EPHEMERA From POOR LUE August ‘05

It’s said that chickens still come home to roost, well - a bunch of little birdies (NO, not the kind that Vijay & Tiger shoot) came to tell me the latest news, which I relate to you here: From The International Flyways:

Now in West Africa, Al Queda is LAUNCHING Hurricanes at Florida and Texas!

The United Nations reminds US: Friends, don’t let friends INVADE TOO MUCH!

Scotland Yard releases only one Islamite! His name is Achmed DENT DUIT!

The Official Flag of France has been changed to ALL WHITE!

To the average Middle Easterner, Saudi Arabia must seem like Muslim-DECAF!

There’s talk of a Million MUSLIM March! But, I don’t think it’ll happen.

I can see where there might be a MILLIONS OF PIECES of Muslims’ March!

From The CONUS Flyways:

Former Secretary of Defense Dean Rusk rolls over in his grave, as this week, The Pentagon announces the Vietnamization, uh, AHEM, the IRAQI-ization of the war!

Interrogators report that Saddam Hussein was quite disappointed, when he didn’t get a Father’s Day card from his Ooday and Qusay!

Jacoby and Myers named as Public Defender for imprisoned Saddam Hussein.

Sometimes, I wonder if people from other countries think that BARNEY FIFE is running America!

If Winston Churchill were here, he’d say: “ Dubya will always do the right thing, AFTER he has exhausted every other option first.

RE-ELECT Dick Cheney in 2008! 8 more years! 8 more years!

I better be careful. The last guy to make fun of Dick Cheney got a movie made about it: Yeah, it was “ DEAD MAN walking! ”

The price of gasoline is SO HIGH, now we have to INVADE three more countries!

De’ja vu! Jane Fonda is on a bus tour of America, protesting The War, again! Only, this time, her tour bus is powered by WRINKLE CREAM!

Congress will fund all space operations if NASA puts John Dean and Al Gore ON another planet. Bonus money, if John Kerry & Teddy Kennedy get thrown in the deal!

The Dow Jones Stock Market FLIRTS with the 11,000 barrier!

Then, drops it like a blind date that WON’T PUT OUT!

32% of Americans admit they believe in ghosts! And NONE of them believe The Baltimore Oriole’s Raphael Palmiero DID NOT take STEROIDS!

Running back Ricky Williams reports to Miami Dolphin training camp one year LATE.

Ricky arrived with his new personal trainer, Willie Nelson and carrying three BONGS!

From the land of FRUITS and NUTS:

California names its #1 driver distraction! California drivers are four times more likely to crash during Cell Phone Use than when Re-loading (2nd) or Having Sex (3rd)

The L.A. City Council, in a devious effort to put them out of business, is proposing to introduce Mike Tyson into the adult film industry!

Inventor of Botox dies at age 90! But, since his face hadn’t moved in 20 yrs, it took his butler two days to discover that he was dead!

Rumors of Arsenio Hall’s Death have been greatly exaggerated. It was the death of his CAREER that was being reported!

After his recent acquittal, Michael Jackson went home to Never Land, and celebrated by cracking OPEN a couple of twelve year-old boys!

Michael Jackson went out and bought Harry Potter! He didn’t buy the book, Wacko Jacko went out and bought the teenage actor who plays Harry Potter!

If our world weren’t so funny, I would really start to get worried about our situation. What a wicked web we weave, when first we practice to believe! If I didn’t laugh, I’d die! Tell Tinkerbell, please, tell Her that I STILL believe our world is funny!

“ As ye think, so shall ye believe! ”

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