The
Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a gold-digger as a person who uses
charm to extract money or gifts from others. A gold-digger is looking
for one or more sugar daddies. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a
sugar daddy as a well-to-do, usually older man who supports or spends
lavishly on a mistress or girlfriend. Gold-digging is not as easy as it
looks. Do you think you have what it takes to become a gold-digger?
Just read on to see if you’re qualified. Although gold-digging is not
just for women anymore (ask Kevin Federline!), we will be discussing
gold-digging for women.
The Look Gold-diggers are usually beautiful,
young, and thin. You will have to spend hours at the gym, tanning
salon, hairdresser, and the mall. You have to have the right look:
classy but slightly whorish. Even though he will probably be
middle-aged with a paunch, you must be young and toned to make his
friends jealous. Depending on how hot you are, you will choose a man
from ten to seventy years older than you. A so-so twenty-five year old
might get a sixty-five year old sugar daddy, but a hot twenty-five year
old can get a nice forty-five year old. Also, pay attention to what he
finds attractive and be open to change. If he would like you to have
bigger breasts, make him pay for them.
How to meet sugar daddies The more exclusive the place,
the better chance you have of meeting suitable sugar daddies. Donald
Trump’s wedding would have been an ideal place. Once you’ve seen a sign
of obvious wealth, i.e. a fancy watch or designer shoes, there are
questions that you will want to ask. Your first impulse will probably
be to ask, “What do you do for a living?” or “What kind of car do you
drive?” Obvious questions like that can turn off a man who wants to
fool himself into thinking a beautiful girl is falling in love with him
for his personality. Here are a few creative questions you can ask that
will keep a potential victim from guessing your true intentions.
Instead
of “What do you do for a living?” try “What’s a typical day like for
you?” It makes a man think that you’re actually interested in him as a
person and not trying to figure out if he’s rich. If his answers
include: “taking my yacht out at every opportunity”, you might have
found your new sugar daddy. If his answers include “working all day at
my crappy middle-management job where my ex-wife takes half my money
for alimony and child support”, it would be wise to try another
prospective suitor.
Instead of asking a man how much money
he makes, try a smoother approach. I like to ask, “If we fall in love
tonight and you decide to ask me to marry you tomorrow, and you had to
buy me an engagement ring that was two month’s salary, how much would
you spend on my ring?” The clever thing about this is that he’ll have
no idea that you’re trying to figure out his yearly income. If you’re
not good at math, you can keep a small calculator in your purse. Just
remember to multiply by six. Also, you’ve put the idea of marriage in
his mind. As we will discuss later, marriage is the gold-digger’s
number one goal.
Instead of “What kind of car do you
drive?”, try saying “You look so familiar to me. Maybe I saw you on the
freeway today. If I saw you, what would you have been driving?” You can
decide if you would like to pursue the conversation further based on
his answer. He’ll never know that this was a ploy to find out what he
drives because all men believe that women everywhere are checking them
out all the time. They especially think that women are checking them
out in their cars, which are really an extension of their penises.
The marriage Now
that you’ve snagged a rich guy, you’re going to want more than just the
money and jewelry that you’ve become accustomed to. It’s time to seal
the deal. Maybe you’ll fall in love and live happily ever after in a
fabulous beach house in Malibu. If not, California is community
property state, so you’ll get half of his money if you get divorced.
When
you get married, his friends and attorneys are going to try to make you
sign a pre-nuptial agreement to protect him and his money. You must do
whatever you can to convince him of your love so he does not make you
sign a pre-nup. I find that crying and explaining to him that a pre-nup
makes you think that he wants to leave you is a good way to start. If
he absolutely insists on a pre-nup, try to negotiate your own terms.
Maybe you get bonuses for every year you stay married or every child
you have with him. If you will get more money with children, have a
litter as soon as you can. Some women insist on a clause that they get
more money if the man cheats on them. I highly recommend this clause as
most men who would marry a gold-digger would cheat on her as soon as
they had a chance to get someone younger and hotter. All you have to do
is hire a private detective and prepare to take half of his money.
Gold-digging
is not for the weak. One must have endless discipline, patience, and a
heart of steel. As my grandmother used to tell me when I was a little
girl, “It’s as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man.” For
more information, watch the movies Heartbreakers and Intolerable
Cruelty.
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