is now more expensive than cocaine or marijuana!  Maybe it's time to admit to ourselves that America has a dependency problem!


Geez, it looks like the British can clone just about anything, except new teeth!


There is no longer a Governor of Kentucky!  The job has been OUTSOURCED! Now, the Governor of Calcutta does the job in his spare time!


Mayor Bloomberg of New York City announces his new program to plant one million trees!  He got the idea from New Jersey, where they have planted a million mob guys!


84% of the world's population think living in New Orleans right now would be a huge luxurious step up in their living conditions.  Do Americans have any idea how great we have things here?  Get some perspective.


Indifference is the new "opiate of the masses"!


Ironically enough, there is No Smoking when you get to hell!


I went to that new resort: Paris, Las Vegas!  But I couldn't get in!  150 German tourists showed up unexpectedly, and all the staff surrendered!


Larry King celebrates at CNN on his 35 years in show biz, and admit it, eight of those 35 years were pretty interesting, weren't they?


Do you realize that in America, in Beaver, Utah, it is still a felony to keep using certain genital metaphors?


The biggest growth industry in The USA is prostitution!   Especially if you happen to measure it by the inch!


University Of Massachusetts issues a new study proclaiming: " Women live longer than men because women have periods!"  I'm convinced those crazy doctors have mis-interpreted the data!  I believe men want to die younger ...because women.....have periods!


Satan announces that he will close his Hollywood offices, because it's just too damn skanky there!


My only advice is AGE QUOD AGIS!

(from the Latin for " Keep on.....keepin'on! ")


Lue Deck

The Comic in Red Shoes

Peace Out!


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